I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
LOL!
Only 544 bookmarks to go
female
I have never met a woman who told me she did this, and I’ve certainly never done this. Toys exist for a reason.
I wouldn’t know first hand but there is a whole trope and many books about this.
As far as I know, most women don’t do this, but of course, if something exists, there’s also someone who fucks or wants to fuck it.
Is this rule 34.5 or something?
This post has Lemmy front page energy
Cucumbers are the gateway veg.
The Bad Dragon company wants to know your location.
Spicy.
Cucumbers are the gateway veg.
Posts a picture of bitter melon.
Weird flex but okay.
Whooooosh!
That was his point. The pic is of what could be next.
PAIGE NO!!
I hope that putting them back used is an edge case. Compost after use.
Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I’m a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.
I wouldn’t be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you’re genuinely concerned they’re doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I’d recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren’t to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don’t snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn’t need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don’t trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.
to be fair the examples youve given for men are niche sorta fetishes too.
not many people are going around fucking cookie dough either.
As a man with an egg allergy, Itchy…
Socks seem normal.
I draw line at food. That guy with the melon was on another level.
Not even the sock is normal imo. Why would you want a crusty sock??
Better than jagged carpet at your bedside.
Ya throw it in with your laundry afterward. I wouldn’t do it these days, but when I still lived with a parent and didn’t want to raise suspicions with a bunch of extra towels? Sock works just fine. Though I’ve never heard of someone actually masturbating with a sock, just for cleanup.
I always just used paper towels or napkins. Not even for cleanup just have a couple on hand and then grab em when you finish.
I always thought the sock thing was very strange. Have folks not heard of toilet paper?
Someone on Reddit I think told the writer David Sedaris how he used to shove frozen hot dogs up his ass.
sounds like my kinda guy
You have misunderstood “ookie cookie.”
Aka “Soggy Biscuit,” and “Scum Cookie” if you like the band Skinless lmao.
Also tbf I’m like 90% sure it’s a myth or reserved for old frat hazing rituals.
Limp Bizkit you say?
Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.
Okay it’s a pickle at that point.
Well that’s the nastiest thing I’ve read today so far
so far
Veggin’ edgin’ ftw
Most teens don’t want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I’ve had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.
Yo, this is a real actual human person right here.
Men would be asking me the most heinous of shit and I literally had nothing to do with them. Like, what? I think things are better now, cause I’m older. But hot damn, the shit I was being asked if I reversed it I’d be like asking if when they are fucking a girl do they make sure to jizz on their face or some shit. Like wtf who the fuck asks this just sitting around talking to someone they just met or are (platonically, in a group) having some chow with!?
Some people talk about sex freely. In college everyone in my friend group knew who all fucked who. My ex girlfriend made a drawing connecting everyone with lines. It was pretty damn funny.
Oh for sure, I am stanky pirate but like - there’s like talking about sex freely and being a homophobic dickweed. And growing up I got so many micro-aggresive bullshit homophobic shit-shit questions. But I am pretty different than some folks (personally) in which I don’t fuck friends. Cause a lot of them are found family for me and they act as sisters, brothers, and the likes. And I ain’t about that life. But I am friends with some of my exes. But it’s not on that level. Like, I wish them well and am happy they’re doing okay in their lives. Having a solid talk every now and then is cool. But I always figured exes are exes for a reason, and I’m not terribly close with any of them. Although, like I said I mean really - all the best to them as a whole.
My gal fucks her friends. She’s like totally different than me. So I know different strokes for different folks. And it’s not to say I didn’t “get it in” or wasn’t a raunchy pirate hooker. I just draw the boundary within my own existence and honestly I am pretty happy overall with the folks I have gotten the sweetness to carry with me thus far in life. And I hope that someday if/when I am old I still have at least some of them around.
I can’t even remember what the person said up there. And the post so and such isn’t showing it. But I think what I was seeing if I remember correctly was someone stating that it’s not all about penetration (although it can be, and have at if that’s your jam), it’s not all about fucking (although yet again - if that’s your priority - have at), but that there are some real sexual issues that hit folks with the female sex that could supersede the issue.
