I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
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Damn OP, I felt that in my bones. You basically described what my life was like when I worked in finance.
What pissed me off the most was that it’s apparently not good enough for extroverts if you just keep to yourself and do your work quietly; they have to seek you out and disturb you just to get the attention that they think you owe them.
Are you me?
I’ve had success depending on the role. There are also factors like turn over and what it takes to give the appearance of “belonging” in your organisation and role. For best results play the long game, at the beginning, muster up as much as you can to engage in the minimum, ie, who are u, how many kids… as soon as you’re personable, disengage. Still answer the questions you’re asked, but ask none. Don’t get tempted into follow up questions, that is mixed signals and you’re not a slut. From there transition into dead eyes with them in non work related situations immediately.
Pretty soon there’s a healthy distance between you and the coworkers that bring you down
Ymmv - seriously lol
I love work from home. Sorry, I’m once again absolutely useless.
Be boring rather than arrogant. If they ask what you did this weekend or what you’re doing later just say nothing really or watching TV and relaxing. Few words answers, when the conversation isn’t flowing naturally they will just think you’re boring and leave you alone.
Obviously this might not work for everyone but it’s worked for me everytime.
Also whenever they share things about themselves never ask follow up questions. Okay. That sounds fun. Sounds kinda rude. But if you do it all the time they’ll just think you don’t know how to socialize
That’s what I do all the time, and not on purpose. I don’t know what’s wrong with me
There is nothing wrong with people being social at work. Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships. And introverts need to understand that relationships matter. I say this as an introvert.
Don’t just be a robot at work. Recognize the need for good working relationships and that some level of personal interaction, and even friendship is OK at work. Today they need help, tomorrow you will need help.
To your point, I am very bad at that and work from home has really improved my productivity. See if you can wfh more. Also, sometimes you need to politely explain that you have to get something done to meet a deadline or meet priorities or whatever your situation is.
your post contradicts itself: first you lecture me about being social, like you’re a natural and then you write you’re bad at it and you wfh? I don’t understand it.
Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships.
why is the workplace the only place you can get to meet people?
And introverts need to understand that relationships matter.
Sure, the ones you want, not the ones imposed on you
Are you sure you really have a problem with people wanting to talk to you too much? Tbh, you don’t sound like (just) an introvert, you sound like kind of a misanthrope and I can’t imagine your coworkers are clamoring for the total lack of charm you’re showing in this thread.
I’m an introvert who’s great at socializing, and yes, even the relationships you may not seek out can be important at work. If everyone thinks of you as quiet but nice, you’re a lot more likely to get promotions, raises, good references, etc, vs if everyone thinks you’re rude or closed off. You can straight up tell people you’re introverted and they’ll generally be cool with it, but think of the time you do spend chatting as an investment in your career.
I’m an introvert who’s great at socializing
how does that work? To me an introvert is a quiet person who keeps to herself and wants to be left alone. Because this person doesn’t bother anyone else she expects others to leave her alone as well, kinda I leave you alone, I don’t bother you, why must you bother me? If I need something from you, I’ll let you know.
Neither do I understand why some of my coworkers want to talk to me when I’m very visibly in the middle of something. My last 2 interactions with them were ‘I can talk to you when I’m done with this’, but what a total lack of awareness.
I don’t know if I’m a misanthrope
Being an introvert who’s great at socializing means you don’t have problems socializing but it drains your energy.
Strong assumptions can sometimes get in the way of understanding.
For instance you say “I’m in the middle of work, why would they interrupt me”.
There seems to be a strong assumption that the other person believes as you do that getting work done is the most important thing at work.
In my experience though, forming relationships for future connections and ensuring work is tolerable to enjoyable is more important to most than getting work done.
Wow. You really have a chip on your shoulder, my friend. If that was a lecture then you are going to have a hard time in life. I would call that gentle advice.
Did I say the workplace is the only place you can go to meet people? Obviously I did not. You put words in my mouth, inappropriately. But in your original post you seem to say that you don’t want any sort of personal relationship at work. My point is that that is bad for your work/career/life.
Work imposes some level of relationships on you. Right? My point is that interpersonal relationships at work matter to your work/career/life.
I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling. It might help you to recognize unhealthy vs. healthy thought patterns.
Best wishes, my friend.
wow. You are really thin skinned, friend. I wasn’t lecturing you, that was advice, gentle.
you write something and in the next post you deny even writing it. Kindly stop doing that.
I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling. It might help you to recognize unhealthy vs. healthy thought patterns.
right back at you
good luck, friend
wow. You are really thin skinned, friend. I wasn’t lecturing you, that was advice, gentle.
