You know, like “always split on 18,” or “having kids is the most rewarding thing you can do in life.”
What’s that one bit of advice you got from a trusted friend that you know deep, deep down would just ruin your thing?
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Most chess advice. It teaches you to think in simple terms without actually thinking about a position. It’s good if you want to get passably good, but it’s a handicap once you improve.
That applies to most fields, doesn’t it? Any heuristic will be a simplification and becoming an expert in any domain involves knowing when you can apply a heuristic or approximation or model and when you cannot.
“If you ain’t doin’ shots get the fuck out the club”
get the fuck out the club
That’s legit good advice
“Look before you leap” vs “He who hesitates is lost”
“Many hands make light work” vs “Too many cooks spoil the broth”
I don’t know that those have to be in conflict… If you make a 1 word change to the second. “Too many chefs spoil the broth”. Good to have extra hands helping, in almost every case - but only if the hands are well directed. If everyone thinks they’re in charge, or doesn’t know the scope of where they’re in charge, odds of success drop.
I liked it the way it was thank you. I guess too many editors spoil the sentence. ;)
Don’t do drugs
Unless they help you
“Treat others the way you want to be treated”.
Why’s that bad advice?
Spank me harder, Daddy!
You should treat people as they want to be treated.
Right, by listening to your desires and only hitting with consent.
Disagree only in that people are idiots and using work as an example someone would happily hit themselves in the face with a hammer because “this is how we do things”. I’m not going to hit you in the face with a hammer because you’re a moron and don’t know better.
Neither of these is dead wrong but were rules of thumb that oversimplify changing and complex issues in the US:
“stay away from credit cards” - often prevents people from actually learning about how underlying mechanisms of loans, interest, credit ratings, and budgeting work. There are definitely people incapable of having access to credit and not spending it, so the saying may be true for a subset but if you always pay your bill in full on time and just use autopay so you don’t forget, you’re leaving 1-5% annual rebate for almost all your spend on the table. If you play credit card churning games, much more.
“The only things worth going into debt for are a home and education.” - while accurate in the US for decades, the applicability or even accuracy of this statement is now dubious depending on many factors: career field and interests for education; interest rates, geography and housing prices for homes.
“stay away from credit cards”
I followed this advice in my youth. Never applied for a credit card, never took out a loan, never bought anything I couldn’t afford to drop cash on. I thought it would show I’m fiscally responsible because I’m not accruing debt.
Then I got an opportunity to work a govt job providing communications for the White House; basically, following the president around and ensuring he’s able to communicate at press events, etc. I applied for the job and was told I was their #1 candidate…
…But they ran a credit check on me and was surprised when they got zero results. I proudly stated that I’ve never been in debt before, so my credit risk is zero. But according to them, zero credit history is shady as fuck. They said they couldn’t tell how well I manage money because there’s no history showing regular, on-time payments on credit cards, loans, etc.
They couldn’t tell if I had trouble managing money or not. That made me a potential bribe risk. Someone could offer me tons of money to slip a bomb into the president’s podium, or let a suspicious character into the White House, and if I’m hurting enough for money, they suspect I might be willing to do it.
Literally, my entire history of service in the govt had no bearing on my loyalty. Only my credit score. I lost that job opportunity because I was fiscally responsible.
I went out and got a credit card that same day. I now have an extremely high credit score, which I keep up by paying all my bills and utilities on credit, then paying off almost all of it at the end of the month. I think it’s stupid that I need to put myself in debt, then pay my way out of it over time, spending even more money in the long run, just to prove I’m fiscally responsible. That should prove that I suck at managing money, not the other way around. But that’s the broken system we have today.
I’m confused - you pay off almost all of your credit card and you’re “spending even more money in the long run”. Why not just pay off all of it? Surely if you were able to afford your bills with cash, you’d be able to pay off your credit card in full every month since the bills would be the same?
