Do more things, start doing something at home that will take a long time and keep doing it until you’re so tired you can’t keep going.

You need to sort our bed time routine out.

Don’t do anything in bed other than sleep (or sex). Go to bed try to sleep, if you don’t sleep get up and go to another room and come back in half an hour, an hour whatever it takes. Try sleep again if that doesn’t work after a bit get up again. I actually find going for a pee and trying again works surprisingly well. Take your TV out of your room, don’t use your phone in bed, don’t exercise in your bedroom and don’t exercise late and night.

Try the military sleep method.

If you want time to waste on something, do a jigsaw or scale model.

Join a board game group.

Watch The World at war 1973. Best ww2 doc ever made and its 26 episodes long. That will waste some time.

Im a huge advocate for fitness and diet for people who are having trouble with mental health. Because it gives you something you can nerd out on, control, research and if it sticks its a huge net positive for your life.

Figuring out your macros, setting yourself a step goal, designing a functional diet, doing some basic weight training even with just bodyweight exercises.

It also has the advantage of quite often leaving you tired at the end of the day. I can recommend some resources if you like.

When I need to sleep and can’t, my go to is a relatively mindless game that I’ve gotten exceedingly good at automating my way through. Something like Sudoku, solitaire (specifically Klondike), or something. Usually on a digital device so I don’t have to move too much to play and I don’t have to worry about physical cards, shuffling, etc.

If it’s a particularly bad night I can pair that with some music. I find either ambient trance or something similar, to be the best for this. One of my favorite “go the fuck to sleep” albums is called “Dreamland” by Robert Miles (may he rest in peace). Alternatively, I find nature/rain/thunderstorm sounds to be particularly calming for me, though YMMV. The calm pitter-patter of raindrops falling seems to really put me in a sleeping mood.

Combining these generally gets me ready to snooze the fastest. The other option I have is mediation, but you need to be practiced at getting into the right headspace for it to be effective. Meditation isn’t really what you’re after since you have said that basically sitting around with nothing going on is when you start to panic, which is generally how mediation begins, so I’m not sure it will be super helpful.

The only additional advice, which is a bit of an offshoot from the mediation thing, is that trying to not think is a contradiction. You can’t try not to do something; unless you have some issues with impulse control, the “act” of not doing something is the antithesis of trying. You can’t try to clear your mind, you clear your mind by not thinking, if you’re thinking about clearing your mind, then that’s a thought which, if present, precludes you having a clear mind.

You have to stop thinking, not just try to put things out of your mind, but stop all active thought and analysis. It is way easier to say, than it is to do, and I wouldn’t pretend it’s easy at all. I learned how to do this through meditation, and it’s a fat departure from how you normally operate mentally, and not an easy thing to achieve. One of the strategies I’ve used is when your brain assaults you with a thought, you recognise it’s existence, but refuse to interact/engage/analyse it at all, and just let that wash over you, and into oblivion. Again, easier said than done. Not allowing your thoughts to latch onto ideas and allowing your mind to be quiet, without commenting on, about, or examining every passing thought, does not come naturally.

I think of it a bit like this: take the example of your mind being a street in a busy city, every individual on the street is an independent thought you might engage with. This idea is a bit like sitting by yourself and watching everything around you without getting involved. Someone walks past screaming about some topic, like how the world is going to end and you just watch them walk by and don’t comment on the matter. You recognise they’re there, you just don’t get involved. Your passive demeanor does not and should not imply you either agree, nor disagree with their statements or viewpoint, you are just present, observing them making a scene. Eventually they move on to yell about it in another location and you give it no further thought.

