I think that what ryathal was getting at is that there’s a distinction between the kind of shouting that happens in the arguments one expects in a regular relationship, vs the kind of shouting where its one person shouting at the other for a long time. I don’t even know if I’d count that latter one as “an argument”.

The distinction can get muddy and it’s not always clear where the line is, but some people grow up without any sense of that line existing at all. Because of my childhood, for example, in my first relationship, I was terrified of any conflict, because I had internalised that “argument” meant “screaming obscenities at each other”. I had to learn how to have arguments, a key part of which was learning how to disagree on an emotionally fraught subject without having to shout, plus developing a sense of when some shouting may be justified).

I agree with your sentiment that people who think of love as being a perfect, clear sailing thing are setting unreasonable expectations, but I don’t think I’m on board with the idea of a person being “perfect for you”, or that love means accepting them as they are. I think there’s a bit of that, sure, but I also think that there’s a lot of learning to grow together, and actively putting work into the love that exists between two people.