Only pay off what is due, not the full balance. So if I spent 100 on my cc last month and then 100 this month. My bill is for 100, but my balance is 200. Pay the 100, incur no interest.
You can just pay it all off unless you plan on making some I interest money from the second 100.
Every month on the same day I drive all the card balances to zero. 800+ credit score
Absolutely you can, but not paying it all off doesn’t negatively affect your score. Also 800+ here.
Yeah. It works if you pay everything off.
If you want good credit, you don’t pay it all off. You need recurring payments over time. If I pay it all off at once, then my credit score doesn’t go up much at all. But if there’s a constant debt on my card and I’m never late in paying at least the minimum required each month, then my credit score skyrockets quickly.
This is why the system is garbage. You need to spend more money to show you’re excellent at managing money. It’s a dumb system that makes no sense.
I pay almost everything off because it minimizes the interest I have to pay while keeping a line of credit running on the card. But it’s important to keep that line of credit active, or else your credit score stagnates.
Isn’t that just not true?
https://www.capitalone.com/learn-grow/money-management/credit-myths/
Myth No. 5: You have to carry a credit card balance to build credit
If you don’t pay your credit card balance in full, it’s carried over to the next billing cycle and considered a revolving balance. And that unpaid balance might accrue interest.
You don’t need to carry a balance to build credit. According to the CFPB, “Paying off your credit cards in full every month is the best way to improve a credit score or maintain a good one.”
Fact No. 5: You don’t have to carry a credit card balance to build credit
While carrying a balance isn’t necessary to build credit, a healthy credit utilization ratio—which measures how much available credit a person is using—is an important part of credit.
In addition to paying off credit card balances in full every month, the CFPB recommends keeping a credit utilization rate of less than 30% of your available credit. That can be a way to show you’re responsible with credit.
I pay my credit cards in full every month and accrue zero interest and have excellent credit…
Yeah no. Pay the entire statement balance every month, that’s the whole point. If you want to do debt stuff I guess you can get a mortgage or a car loan or a school loan, but these are not requirements for good credit. You use the card, you pay the card, you now have 100% on time payments and probably low credit utilization. Get a card early so average account age high if you can, and don’t get lots of hard credit checks in a row.
You can literally get free credit checks through most banks or directly from places like Experian and see what it is that affects your particular score.
Don’t pay 18 or 25% interest on anything, that’s nutty.
I’ve got a high credit score and I’ve never not paid it off in full. It’s only really ever went up over the years, with the occasional tiny 1-3 digit drop. I’d never pay interest I don’t need to in exchange for a higher rating; they’ve got enough money.
The entire “credit rating” system is totally insane and dystopian for people outside the US. Where I am from, we only ever register bad credit, not good credit. If you want to buy a house and need to get a mortgage they can ask for your credit rating. But that only shows how much your current obligations to other creditors are, and whether you have had trouble paying them. And you only cartain obligations are allowed to be shown on such a report.
In my country, someone with no credit card history whatsoever is in a better position to get a mortgage than someone who has a credit card and pays it off every month. The fact that the US is the reverse is just mad.
The test is to see if you can handle having access to credit you don’t use. Can you operate within the current financial system without going bankrupt?
It is also the reason why recent inquiries on credit can also tank a credit score. You’re riskier to lend to because you are trying to get more debt than you were used to.
There’s probably a healthy middle ground. We shouldn’t be handing major loans to people with no experience with credit either
Why not? The concept is fairly easy to grasp and if I want a loan for a house, the bank can ask me to prove that I was able to put aside enough money beforehand to be able to chip away at a credit from now on.
What about people who have good-paying jobs, but lots of other debt? Or a history of defaulting on debt (maybe they can’t hold jobs very long)
We absolutely should. As long as they have enough stable income to support it. Rough guidelines in The Netherlands is that you can get a mortgage for about 4-5x your yearly income (subtract any other loans like credit cards, phone contracts or cars), and for no more than the house is actually valuated at (unless you’re going to remodel, then you can borrow for the estimated value after it is done).
