I’m not good with masking my emotions sometimes, although I do try to process the things before I take any action.
My face and body language on the other hand can reflect what I’m going through at the moment.
Are you aware of any ways to control yourself under difficult situations (apart from things like meditation) ?
You may want to look into Stoicism.
Emotional self control, I guess. Not sure what control specifically over physical emotional expression would be called. I too am interested to know more, if any behavioral science people are here.
I find it easy to suppress enotional indicators, but I am not a very excitable person when I don’t want to be. I just sort of compartmentalize things, and try to only give them the energy I want to. First process, then react.
EDIT: There are some exceptions. Example: I will cry at particularly emotional scenes in movies, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I’ve had depression for years. You get good at pretending to be happy/ok and you mostly just become numb and very good at hiding things on the outside.
This sounds familiar. For me, add masking ADHD over enthusiasm, and other factors.
Same!
I’m nonbinary and spent the last 25-ish years suppressing my feelings in order to blend in at school and work. One ends up getting very good at masking themselves, wearing a “Resting Neutral Face” so often that it becomes a reflexive defense mechanism.
I finally escaped Texas a couple of years back and got started on hormone therapy, which has been amazing. My friends and relatives have all commented on how much happier I seem now, but I haven’t been able to drop the mask entirely as of yet. I still have a hard time showing negative emotions. After hiding them for so long, anger and sadness are wired in like a PTSD trigger that numbs my expression before anything more than concern can show.
I suppose it isn’t all that bad, having an involuntary poker face can be an advantage in social deduction games. Not even my partners can tell when I’m the imposter in Among Us. XD
Practice probably will help. If you can find a mirror while you’re in such a state, you could practice controlling your facial expressions in front of it.
That said, expressing emotion isn’t inherently bad, though I understand there may be some situations in which you don’t want to.
I know you already mentioned it, but meditation and thought-stopping techniques are genuinely good practice for making you less reactive to immediate emotions when it’s inconvenient.
Otherwise? Maybe introspection to figure out where the anger is coming from and then challenging it. Often, anger is paired with a desire to control something (a person/situation), so challenging the expectation for something to happen the way you want it to happen could be a good start.
You try to cope by masking your feelings and projecting an emotion that might release yourself from this bullshit
I personally learned to play poker as a child. Controlling your reactions, good or bad, and making them unreadable was a core part of getting good at the game.
Maybe search how to do a poker face and practice those techniques?
Now I’m picturing you and your baby pals during a play date years ago, sitting around a card table, holding cards, and smoking stogies…
I used to have an “awkward smile” as in I couldn’t help but having an ear to ear shit eating grin whenever I was uncomfortable or upset. It would then perpetuate itself when I was conscious about it and uncomfortable at the fact that I was smiling at an inappropriate time. Took some practice at keeping a poker face initially. Once you can keep a straight face in any situation it’s much easier to fake an appearance. Still exhausting emotionally, faking it.
Wasnt allowed to be sad as a kid, can’t even try to show it on my face. Not showing it is the standard.
After years of staring at a CRT monitor and increased sensitivity to light, I have developed a resting bitch face that acts out mostly on particularly sunny days.
I highly don’t recommend it. I loved staring at the sky.
Honestly the title just sounds like what it’s like to be English
Haha now that I live in English speaking country, yep. Repressed bastards.
I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve spent my entire life masking my depression so I’ve gotten pretty good at masking in general. It’s just practice.
You answered your own question in part. After years of practice, the thoughts I have during formal sitting meditation have spilled out into everyday life. I find it easier to let thoughts flow through me, which helps me react much less strongly in moments such as you describe. Meditation is one way to cultivate that kind of relaxation. It’s not even control, but rather repetitive practice and habit.
Trying to control yourself in those situations tends to lead to uneven results, because exercising willpower like that tends to be draining and therefore very sensitive to whatever els is going on for you. If you manage to control yourself, you’ll probably want to get out of the situation as soon as possible in order to recover.
I have found a couple of thoughts helpful:
- This moment will pass.
- That kind of reaction (what I used to/typically do) is not helping.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Calmly. With subtle determination.
Of course, none of these are quick fixes.
Peace.
some learn it in order to survive. others learn it to control situations - you can control how you react to things, which disarms lots of aggression/bullying. its even stronger to not actually get sad or angry when its justifiable, as cooler heads more often prevail. to wear your heart on your sleeve is a luxury afforded to the safe people.
I disagree that it’s a luxury. Many people, especially autistic people, simply cannot learn this skill and they can suffer for it greatly.
