Good grooming goes a long way. As does dressing nicely (clean, flattering, well-fitting clothing).
Also keep in mind that what you think is “ugly“ someone else finds attractive.
Also if you’re overweight then losing some will help a lot.
Seconding good grooming habits and fashion. You don’t have to go crazy spending on this, just stuff that looks nice that fits you well.
People keep saying “looks nice” but I want to be more specific in that different people think different clothes look nice. Some think business casual should be standard unless you are a laborer and prefer those. Some prefer very casual t-shirts and jeans, or sometimes jeans of a specific style, usually as long as they are clean and not stained. There are a ton of different styles you can choose from. I would suggest that overall most people prefer no stains and smelling nice (very light cologne, or even just scented laundry soap), and clothes that are not too big or too small. The area where you live probably has specific taste/style, and you can look at others want determine what you think will work for you. You can also try on a bunch of styles and see what feels good and what you think looks good on your body specifically.
I also want to say that, regardless of how you look, try and be a well rounded person. Look for a social group that you enjoy being in, stay in shape, learn to care for yourself and others (like cooking and cleaning, this can go a long way in attractiveness). Although some relationships start by one person they can help the other, either with money or emotional support, those are not often stable nor healthy relationships. If you are in a healthy place by yourself, you can develope better relationships.
That’s great advice. It’s really a good tip to feel okay experimenting with different styles until you find one you like. Finding the confidence to do just that will be a good lesson as well.
For what it’s worth, I get my soaps and colognes from Barrister & Mann. Creating a signature scent can be a lotta fun and I get a lot of compliments on the ones I wear.
Being a well rounded person is also immeasurably good advice. If you want people to be interested in you, you need to be interesting
To what end?
Many people view “looks” with a strong filter of personality. So being active, funny, nice, kind, etc. would actually, really, make you look more attractive to people.
Dress well, stay clean, get fit, improve yourself as much as possible. But do these things to make yourself a better person, not with an ulterior motive.
If you want this, do that.
But don’t do that because you want this.Self improvement to realize an idealized self is it’s own reward. In doing so, you become more attractive to people in a natural way. It’s not contradictory. Chasing self improvement as a vehicle to love or sex has the pitfall of losing your motivation for self improvement when you suffer rejection, but rejection is normal, common, and not as big a deal as it can sometimes feel.
If you want this, do that.
But don’t do that only because you want this.It’s still pretty contradictory.
I think it’s just one of the necessary contradictions/lies that society requires to function.
Be funny, very good at socializing, and rich?
Also, don’t have unrealistic standards in your romantic pursuits.
Looks and height aren’t as big factors as you think. Carry yourself with confidence (fake it til you make it if ya gotta) and you’ll find a lot more success. Also, rejection isn’t life ending. No Means Next. Don’t let it destroy you.
Have some interests and hobbies you genuinely enjoy. Be funny and able to make good conversations. Be a mensch. As you age, as well, that will matter A LOT more in dating than looks or height.
And get off the dating apps. They all suck for everyone.
Sorry, but your first paragraph is very flawed
Yeah I get it. If there’s not attraction, it goes no further.
I’d suggest you get into a venue with more women and ask them (assuming this is the audience you want to woo)
And then second: get out in the real world. Attraction as a filter works on your side IRL. Anyone who keeps talking to you is already past your looks.
Also, have you considered a career that is associated with money?
My crush, who was my friend once openly said to me how she likes tall guys. I was there, she knew I was not tall and she said this in front of me. There was an old survey on Reddit and it proved the same thing that height is most Important for women. And that survey was 7 -8 years old, today’s conditions are even worse.
You’re giving her way too much free real estate in your head. Better to use it as fuel/a chip on your shoulder, if at all.
How can you use it as fuel
Get in good shape, if you’re not already. “I’ll show you what I’m capable of. I’m going to find someone better.” That kind of deal. It works. That’s what I did when what I believed to be the love of my life (she called me her soul mate!) up and married some German douche. While still claiming she loved me, to boot. Better to not focus on people like that, at all, but that’s not always realistic. So if you must feel pain from it, why not decide to make it the pain of self-improvement?
What do you mean?
You first said looks and height are not major factors. Are you not aware how much height is important for girls In dating. Ask any girl what type of guy she wants and tall is always in answer. Height is most important for girls. Now your second sentence is that if someone rejects you for height then they are not good partners, but the guys who are 6ft tall have no problem in dating a girl who says she will never date a guy below 6ft. So this is just a cope saying that if someone rejects you for height they are not good partners. In fact the guys who say that, they will date a girl who says I don’t date below 6ft if they are given chance.
This is what Andrew Tate actually believes.
That asshole is more deserving of age restriction than porn - if you ever hear a nephew bring him up you need to stomp that shit out immediately. What a fucking clown.
Weird, then why did 6’4" me have such a hard time until my late 20s?
You need to isolate the person in your head telling you this, take them out back and shoot them dead. This is a defeatist attitude and it’s simply hindering you. Not only that, it’s only superficially true. It doesn’t conform with a wider wealth of personal experiences that myself and many others certainly have.