“be yourself” doesn’t work if your natural self is bad.
Ehhh it depends. For a work interview or anything professional, you can take it until you make it. But when socializing however you should be yourself.
People can tell when you are trying to be somebody you aren’t, and people are most comfortable around those who are open about who they are.
You mean the person that got me into this mess in the first place?
I don’t mean to sabotage anything but you can have just one taco
Just be yourself.
There is a reason people hide who they really are until you get to know them.
Just be yourself! Eww, not like that!
“All kids think they are smarter than their parents.” - my father, constantly growing up
What I learned: Never tell anyone else how to think or feel about anything. Anyone that tries to shape your thinking directly is a fool.
Intelligence is like beauty, we don’t have a very good frame of reference to perceive ourselves. Physical beauty is largely measured by the reactions of others. Like beauty, intelligence has many facets. However my favorite measuring stick is curiosity. This is how I overcame my father’s admonition; while curiosity does not guarantee intelligence, an intelligent person is always curious.
Nah… if someone keeps trying to stick a fork in the light socket or tries to hurt other people, I think its pretty justified to try to change the thinking that leads to that behavior.
Being curious doesn’t some how prevent you from having common sense
The fact that you dont seem to understand why trying to stop someone from “sticking a fork in a light socket” might be a good idea is concerning.
The concerning part is your idiotic assertions
The response is a purposeful obtuse way to make a binary snide comment. These one comment judgments are tired and just not a good way to grade much. Be more creative at least.
If someone doesn’t know what a fork and a light socket are and can’t otherwise deduce what they are based on context, maybe it makes sense to stick a fork in a light socket.
Once.
Most one sentance advice is just a deepity
Generally, a deepity has (at least) two meanings: one that is true but trivial, and another that sounds profound, but is essentially false or meaningless and would be “earth-shattering” if true. To the extent that it’s true, it doesn’t have to matter. To the extent that it has to matter, it isn’t true (if it actually means anything). This second meaning has also been called “pseudo-profound bullshit”.
“Bring your authentic self to work”
Was pretty prevalent in tech for a while. Fuck no I’m not doing that.
This is sadly very true. Keep most of your coworkers, especially bosses, on a low information diet. It’s like dealing with the police. Some of them will try to use anything you say against you in the court of HR.
This is not to say you can’t make any friends at work. Just be very careful in who you pick. Make sure the person is trustworthy (and you know as much about them as they know about you).
Hell yeah. I only told my boss about my adhd diagnosis in case I need to use that as leverage some day. Otherwise I’m basically a mystery.
“A George divided against itself cannot stand”
I have worked in the same office for 22 years, no one knows my birthday, what my hobbies are or where I live other than “downtown”. There is work me and then the real me and never the twain shall meet.
Rosa from Brooklyn 99?
Ha! I love it!
You sound like me. Do you want to not hang out sometime?
Sign me up for the not hanging out club!
I won’t hang out either.
You guys mind if I don’t tag along?
Can I join too?
I will say I’ll be there, but I’m also going to cancel.
Absolutely! ☺
Fair. I do that with most coworkers. I have one maybe two I consider friends and we do stuff outside if work. Those are the people that know me. Everyone else knows the work version of me.
Always give 110%, and one day your boss will notice and give you the promotion you deserve.
I read some advice that loud work is the only type that is noticed and I can’t help but think with my experience in industry that that’s 100% right. It really doesn’t matter how hard you worked on something or how good it is in most cases, it only matters how many people know you did a thing.
A lot of the advice in this thread is situationally good but this… is essentially universally bad advice.
20% of your effort produces 80% of your results, so giving 40% effort at work should be plenty. Don’t even half ass it.
Professionals are consistent and businesses are risk averse. It’s easier and more valued to be reliable. Learning to do enough is an important skill.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No it doesn’t. In most cases, you’re now weaker.
It does make you wiser. You may learn how to better deal with your emotions or feelings. Or how to avoid the situation in the future.
