Yes, but I just see people around looking for love that is all just cuddly with tons of hearts and compliments, and they get angry when there is some sort of disagreement, like what did you expect? Love is about finding and accepting a person who is perfect for you accepting them with both their strengths and weaknesses, not necessarily someone who is perfect in character, but everyone is just kinda ‘Oh she really respects me and trusts me with her whole heart but I wonder if she likes because I am dark skinned’
I think that what ryathal was getting at is that there’s a distinction between the kind of shouting that happens in the arguments one expects in a regular relationship, vs the kind of shouting where its one person shouting at the other for a long time. I don’t even know if I’d count that latter one as “an argument”.
The distinction can get muddy and it’s not always clear where the line is, but some people grow up without any sense of that line existing at all. Because of my childhood, for example, in my first relationship, I was terrified of any conflict, because I had internalised that “argument” meant “screaming obscenities at each other”. I had to learn how to have arguments, a key part of which was learning how to disagree on an emotionally fraught subject without having to shout, plus developing a sense of when some shouting may be justified).
I agree with your sentiment that people who think of love as being a perfect, clear sailing thing are setting unreasonable expectations, but I don’t think I’m on board with the idea of a person being “perfect for you”, or that love means accepting them as they are. I think there’s a bit of that, sure, but I also think that there’s a lot of learning to grow together, and actively putting work into the love that exists between two people.
I agree you with all you said, what I meant by saying acceptance is that when you really love someone (in particular marry), you accept a persons character and the flaws that might exist in it, maybe an emotional thing like being short-tempered, or something physical, sure you grow together, that’s what a healthy relationship is, but I don’t think you can find a person who is perfect In literally every way possible and who always agrees with you 100% it sucks but it’s the truth, this of course shouldn’t take a form of domestic violence or toxicity or constant yelling, but I don’t think you can complain if it sometimes things get overly emotional
And tbh I thinks it’s great that love is flawed, if it was perfect all the time, you might not be able to appreciate all the beautiful things and emotions that come with it, having a whole set of emotions with it kinda makes it more complete imho
Yes, but I just see people around looking for love that is all just cuddly with tons of hearts and compliments, and they get angry when there is some sort of disagreement, like what did you expect? Love is about finding and accepting a person who is perfect for you accepting them with both their strengths and weaknesses, not necessarily someone who is perfect in character, but everyone is just kinda ‘Oh she really respects me and trusts me with her whole heart but I wonder if she likes because I am dark skinned’
I think that what ryathal was getting at is that there’s a distinction between the kind of shouting that happens in the arguments one expects in a regular relationship, vs the kind of shouting where its one person shouting at the other for a long time. I don’t even know if I’d count that latter one as “an argument”.
The distinction can get muddy and it’s not always clear where the line is, but some people grow up without any sense of that line existing at all. Because of my childhood, for example, in my first relationship, I was terrified of any conflict, because I had internalised that “argument” meant “screaming obscenities at each other”. I had to learn how to have arguments, a key part of which was learning how to disagree on an emotionally fraught subject without having to shout, plus developing a sense of when some shouting may be justified).
I agree with your sentiment that people who think of love as being a perfect, clear sailing thing are setting unreasonable expectations, but I don’t think I’m on board with the idea of a person being “perfect for you”, or that love means accepting them as they are. I think there’s a bit of that, sure, but I also think that there’s a lot of learning to grow together, and actively putting work into the love that exists between two people.
I agree you with all you said, what I meant by saying acceptance is that when you really love someone (in particular marry), you accept a persons character and the flaws that might exist in it, maybe an emotional thing like being short-tempered, or something physical, sure you grow together, that’s what a healthy relationship is, but I don’t think you can find a person who is perfect In literally every way possible and who always agrees with you 100% it sucks but it’s the truth, this of course shouldn’t take a form of domestic violence or toxicity or constant yelling, but I don’t think you can complain if it sometimes things get overly emotional
And tbh I thinks it’s great that love is flawed, if it was perfect all the time, you might not be able to appreciate all the beautiful things and emotions that come with it, having a whole set of emotions with it kinda makes it more complete imho