This. This way of thinking is your biggest enemy.
It is not a way of thinking it is just the truth.
What would you say if I told you there are girls who actually prefer short guys? Hell, some people just like variety–I appreciate tall women, short women, medium women. I like 'em all.
Having said that, I have met the girls you’re referencing. They do exist. A few months back, I went on a coffee date with a girl. Just before it, she made some joke about wanting to make sure I’m tall, because she hates dancing with guys who are shorter than her, so she just wanted to make sure. I wanted to vomit. I very rarely encounter a girl taller than me. I’m ~6’1, maybe pushing a little higher on a good day when my posture is okay. I want nothing to do with a girl who so values my height. Because if it’s THAT important, you’re literally one 6’3 guy away from a relationship crisis. By the way, the reason she was like that? She was taller than average. She was insecure and taking it out on everyone else. But imagine if I’d said to her, “I’m sorry, I just prefer shorter women. I find them more feminine.” Gross. She was surprised when I didn’t bother to hug her or…anything else, really…after coffee. Just got in my car and left. Whether you’re tall or short, that’s a bad match.
There are girls who are like you say, but they are absolutely not all like that. You just need to focus on a better class of prospect.
Where are girls who like short men, I bet you will find them lmao. What are the chances 0.000000001 % or lower
Naw dude, it’s manufactured and it’s limiting you. You’re not gonna overcome that until you figure out how to destroy the part of you that believes this.
What is wrong in believing truth
As a short dude you couldn’t be more wrong. Get off incel forums and go talk to real people. Just make sure you shower first.
Ohh now I get why I am not getting girls, I never took a shower since birth, thanks for advice man
Whatever group online you’re commiserating with about this stuff is wrecking you.
There is no such group
Don’t feed the troll dude.
I think men can often get stuck in ruts where they become their own worst enemies, especially in dating. They have a plethora of media telling them half truths and skewed perspectives that create a feedback loop of negativity and self-fulfilling prophecy. Fuck, I’d be lying if I said I never had similar thoughts.
Even if OP can’t escape that today and instead posted this to hear answers that affirm this defeatist ideology, other readers may benefit the good advice others have put in this thread.
And get off the dating apps. They all suck for everyone.
I still don’t know where I’d find someone not on dating apps, I can only think of clubs or something but I definitely do not enjoy being there
There’s plenty of ugly people out here fuckin, either groom yourself well and work on your personality or lower your standards.
Wdym by lower you standard
Try your shot at equally as ugly other people, it’s a numbers game
Have you ever talked to ugly girls, even they don’t want to date ugly guys.
And you clearly don’t want to date ugly girls. So much so that your prejudice against them. You are a self-fulfilling prophecy, aren’t you?
I never said I don’t want to date ugly girls
You didn’t say it, but you act like it. By writing them off and saying they don’t want you, you’re implicitly saying you don’t want them.
Also, by saying they don’t want you, you’re protecting yourself from being hurt if they turn you down. That’s a self-defense mechanism.
Reading across your posts, it sounds more and more like you really need to sit down and talk to someone impartial. You seem to have biases that are limiting your ability to be successful.
Money and personality. The money is optional.
There is someone out there that finds you attractive and wants a life with you, in all likelihood there is more than just that one person. Don’t expect to land a supermodel, but treat every girl that shares a bed with you as the perfect 10 that she is.
Literally just work out and take care of your skin and hair.
These are all bad ideas. The more you change yourself to “please” everyone else, the less happy you will ever be. One of the hardest lessons of life is to learn that, you can’t ever please everyone, and when you change to please someone, they’ll soon change what they want and you’ll never stop having to change to please them.
The real secret to happiness is not to change yourself at all. It’s to learn how to like who you are, the way you are. Yes the world is cruel and cold - and it’s awlays going to be that way. You aren’t the problem here. You are fine just the way you are, and it’s a secret that could save many lives and keep many people from self-harm if they only realized it at a younger age.
The truth is, nobody wants someone around them who is trying to please them all the time. They want to be around someone who is self-confident and radiates a healthy well-adjusted persona that says “this is who I am, love it or leave it.”
Becoming rich to attract people may work to attract people, but they’ll only be attracted by the money, not by you. As soon as that runs out, so will they. And usually they will run out anyway, even if the money doesn’t.
You need to get some help with your attitude about yourself, and start deciding that you’re OK as you are. Do not do the surgery option - it’s wrong. Women who get surgery to “look more like so and so” are never happy. Surgery isn’t the answer to your problems in life, at all.
The reality is, you often can’t. People will both intentionally and unintentionally judge you for both - it’s often not even conscious - and lie to your face about it.
That is the only correct answer here. Thanks for honesty.
Why would you ask a question if you already know the “correct answer”?
I didn’t know it until I saw it
Why is that? You obviously have already made up your mind on the subject, seeing other answers. Were you simply seeking validation? I don’t take problem with that, but don’t outright reject the people who are providing genuine responses to your query. Given this is a largely anonymous platform, we have no context on what you actually look like, and you may very well be ugly enough that it has as big of an impact as you indicate it does. The advice being posted is valid for 99.9% of people, but you have to understand that we don’t know what you’re working with. On top of that, most of what is being said is also just good life advice to follow in general, even if it doesn’t get you a partner.