Nah, usually just more trauma after a certain point, if its anywhere near even the hyperbolic description of “Kill.”
I’ve been through enough. A mild to moderate amount of life challenges will be plenty going forward.
Yeah, it’s really best to learn by observation than direct pain lol, but some of us are too stubborn for that.
What doesnt kill you now may still be a contributing factor later down the road.
Yeah, people forget that it’s a very specific type of experience for a specific type of person where this saying actually works. Like overcoming a fear by facing it head-on is great for some people and a source of further trauma for others.
Yeah, that saying is so dumb. Like people never heard about polio or these days long COVID.
What doesn’t kill you mutates and tries again.
Right?! What doesn’t kill you may almost kill you.
“Just be yourself”
Ask any neurodivergent person how that goes.
We mask because we are often punished for being ourselves most of the time.
See also: “Just do (whatever task you’re struggling with).”
As if it’s as easy as that for everyone.
I told my mum once that I hate washing the dishes.
“Just wash up!” was the response. Yeah, cheers, mum. Didn’t think of that one.
It depends with whom you are yourself with. If you’re with other neurodivergent people, absolutely just be yourself, that tends to work well a lot of the time, at least in my experience.
I wasnt diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 30s. By that time, masking had long since been instinctive to protect myself from other people. I have to feel very very safe around someone before I feel comfortable enough to start unmasking a bit because of the heinous things people did to me. That is what 30 years of trauma and abuse does and you do not fix that in an instant.
As a religious trans person, it’s deeply insulting how many anti-trans religious authorities say things like “don’t let the world tell you who you are, trust in the voice of God in your own heart” or something, and then go all surprised Pikachu when I’m still trans afterwards.
Can relate, when I start infodumping or talking in depth about stuff I enjoy I can see their eyes glaze over and they want to leave.
i mean, if its any comfort, my eyes glaze over and I want to leave anytime anyone even starts to talk to me, cause I cant stand social interaction, much less having to look at peoples faces to show i’m “engaged”
Why would this give anyone comfort?
It may give comfort to someone feeling socially rejected because, knowing that’s something that happens, they may now re-evaluate their previous experience as not having been rejected for being themselves especifically, but because the person they were talking to was dying inside out of their own inertia.
Growing up I was constantly told to try to be like someone else, because I’m too weird.
Work smart, Not hard.
Whilst on the face of it, this is sensible message in a specific context, the way it is interpreted these days is so frustrating. Get so many people using this to avoid hard work.
You achieve nothing in life without hard work.
That is not quite the quote, and its meaning changes significantly.
“Worker smarter, not harder”. Means that when a challenge increases or you are wanting to do better/faster/more to step back and think about your methods instead of just brute forcing the problem.
No one that says should mean “do not work hard”. That is the complete wrong meaning to take from this statement.
This. I used to do assembly, the reason I was great at it wasn’t that I pushed myself to the limit to make each thing as fast as possible, it’s that I built everything in batches so I didn’t have to transition between steps on each individual part. If something slowed me down, I’d make a tool specifically for that tedious task. Don’t waste energy trying to make a bad system work.
Yeah, when I worked in factories, I wanted to do better, just increase my numbers because I like improving. I looked up to the people who would be casually doing their job while doing way more output than I could and from that I could easily tell that there were better ways than what I was doing.
I got the best results from things like optimizing my foot positions to reduce steps, thinking about how objects needed to be oriented before I picked them up, finding areas where things could be parallelized (like only pack a part while the machine is building the next one), reducing context switches (like if there’s 5 stages, do a bunch in stage 1 before moving on to stage 2 so you spend less time picking up and putting down tools).
Once you’ve optimized the way you’re doing the work (work smarter), then you can add speed to it if you want it even faster (work harder). If you skip that first step, you can end up working your ass off only to still be embarrassed by the guy that looks like he’s half asleep.
Perfect example. Thank you!