I also think you know probably a majority of people who responded were more than likely guys, and I saw this person - as someone who had to at least be female-sexed. I mean I don’t know their life. But it sounds like that’s whatsup. But it is an assumption, so like - at the end of the day I think I put person.
And I don’t know your life, although I’m gunna assume you like The Pixies (=P) but lots of dudes over my lifetime and been putting their dick-brains (as in talking with their dicks) and harassing the fuck out of me whether I knew them or not all over the joint. The other stuff is straight homophobic, but I will say in general that most people who are female presenting in some way are gunna be harassed and that’s what I am talking about.
My two sibbies stole butt-plugs from me at one point in my life. Do not like that. Found out much later. Had they come to me, I would have grabbed them anything they want. I was, and still am hella sex-positive. Only difference is that I am now in a long-term dedicated monogamous relationships and I have health issues that have overall affected my life in general so it’s not like sex is my tippy-top “chase the cat” prerogative. More so I just want to stay as physically healthy as I can, so that I can have the best quality of life I can. So like, still get down. Do my thing. Have a great gay life. But I am older (not like so damn old, but def people aren’t out here just crossing my boundaries like they are getting paid to) so I think that the guys are more chill, I live in a completely different area that anything else I’ve ever lived in before (which is less openly social as a whole so I don’t think most guys are out here just cat-calling people anyways), and I feel pretty ambivalent on the whole sex scene outside of my bedroom because I don’t have any skin in the game.
If any of that makes sense. Idk. But either way, it’s all about whatever floats your boat. You know? But it’s pretty funny though as a whole you saying what you’re saying because I might be the least censored individual I have ever been around. Cause I am a real fuck-face. But it is what it is.
p.s. - I don’t give a fuck what guys be doing, let alone heterosexuals as a whole with their sexual stuff. I’m happy if you’re happy. But I literally never could give an actual fuck. Which might sound hetero-phobic - but by that I mean do you. Do I care? Nah. And I would love, love, love if people came at me with that energy instead of asking me stupid ass shit. That basically invalidated my sexual experiences.
Girls experiment.
I’m not going to down vote you lol, I haven’t down voted anyone in this thread. There is no wrong answer or response. I do feel bad for her though, pencils are sharp even when unsharpened, I can’t imagine that felt good. Did she wrap it in a condom? How old was she?
That bit about tampons isn’t true at all, and has nothing to do with virginity. Nothing fundamentally changed about your body when you had sex. You were just using tampons badly.
I’ve seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol
We’re all horny and creative - seen one use a deodorant can… in the front of the car… while I was driving…and stuck in traffic.
Those of us who don’t live with parents just don’t need to get creative - just buy what you want, or want to try, or your partner wants to try. Three drawers committed to turning her into a sexy puddle.
Wow, you’re quite a connoisseur
Getting there myself. My girl deserves every piece of joy she can get, and I do too (hehe)
I wouldn’t say connoisseur - it’s like they select fine wine and appropriate pairings after careful consideration. We’re more like “24 pack and a goon bag” and see where we end up. Never stop trying new things and exploring with someone you trust.
Found the Australian? Or is it the states that use goon bag? I thought it was space bag in the states.
Kiwi, but we use similar lingo.
That’s pretty cool!
Yeah we have one such set that includes just about everything to spice things up. Not necessarily best grade stuff, but a nice starting point to figure out good directions!
Uhh. Hi, woman here…RIP my inbox but I think it’s important parents talk to teenagers of all genders about this and consider having them look for toys they can experiment with if they express interest. Just because we don’t orgasm from penetration doesn’t mean it feels bad lol. Better they have toys available so they’re less likely to use something inappropriate.
I agree parents should talk with their kids, I never meant to allude to that. But I disagree that penetration doesn’t feel bad, for me it feels painful without lube and with lube it feels not painful but never enjoyable. Vibrators are the only thing that feels good, that much is universal among the women I’ve talked to.