That was pure mockery of the style of the person you’re answering to.
Did you really want advice? Are you willing to accept it even if it contradicts some deeply ingrained notions you may have? Are you willing to compromise somewhat?
Did you really want advice?
sure, advice regarding the title of the post.
If some people choose to assume and put words in my mouth, I can return the favor.
Based on your attitude, you shouldn’t have any issues for long with people taking up your time
The comment doesn’t contradict itself. It explains the importance of relationships with coworkers, and then establishes common ground with you as a fellow introvert who works from home. They never claimed to be chatting it up in the office.
My advice to answer your question is to keep up this exact attitude, though.
Also those bonds cary over to the professional career.
The very same coworker could be the ticket into a new company with greener pasture as a reference.
This isn’t going to help you now, but get a job where you’re the only US employee and everyone else’s EOD is 11am.
What a weird post. OP asked a question then insulted half the people in here.
People will probably keep asking until they learn that you don’t want to answer. This is just how most people work and I understand your frustration at being an outlier in this way.
You can’t control them feeling offended. You are behaving strangely to them and they’re struggling to make sense of you. The most reasonable explanation to them is that you dislike them, which they’ll construe as rude.
If you are direct with them, they might at least be able to make sense of you. “When I’m at work, I only want to work, then get out of here as soon as I can. That’s why I don’t socialize here. It’s nothing personal.”
Either they believe you or they don’t. You can’t make them believe you.
One last thing: just like you wish they’d stop making wrong assumptions about your motivations, you might consider challenging the assumptions you’re making about them.
Good luck.
I loathe the office for this reason. I worked with a lady that used big airport style ear protection over her airpods and if you asked her anything she would say “im so sorry im booked until x time can you email me?”
This is not an introvert problem. You just hate people.
Yes because those two concepts are mutually exclusive. /s
Being introvert simply means you need to recharge from social situations after a while. You can still like hanging out with people, even with those damn coworkers.
Maybe being an introvert makes me hate dealing with people and other social situations. Why would anyone force themselves to do something they don’t like?
What you described is being antisocial, not introverted.
Since you brought it, must be mutually exclusive again, right?
Mutually exclusive or not. Nothing in the description nor the original post depicts introvert behavior.
introvert noun someone who is shy, quiet, and prefers to spend time alone rather than often being with other people
I don’t know what kind of headcanon definition you have. Lots of people ITT seem to over complicate the concept when it’s just as simple as that.
*Asocial
Antisocial people actively fight against society. So like criminals raping and robbing. Asocial people just hate being around people.
Thanks. Fixed my comment.
If being an introvert is making you hate socializing, that means you don’t have sufficient recharge time in your life. How can you get more recharge time?
If being an introvert is making you hate socializing, that means you don’t have sufficient recharge time in your life.
Bro, the fuck does this even mean? Why would I “recharge myself” with something I dread for something I don’t need. How would YOU know about me or what do I do in life? or my free time? Aren’t you just projecting?
If you appear approachable, then your interaction will not be minimized. Why do you want to seem approachable? I think you need to get more specific about what your goals are. Is your goal really to avoid hurting their feelings, or to avoid creating enemies at work? That’s two different things.
Seems to me like you’d benefit from clarifying your own goals to yourself.
you are right. I don’t want to be approachable, I want to avoid creating enemies, work and go home.
Some people ITT seem to think being introvert is like a disease, something that needs to be treated. Some seem to think they can self diagnosis this horrible disease for societal validation (you know, like autism /s).
Other people seem to think is all about being tired out of social interactions? Why? And since when.
introvert noun someone who is shy, quiet, and prefers to spend time alone rather than often being with other people
Is all about how someone acts. If they feel comfortable around others or not. Either you like being alone or not. And unless is directly related with work (like sales) , there is no such thing as a “social introvert”. Introverts don’t have the talent to call themselves social. Is more like a technique, something you fake until people stop bothering you.
There’s no such thing as shyness - it’s autism.
There’s no such thing as arrogance - it’s narcisism.
There’s no such thing as absent-minded - it’s ADHD.
There’s no such thing as selfish - it’s Antisocial Personality Disorder.
There’s no such thing as neuotypical - everyone is neurodivergent.
Pick a label and get in lane.
Don’t make me tap the sign 👇
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The key to good conversation is finding something interesting in what they say and delving into it. Why did they go there? What did they like about it? Where are they going next?
The key to boring conversation is the opposite, short answers with no room to navigate. Oh, I guess. Thats nice. Not much really.
