I met a girl that I’m interested in and enjoys comics like I do, would something like asking her out to a comic store be dumb? I have a hard time talking to girls so not sure if this would be a dumb idea.
The only issue I’d see is that there ambiguity as to whether it’s a date or just shopping with a friend. But that happens with a lot of dates unless you’re doing something classic like asking them to dinner, which isn’t always the most exciting date
I’ve never understood this dilemma. You’re gonna find out if there’s chemistry and interest by the end, either way. And if it’s just friendship, it’s just friendship. You gained a new comic shopping buddy.
It’s true, at worst you get a friend, but I do think your perception going into something can shape an experience. I’m not gonna sit here and say stuff like that”you’ll get stuck in the friend zone” and other incel bs, but I do think expectations matter.
That’s a fair point, it does require a certain openness or flexibility in expectations.
Much like all of life. Expectations cause suffering.
On this train of thought…
OP, if you don’t make it clear that you want to date her, then make sure you accept the ambiguity of the situation and that she might have no idea that you want to date her (romantically). It can feel like your interest is obvious if you ask her to hang out one-on-one. But she may not immediately see that and could accept, assuming that you are strictly going as friends.
It’s totally ok to ask her to hang out, just don’t build up the situation to be more than it is. If she says yes, you’ll have to play it by ear. Maybe she’ll consider it a date. Maybe she’ll consider it a strictly-platonic hangout. Or maybe somewhere in between.
Edit: and if it goes well —even if it just ends up being a platonic hang out—I’d lean toward specifying “date” when you ask her to go out again.
Agreed. I’d maybe ask something like “do you want to go to a comic book store then grab a coffee afterwards?” Just to clear up any ambiguity, but this is 10x better than just asking someone to dinner.
Yes but suggestion: go on a night they’re doing an event like a board game night so you’re not just wandering around and have a reason to sit and interact for a while.
not a dumb idea. just say something simple like: “Hey, i’m going down to [comic book store name]. wanna come with?” or “Wanna go to [comic book store name]?” be chill when asking, and smile. if she says yes, just say, “cool,” and make arrangements for when to go.
the best way to avoid getting all nervous, etc. is to keep it very simple.
good luck!
That works for a hangout, but not for a date. That’s a good way to end up in the “friendzone” if he’s looking for a relationship.
I disagree. It’s not so binary, and taking the approach I recommend can show that you’re not too eager, more motivated by exploring shared interests and getting to know the person, and, in doing so, thinking about more than your own motivations. She will respond positively to that! And all of these are critical to developing a relationship.
And if she’s interested in more, that’s up to her. While on the social outing, there will be plenty of opportunity for the verbal and non-verbal exploration and expression of further interest, and patience will pay off. “Jumping the gun” by being too aggressive is always a turn-off. It comes off as desperate/insecure and/or sleazy. Nobody likes that.
Edit: grammar/spelling
Buddy, when you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost because you come off as desperate and insecure. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” thing is…
Sounds like a good first date idea of she’s into comics. Meet in public, you have plenty to talk about - which comics you like, dislike, certain artists you might like the style of, etc.
Yeah I think it’s a good idea, meeting in a public space would make her feel more comfortable, and maybe if things go well you can head to a coffee shop later.
Not dumb
If she’s into comics, then it’s probably a brilliant first date.
it’s public, you can arrive separately and leave separately (a safety thing; for both of you, but especially her.) it’s probably quiet enough to have a convesation without being too quiet. and if things are going well, you can maybe go on to coffee or whatever. (unless they have a cafe in the shop. then that’s even better.) then, it’s reasonably assured it’s interesting to her, so you’re both engaged.
so you’re both engaged
Engagement speedrun. What’s next, they get married that night and have two kids the next day?
/s
engaged in the conversation; not… you know.
Hence the /s
"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?
The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don’t leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I’m not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.
This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it’s not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They’re people, and you’re a person too, so you don’t need to overthink it.
You got this! Good luck!
Being clear and specific is great advice.
The hardest part of meeting girls is talking to them. It takes guts to put yourself out there and resilience to handle the rejection if it doesn’t go the way you want.
Ask her out. A public option is good. Something she likes. Comics are a good start if that’s her thing.
If she says ‘yes’. On your date:
- Be very hygienic (shower, clean clothes, brushed teeth, gum)
- Ask courteous questions and listen. I have yet to meet someone that doesn’t enjoy talking about themselves (yes, I know they exist). This also makes your end of the conversation easier. Favorite music, food, places to visit, hobbies, etc.
- Have a next place in mind if things are going well, but the comic shop has gotten stale (coffee, dinner, a walk somewhere well lit, etc.). Be open to her suggestions.
If she says ‘No,’ be respectful, and try not to take it to hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Take pride knowing you had the guts to try.
Good luck. Be brave. Be respectful.
I like how you guessed that a guy who is really into comics and doesn’t know how to talk to girls might have a hygiene problem.
Not saying you’re wrong, but it was pretty bold.
Do it! My wife was reading over my shoulder and she though the whole idea was super cute.
Good luck :)
Go to more than just the store. Like go hang out at the store and have fun, then go someplace for a light lunch or even a walk in a park.
Ok dude… I’m going to go back and time and tell 15 year old me what to do. You can come and listen if you want.
"First off, let’s not rush shit. You always rush shit, so you need to play it cool. Don’t say date… even if it’s a date, don’t say date. You asked two girls you liked as friends to go to see a movie you wanted, and one got mad you asked the other one first because she thought it was a date. So you gotta be cool.
"So basically say “want to go to the comic book store?” She likes comics she’s going to say yes. Heck don’t specify a specific time, so when she asks “When?” you know she’s interested, work out a time. Even if she asks “like a date” say “what ever” with a smile, she’ll think it’s cute. Play it cool dude!
"Second do a little research, find some place to eat that’s cool. If it goes cool at the comic store, suggest going to grab a bite. Don’t choose anything too pricy, casual just two friends chilling out. If she thinks it’s a date, it’ll work, if not it’s just a hang out. Great. Then play it by ear. She might suggest “What do you want to do?” She might just want to go home and even if she doesn’t want to eat that’s not the worst thing.
"Now dude, I’ve given you the plan. Let me tell you the other side. You’re a fucking idiot, you’re going to flub that, but don’t freak out. If you say something stupid it’s not the worst thing in the world. You’re a nerd, but if she’s the one for you, she’ll like that about you. Just don’t rush shit… You got this.
“Good luck Young Kinglink” ( Spoiler, never worked, didn’t find my first girlfriend until I was 24… ehhh now married and happy so you get there eventually ). And good luck Chris, but take it easy my friend, and don’t push the date aspect too hard unless she’s given you signs, and I’m guessing she hasn’t… yet.
Others are saying make it clear it’s a date, but if you do that, it’s binary. She wants to date you and says yes, or she doesn’t (and that might hurt your friendship)… she probably doesn’t know you well enough to date you yet otherwise you’d know for sure if this was a good idea.
Oh but to answer your question. For the right girl? A comic store date would be perfect, especially if you know she likes comics.