Exactly this is just life advice, smell good take shower, everyone does that, it is not advice just common sense, the truth is that there is nothing you can do to get girls if you are short or ugly or even better both short and ugly. Fuck my life.
NoStupidQuestions doesn’t include “Let’s have a pity party to reinforce my own preconceived notions” - I met my spouse on a MUD (basically a text based multi-player role playing game). We formed a connection before we knew what the other person looked like or their gender (I’m pan so whatever in that regard).
The answer above is wrong, relationships built on appearance alone are doomed to be miserable… don’t buy into the pity party.
Confidence goes so much further than you imagine. You don’t need to be tall and physically attractive, but you will figure that out. If you think of yourself as unattractive, so will others. I have a gnome-esque friend who embraced his geekiness, found a style that worked for him (outdoorsy/woodsman style) and since then has had plenty of romantic success. If you can have non-romantic relationships, you can also have romantic ones. You really think the only thing preventing them from becoming romantic is the thought ‘if only they were taller /more physically attractive’? You have things to offer, you just need to recognize that fact.
Just date short and ugly girls
Even they think they deserve a tall guy for some reason . Ever noticed that short girls are more height obsessed.
Short and hot girls might be height obsessed, but short ugly girls probably aren’t
You don’t know young girls much, am I right?
I don’t think you do. You can’t change being ugly, but your ugly personality is your choice.
People are saying being funny and having confidence, and they’re right, and I’m going to tell your why that’s right. When being around you makes someone feel good, they will want to be around you more. That’s not exclusive to romantic relationships, it’s true also of friendships and business relationships, too.
An acquaintance asked me out not long ago, I declined. A mutual friend asked me “Why? He’s not bad-looking”. His looks had nothing to do with it, his negative personality had everything to do with it. The few times I’d talked with him, all he ever did was complain about stuff in general. The complaints were valid, but there’s nothing in a list of complaints that makes me think “I really liked taking to him today”. Complaints (without solutions) are inherently negative. I don’t need negative energy in my life, there’s enough of that already. It’s in going to add someone to my life, it’ll because he makes life better.
A big thing is having interests. You having a life and interests is interesting. Even if they’re not shared interests, you having something you love is having something that makes you happy. You being happy gives people positive feelings about you.
If your expectation is for someone to come and make you happy, then you are a happiness-sink. You drain joy from other people instead of mutually building up each other. No one wants a joy-drain, and I’ll be honest with you, your attitude is one of a drain.
So, the question is, how do you make a someone’s life better? Do you being laughter to her? Do you make her feel safe? Do you give her confidence in herself? Do you bring interest to her life? Do you make her feel heard and seen?
And to be clear, someone should do all those things for you mutually, too. Two people should be building *each other * up.
There really isn’t such a thing as ugly in an objective sense. Certainly some people have looks that will appeal to more people, but there are a lot of people out there who have unusual taste in terms of what they find attractive. There are girls out there who are into skinny guys, fat guys, short guys, hairy guys, guys with weird facial features, etc.
Some women don’t care that much about looks and are more interested in personality traits anyway. The looks just need to pass a minimum threshold for them and then they’ll care more about what you’re like as a person.
You’re not ugly, your just a niche. I’m saying this as someone who is thus far in the same situation you’re in (28M, haven’t ever kissed or anything with a woman), but I recently started dating someone, and it’s always a shock to me when she honestly tells me she thinks I’m cute.
Try getting better genetics loser
There is only one way now
Women have much more words-orientation than we guys do.
Invest in:
- Wonderworks
- The Anatomy of Genres
- The Anatomy of Story
- a couple of Gottman’s books
- Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright’s “Tribal Leadership”
- Halvorson’s “The 8 Motivational Challenges”
& understand both how to woo women much more competently, as well as how to make your woman live a healthier life ( the “Tribal Leadership” book & Gottman’s stuff ), & know how to recognize different unconscious-mind styles from Halvorson’s book, so you aren’t investing in a lost-cause.
- Kegan & Lahey’s “Immunity to Change” is required if you’re in it for the long-haul ( in your own life, or in a marriage/family, both paths need this leverage, in our world ), and want to competently dismantle your unconscious-mind’s obstruct-growing-up-to-protect-status-quo mechanism…
Life’s worth much!
A little study can go a long way, if one knows what one ought be studying, you know?
People judge others by appearance … when we have nothing-else to go-on.
When one has significant evidence of someone’s worth, and that evidence isn’t their appearance, their appearance becomes rather irrelevant…
Some people are entirely-visual, some are entirely non-visual ( like me ) in thinking.
Unless you’re clawing-your-way-out-from-reincarnation ( like me ), there likely are good-matches for you.
The significant-evidence item, though, identifies that you need to be hanging-around among women, for them to get to know you, like volunteering somewhere, or something…
Do well, eh?
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