At what step do you struggle the most?
I currently hate my body and don’t feel comfortable dating until I like it again, as dating involves finding others who like your body (and other things about you, but still)
I’m sure there are people who would want to date me in my current body as well as my future (hopefully improved) body, but I just can’t summon any confidence while I feel like this.
Obviously there’s some mental health problems I need to work on too. I’m fortunate to have decent psychiatric care at this stage in my life and am slowly progressing in that area, and trying my damnedest to ramp up body improvement efforts.
I went to the gym today, at least. :)
What helped me with that was “there’s a fetish for everything” which ended up correct, but I fucked up later.
Proud of you for hitting the gym 💪 or as a snowman ⛄️ would say: time to turn these sticks into logs 🥢🔜 🪵
I feel this.
I don’t have any love for myself, let alone spare any for someone else.
Meeting people, especially since I really dislike the idea of making someone uncomfortable or putting them is such a position. If I’m out in public I do not want to ask out someone who’s working a service job and I rarely talk to people otherwise. So unless there’s a good setting for natural talking to happen it feels rude/unwanted as they just want to do their thing in public.
Up until recently, I hadn’t gone out dating in over 15 years. I feel like the thing I struggle with the most is finding people who would be interested in me in a romantic/sexual way. I’m not a social butterfly by any measure, but I am able to put myself out there. I’m also not the type of guy that exudes charisma. I also have a semi-permanent resting bitch face/scowl. And at 6’3” and 260lbs, I feel that intimidate people. If I were with a group of people that I felt comfortable with, I know things would be a lot different. I also tend to overshare. 😉
And at 6’3” and 260lbs,
Humblebrag.
(Unless you’re a lady, I guess)
Unless he’s a high level athlete, he’s morbidly obese at that weight.
Maybe medically. I’m guessing he still looks average in fat Western places, though. You don’t really look fat in my local terms at 6’1 until you hit 300 or so.
Source: Got close for a spell, was regarded as slightly husky. I’m back to 200 now, which I can live with. I assume some of the people I see around must be in the 400s or even 500s.
I have Asperger’s, so it’s a big struggle for me in general.
A few days ago, I spent £89.99 on a three month subscription to Hinge X. This is something I’ve been contemplating for a while because I’m a 32-year-old virgin, have been single for the past two years (my previous ex basically led me on and used me for my money in what I can best describe as a 2.5 year on/off intimacy-free relationship), and I thought that in desperate enough to actually pay for a dating app.
Lo and behold, after sending well over a hundred likes with written prompts which I put genuine thought into, no new matches. And I’ve been keeping a mostly intricate log of this shit because if you’re blowing the equivalent of 3 WoW subscriptions on a rejection simulator, you may as well keep tabs on whether it works.
I’m about 80% convinced that I either overwhelmingly give women the ick, or Hinge is a scam.
My social life is only a bit better. Work is quite solitary for me, and I mainly hang out with a friend group on Thursday evenings and weekends that do pub karaoke.
A couple of years ago i would say that a month of tinder gold or whatever isn’t the worst idea ever. Right now it totally is. It still probably maybe helps, but it’s just not worth the money. You can swipe more and get seen more and that might still be true, but your subscription doesn’t change the fact that the women you like get thousands of likes and you just go under or are lucky as fuck. If i were you i would shoot my shot at karaoke, and just do dating apps on the side.
And for the love of god keep your money in your pockets. If someone likes you, you literally never have to spend money on them (you can and maybe should, but you are not an atm.) If someone insists that you have to pay for shit because you are the man, just hoof it, it’s never ever worth it.
A couple of years ago i would say that a month of tinder gold or whatever isn’t the worst idea ever. Right now it totally is. It still probably maybe helps, but it’s just not worth the money. You can swipe more and get seen more and that might still be true, but your subscription doesn’t change the fact that the women you like get thousands of likes and you just go under or are lucky as fuck
I think it’s more like the online dating space has been enshittified by one company buying out most of its competition and then jacking up prices. Hinge are owned by Match Group, who also own Match.com, Tinder, POF, Okcupid, The League and a few others. All of these are now overglorified Tinder clones that adopted the same ‘swipe left/right to match’ formula.