I hope that makes sense. Of course, modern society with all the social interactions we have, whether online or in person, always gives us the option to engage in discussion about everything and we’re often encouraged to do so. People will outright ask for your opinion when having IRL conversations at times, which is a prime example of this conditioning. If you’re able to break away from the need to have an opinion on everything and anything that crosses your path, and value people’s opinions exactly as much as required, which isn’t much, then you can break free, and you don’t have to bother yourself with everyone’s opinion and making yours heard. IMO, there’s no value in sharing your opinion, especially when the recipient of that opinion has their own opinion which obviously will not change based on what you could say, so why bother even having one? It takes mental effort and time away from what’s important to you to engage in such trivialities, when the outcome is unaffected by anything you think or say. Why invest the time and effort having an opinion when nobody cares what your opinion is enough to for it to have any impact on what happens? This isn’t a value statement about you or your opinion, this is a value statement about any would be recipient of your opinion, they don’t care, that’s a problem, but it’s a problem for them to solve; your opinion is valid, and if they can’t see the validity in your opinion, why waste your time and effort creating one just so they can ignore it.

You cannot control the actions of others. You can’t change what they care about. Both of these things are issues that the opposing individual must address about themselves, that you have no way to change about them. Save yourself the grief, and just don’t bother with it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate, you don’t need to add their crap to your pile.

With all that being said, it’s a radical departure from the accepted social “norm” so it’s a lot of stuff that’s easier said than done. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I don’t know all the details and I don’t have the answers; but I’ve been though some rough shit, and it always sucks. I value you and your opinion, so if you want to reply, I’ll be happy to hear anything you wish to share. IMO, it sucks right now but the fact that you’re reaching out to anyone for help is a positive sign. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you require, it is not a sign of weakness to need help, it is a sign of strength and character to recognise that you require assistance and you are willing to ask for that assistance. It’s brave and demonstrates a strong understanding of when you are unable to handle things alone.

We all need a little help sometimes. If you want to DM me, to inquire further on anything I’ve said, or to simply rant/vent, or if you just want to chat about technology (or literally anything) as a means of distraction, I’m happy to oblige. I believe my matrix account is linked to Lemmy, so that’s also an option.

All the best OP.

It’s not the right choice, but alcohol has been doing well for me for this.

Dad died last year due to what I feel is my fault…

Getting books from the library to read?

Podcasts maybe? That’s my most braindead activity. It’s an easy thing to do in bed while trying to sleep too.

Time also goes by faster at night if youre tired so getting some exercise during the day might help.

Good luck, hope things pick up for you soon.

How about chess? I know you said you are not really looking for video games, but chess to me is a bit different to video games.

I had a similar problem to you a few years ago during Covid. I was very stressed and lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself. I am completely addicted to chess now. To the point that I play for like 4-8h a night sometimes. Time passes fast, especially in the shorter time modes. And if you are looking for a more low stakes, slow paced distraction you can play correspondents chess and think about your next move for 1.5 hours. Bonus: if i tell people that i play chess over an hour every day, they often assume i am a genius, even tho I’m just a 800 elo idiot like most people

I have a few suggestions that have helped me!

One is doing puzzles, physical or video games. I like problem solving a lot since it keeps me from ruminating. Sometimes it feels really good to work on a jigsaw puzzle and just zone out with some music.

Knitting and crochet is another. Just be careful with your hands and neck if you’re doing it for a long time. There’s some great tutorials online and you can into it pretty cheaply with inexpensive yarns. Plus, you’ll end up with a neat blanket/scarf.

Complex cooking is another option. If you like food, try making some of the cuisines you love at home. The research and actual time into making stuff from scratch is intense. People who bake fancy bread end up spending a lot of time perfecting recipes.

My suggestion is to spend maybe half an hour in the evening learninga new hobby/skill, then when you’re in bed go over what you learnt in that half hour in your mind to cement it. You’ll find that just running over the knowledge in your mind induces the “counting sheep” effect and will help you drift off to sleep.

If it doesn’t work, then at least you’ll learn a new skill much quicker!

What about a bucket full of horse meth, then you didn’t need to sleep for a month?

Get a job in building construction.

You work hard, you work together with people, you start your day early and you get tired in the evening.

I take melatonin so I can sleep instead of lying awake with my thoughts

Seems like a great time to invest in some therapy

Would you consider volunteering at an animal shelter? Doing good for others helps you feel less bad about yourself.