For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.
Live way below your means, but still go out and have fun. For cheap. Dont cheap out money or time wise on things that need to last, like education, health, and shoes.
Take care of your body and keep it healthy. You have plenty of time to acquire habits helping that and slowly get rid of those damaging it - use that time before the issue is forced on you.
I tell people to keep an eye on their diet. Once you hit your early 20s that whole teen “I can eat a whole pizza and be fine” is gone. It is incredibly easy to go over your calorie needs in a week and after a year you’ve gained 2-3 lbs or more. Before you know it by 30 or 40 you are 50+ lbs over and obese and now you are struggling to lose it. It creeps up on you.
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
- Tecumseh
Goals.
You’re not going anywhere unless you DECIDE to go there.
Forget “how do I know if its the right goal”?
You’re can modify and change your goals as you go. Kind of like practice?
Just do it. Start small. Review regularly. Act on the steps that reach your goal.
Have fun. As I got older, I deeply regret not going out or doing fun activities now that I am in high school. I had so much fucking time, but I wasted them all on stupid bullshit. Now I have only like 7 hours of freetime, and I can imagine that my freetime will be even less the moment I start working.
I had the opposite experience. Once I started working full time after college, I felt like I had SO MUCH FREE TIME!
I did have a part-time job during college, though. That might have skewed things for me.
Wait what? Are you trolling? 7hours freetime is a lot… If you aren’t: You’re in highschool it’s not too late to have fun. I would even say that the best years are yet to come. My most fun years were at the end of highschool when I started to go out at night, and the next college years and vacations.
try a bunch of stuff, find what you like, pursue that.
Male or female?
Why does it matter?
Master your inner dialogue and emotions.
Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.
If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it’s important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it’s playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.
Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.
Start down this road now. You don’t want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.
This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Vote!
Don’t drift through this phase or you’ll regret it later. If you go to college have a plan to graduate in 4-5 years. College isn’t the place to find yourself, it’s a place where you trade money for knowledge. You will learn about yourself, but you can get more self discovery in other environments for far less expense.
This is the time to establish a career and not just a job. It doesn’t have to happen at 22, but you need to know what you want and work towards it by 30.
If you want kids younger is generally better, but not so early you have no means to support them. There’s never a perfect time, but there are bad times for kids. Aim for a good enough time. It’s a lot easier to chase a toddler at 25 than 35.
Your life will likely significantly change several times in this period, embrace it and enjoy it. Single life, dating life, married life, college life, full time job life, and parent life ate all very different. You’ll experience many of these in this period.
I disagree with your having kids sentiment. I didn’t find the right woman until I was 33 and didn’t have kids til 39. I worked hard, got promoted and accumulated wealth before then. I started from nearly nothing. Now, my kid (hopefully) won’t have to struggle as much as I did.
And I chase that kid for 30 minutes until she gets worn out.
…
My advice, in your 20s: travel, make friends, make mistakes.
Get a job that has growth potential or become a rockstar in a small pond.
Find some hobbies, work out. Even better, find a hobby that also is a workout. Sock away 5% of your income towards retirement if you can handle it. Volunteer. Habits are formative in your 20s, you’ll find them easier to maintain (or avoid) in your 40s.
Don’t spend all of your time chasing tail or trying to find a mate. That’s a trap. instead, open yourself up to experiences, events and places where those things can naturally happen. And make memories along the way so you have fun things to share with that person when you do find them.
Get out of your comfort zone, get off of your comfort phone. Read a bit, learn to weld or sculpt or play an instrument. Take a dancing class, even if you go alone, there are usually people around to partner up.
Learn 5 or 10 jokes. Don’t be embarrassed to tell them often. Anyone from politicians to public speakers to hey, even comedians, will tell the same jokes over and over and over.
Get an Education, even if it’s a community college or a few professional certifications. It will demonstrate that you can learn. Absorb as much as you can while you’re young, because it’s true, learning does get harder as you age.
Take a course or two in psychology. Avoid people who bring you down, find people who build you up but are honest enough to keep you grounded when you need it.
Don’t live for anyone else, live for you. That isn’t to say be selfish, you’ll need people in your corner. But know that, no one else can experience how can experience. No one else lives through your eyes; no one else loves through your heart; no one else dreams how you dream. We have so few precious years on this tiny rock, so make them tell the story of you.
Travel
Floss and make regular dentist visits, prioritize fitness and make it a habit for the rest of your life, and don’t allow negative people in your life
Vote.
I’d also add participate in local politics. There’s no law saying a 20 year old can’t be any elected official but president.
There is, it’s the constitution. You can’t be a member of the House without being 25 or a senator without being 30.
However there exist countries with own constitutions outside of the US
Even in the US, state-level representation hardly counts as local. Neighborhoods, towns, counties, etc. all have people representing them.
It’s cool to care about and build up your community.
Roth IRA
Save money into a retirement fund. Be consistent about contributing to it. Compound interest is very much your friend at this age