Also I suspect there may be some kind of shadowban on my account. Apparently this is a thing frequently mentioned on /r/SwipeHelper, /r/HingeApp and /r/OnlineDating, and the only way people have gotten past it is fully deleting their accounts, waiting a few months and then registering afresh. If that is the case and my profile is being obfuscated for whatever reason (maybe because I recently reactivated it after going dormant), then that would make Hinge X blatant false advertising.
If i were you i would shoot my shot at karaoke, and just do dating apps on the side
I mean… I would, but I don’t really approach women that I find attractive (mainly fear of rejection, or worse, or I know for a fact that they’re not single), and the only attention I seem to get is from gay guys and the occasional lady old enough to be my grandma. As I’m not into either, it can make me uncomfortable at times.
The main group chat I’m in mainly consists of middle-aged men and women. I’m also friends with two DJs who host evenings at various pubs which I often attend. Some of our regulars either already are professional singers, or have the talent to be.
I wouldn’t exactly say I’m a good singer and when people say I’ve got a good voice, I feel like they’re either being nice, or they’re drunk and easily impressed. I’ve definitely improved compared to when I first started doing this, to the point where I don’t quite hate the sound of my own voice anymore and there are some go-to songs that I can sing somewhat well. I really do want to take professional singing lessons and improve my voice to the point where I could be like a siren. Maybe that would have been a better investment than a dating app.
Probably the best compliment I got was when I went to a Central Bristol pub for a Christmas karaoke eve. The place was packed and about half the pub was cordoned off for a pre-booked work Christmas party. I sung Poison Arrow by ABC (one of my go-to songs) and on a part of the second verse which I legitimately belted out loudly, I audibly heard one of the guys in the work crowd go “Fuck me…” in astonishment. I left that place soon after, both because they were inundated with requests, and to get away from an Aussie lady who I met previously, she was living in a homeless shelter and was spending her eves scrounging off other guys in that place.
You might be weird af, but all these apps are scrams bro. Don’t let them destroy your self esteem. Their business is not to get you laid, it’s to get you to pay, and you already did.
Getting past the mean mugging appraisal stare as i approach her
Just not very interesting. Most people just don’t show much interest in me beyond work buddy status, and work is pretty much the entirety of my social life. Down-side of moving to a new area. Making friends as an adult is hard, dating doubly so when there’s no one to introduce you to new people.
But historically the hardest part for me is expressing anything that can’t be back-pedalled into “just meant as a friend, buddy.” The second you cross that line, nothing will ever be the same for better or for worse. I hate committing to that change. Just feels like I’m ruining things irreparably every time. I’ll toe that line all day, crossing is just a bitch.
Actually finding people i guess? I meet tons of people with my shared interests but none I want to date. I am demi so maybe that’s part of it
I just don’t think people like me for me and want to be with me because there’s something of me and about me that they want to be around with. I can find something to be attracted to with almost anyone, but for some reason, it’s the opposite with me.
I don’t consider them hurdles any more. After a while you adjust to who you are. That means less dates than many people around me, for good or for bad.
I’m what’s called demisexual. Essentially I am mostly aroace unless I have a certain kind of emotional bond. That can happen pretty quickly, but it can also take years depending on the circumstances.
Unfortunately that doesn’t work well in today’s society that’s focused on instant gratification.
Like, if you aren’t all over someone within x hours somehow that’s considered to be a rejection. And if you ever show any interest in getting to know someone they immediately assume you want to bang them that evening.
Please!
My marriage. ^/s
Spouses can be such cock blocks smh.
Finding women for whom my appearance isn’t a dealbreaker. I have moderate to serious rosacea and acne on my face. That filters out 90%+ of women before we even speak to each other.
- Decades-long crippling social anxiety
- Money
Finding things to say is the most difficult. I often get flustered and have nothing to say. Basically become brain dead in front of people in general not just women.
Time commitment. Not being physically attracted to anyone in my geographic area. (Long distance)
