• DempstersBox@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s a fistful of felonies.

    Like if you or I had done that, we’d still be in prison

  • N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    4 days ago

    The parasites in his brain create an irresistible urge to capture and devour more parasites in roadkill. I’m not sure how that translates to a legal defense, but I’m betting he can afford lawyers who can figure it out.

    The Prion Defense?

  • Jesus@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    We have laws against this so poachers don’t claim they found dead animals on the beach, and so

  • chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    I know the latest thing to call Republicans is weird…but this dude is a whole 'nother level of fucking weird. What the actual fuck.

    • jonne@infosec.pub
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      4 days ago

      And they’ll defend this while at the same time demonizing Haitians for eating pets (which they don’t do).

  • saltesc@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    the creature washed up on a beach near Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, she said: “[He] ran down to the beach with a chainsaw, cut off the whale’s head and then bungee-corded it to the roof of the family minivan for the five-hour haul back to Mount Kisco, New York.

  • MyOpinion@lemm.ee
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    4 days ago

    What have we come to. You can’t just behead a whale and drive around with it’s head on your car.

  • theprogressivist @lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    Beheads a whale, ate roadkill, and has a brain worm. True presidential material right here.

    Oh, I almost forgot. He was a drug dealer, too!

    • Hawk@lemmynsfw.com
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      4 days ago

      Dial it back a bit. Many drug dealers are just trying to earn a living and many sell high quality safe products responsibly.

      Most drug dealers I know have in fact never carried a whale carcass home.

  • aalvare2@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    In an alternate reality, not too different from ours, this guy is gonna be the next president.

    • Seraph@fedia.io
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      4 days ago

      To be fair, I’m not convinced beheading a whale is lots worse than what our ex president is guilty of.

      • aalvare2@lemmy.world
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        4 days ago

        That is fair lol.

        That said if we’re talking less about how awful he is, and more about how absurd his awfulness is, then nothing screams “divorced from the reality of normal people” quite like this quote from his own daughter:

        He ran down to the beach with a chainsaw, cut off the whale’s head and then bungee-corded it to the roof of the family minivan for the five-hour haul back to Mount Kisco, New York.

        Every time we accelerated on the highway, whale juice would pour into the windows of the car, and it was the rankest thing on the planet. We all had plastic bags over our heads with mouth holes cut out, and people on the highway were giving us the finger, but that was just normal day to day stuff for us.

        If even a little of this were true….<insert the words I don’t have to describe my feelings here>

        • Cruxifux@feddit.nl
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          4 days ago

          Well the dude did used to just hang out in a rotting cattle graveyard and do shit tons of acid by himself all the time. This doesn’t sound that far fetched to me.

  • reddig33@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    That would probably be a waste of taxpayer money, if it’s even a true claim. The whale was already dead, and it happened years ago.

    • givesomefucks@lemmy.world
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      4 days ago

      if it’s even a true claim. The whale was already dead, and it happened years ago.

      I love how you claim it’s not true after him and his family verified, and then immediately pivot to how even if it did happen it wasn’t a big deal

      Just speed running the narcissist’s prayer two steps at a time…

      • Cyborganism@lemmy.ca
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        4 days ago

        The whale was dead though.

        RFK wanted the whale’s head to use the skull as a trophy or something like that.

        I don’t think OP was trying to defend RFK. Just stating the facts.

        • Orbituary@lemmy.world
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          4 days ago

          And what’s to stop people who want whale head trophies from killing a whale by whatever means, claiming it was washed up, and saying their prize?

          Sure, out of reach foe most people, but not impossible.

          These laws aren’t arbitrary, even if you can’t play the mental chess it takes to arrive at the potential outcome.

          • TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world
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            4 days ago

            I mean it’s not like the feds caught him with the whale head on the hood of the family Subaru.

            Did he do the thing? Almost assuredly. But where does this all go? Most importantly, this guy isn’t qualified to be President. I kinda wish he would have leaned into the Joe rogan carnivore identity to steal a few more from Trump, but this guys cooked. What does opening a case do here?