That field? Excel.

I used to be like that, first or last there’s no second place. And then I realized I don’t even care, this was instilled in me from childhood that I was stupid or worthless if I couldn’t memorize things I would always fail. 32 years later I still can’t remember shit but I’m one of the more crucial devs on my team that’s basically their lead and logically irreplaceable but I know I am. All my friends are better at everything than I am, this is the only thing I have and now I see I’m starting to loose my intelligence as younger devs come in and I feel inadequate. But now I don’t care enough anymore fire me bitch I’ll go be a farmer or some shit, anything is better than enterprise development. I am also an idiot please don’t take me seriously, I’ve had like 5 shots of whiskey.

Yeah I know that feeling, is soul crushing.

You spend so much time learning and improving a craft, you think you’re not top-level yet, but you surely is a reference in the area.

Then you see that person, usually younger, absolutely crush your skills by a landslide, making things that kept you several nights awake, seem like child’s play.

Then you start to question what were you doing all this time, were you lazy? Did you have a good path to the point you are? Are they just special? Are you just lacking? Will you be able to keep up with that person (this applies mostly when we’re talking about a job)?

Then you realize no matter what you think, It is what It is, but now you can’t even muster any strength or aspirations, because you will never top their speed, you’re just and old and incapable thing, drifting away.

Get me a cigar.