Well, not that I think it has to be your experience by any means, that’s part of the beauty of life - we’re all a bit different and into different things. I do quite enjoy penetration without need for lube (I mean, I do need to have natural lube, obviously). I usually get myself there with just hands and might use a dildo when I’m worked up enough. Vibrators are great, no doubt. I don’t typically use toys, though, honestly. I did more in my teens when I was ignorant to how my body worked lol. Which is why I wrote the OG comment…I didn’t have appropriate toys, and it caused some shame on occasion. I knew it felt good but didn’t feel safe talking to my parents about it.
Understandable. I was never into penetration and thought I was weird but after talking to more women and then reading Come As You Are, it clicked that I was actually normal and in the majority (80% are like me). Not that being in the minority is weird, if you read the book you’ll find that is actually normal too. I hate masturbation or sex without a vibrator lol. I never felt safe talking to my parents either, they were super religious and invaded my privacy regularly. I was an adult before getting toys, and everything sex related sucked before them.
My understanding is 80% of people with a uterus don’t climax from penetration, not that we find it necessarily unenjoyable (which is true for me, too; I do need clitoral stimulation to climax). I’ve taken courses on women’s studies, feminist philosophy, etc. to overcome the problematic religious attitudes my parents had, too - and lots of therapy! I’ll see if my library has that book available, though. I’m always interested in learning more.
I’m really sorry you had that experience growing up, though, that’s awful. As normal as our experiences felt to us having privacy invaded and all the shame, that much shouldn’t be normalized! I’m glad you’ve found what works for you, and I wish you all the most pleasurable experiences around it throughout the rest of your life 💝
It feels like nothing but rubbing for me? Idk. But I definitely recommend the book. I’m not saying those 80% hate penetration, but it isn’t a big part. I know when I talked to my gyno about painful sex, she said use plenty of lube and orgasm before penetration. Very good advice in case anyone needs it.
I’m glad you found relief from the religious oppression. We need less shaming and better sex ed for everyone. Thanks for your wishes, I wish you the same!
Oh gotcha, I totally agree it’s not a big part at all! Honestly, I didn’t experience an orgasm until well after I became sexually active, and very rarely with a partner since. It’s extremely important to me as I’m back “on the market” now and have really struggled in past relationships with it. I enjoy the whole aspect to it, exploring whole bodies, but I would very much like to find a relationship where my partner prioritizes helping me climax and has some patience with me on it.
By chance, did you talk with your gyno about vaginismus? Not sure if I’m spelling that right, but I’ve had a few friends mention that it’s painful, one friend saying she couldn’t wear tampons or anything. I could see why orgasming first would help the muscles to relax
(Relevant to the tweet, not to OP’s question)
One of my favorites. RIP Trevor Moore.
Rip Travis, he came and he went.
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
That’d make you the coolest dad ever.
Or totally creep out your kids. “OMG dad knows what I’m doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I’m going to fucking die.”
It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the “period talk” with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that’s not the point I’m making), it’s super awkward for both parties involved.
I mean it doesn’t have to be “happy birthday, I got you a sybian, hope you like the red one with the racing stripes!” You can just give them an amazon or VISA gift card and simply not ask what they spend it on.
I mean giving them an Amazon gift card doesn’t exactly say “I know you’re going to buy a sex toy with this” especially if you’re not outright saying that to them, but giving them the option to spend some money on that is a lot better than the alternatives.
I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” after they did something like this they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up. I’m 38 and my dad is your typical “Dirty Old Man” that started making sexual comments about women around me when I was like 13, but I don’t think I ever felt comfortable talking about anything like this around him until I was like 19 or 20.
That’s true, but it would still be awkward either way if they did something like this, and I would think that a gift card is still probably better than the alternative of them continuing to use produce for this or a worse alternative.
Veggies are certainly not unheard of, but everyone is different. Your wife and friend may be serious, or not, but some people totally fuck vegetables.
When i was in the early weeks of getting freaky with my now wife we were at her place making out and I picked up the TV remote and asked if she’d ever used it as a dildo and she blushed a little and said yes.
thats freaky
One of my exes would use bottles sometimes, I was always a little nervous about them breaking but fortunately it never happened.
