- 17 Posts
- 36 Comments
I’m not too sure about this one. No brands stick out. I will do a quick bit of searching, but this is what I’ve found on the surface level.
I love your phrasing of “behind the back punishment”. Working in an office long enough and hearing the gossip about others makes me realize that myself personally is not exempt from being gossiped about.
I’d rather not say a “no-no” by accident when showing my candid self, which gets me grouped into being an odd ball. I have a mask personality that quite frankly I hate. He’s boring, plain, and can’t show any of his ultra specific interests or adeptness without coming off as a show off. It’s hard to talk about how I can play multiple instruments, speak many languages, and enjoy electronics and gardening without coming off as some bougie pretentious fuck. Hopefully I’m far from that, but a lot of the times my non chalantness with how I’ve taught myself all these skills make people think I’m over inflating my abilities or I’m just trying to brag.
Generally I’ve been a confidante to many people because they are willing to open up to me. But I think once I learn such deep information about someone so early in a friendship, this person regrets sharing the candid side of themselves and then distances themself from me.
I like being avant- Garde and over the top when I want to get someone’s attention… This seems to break people out of their robotic work responses, and it gives others a chance to show their fun side.
Giving compliments is fun, but I feel sometimes people think I’m complimenting them for one in return!
Agreed with not wanting to exchange superficialities… It just feels like the other person is trying to mine for a particular type of interaction when the conversation is all hot air. This isn’t a prejudice I impose on all, but if the talk is about someone’s significant other, bragging about their child, or something about a celebrity or trend I don’t necessarily see eye to eye with, these are examples of off putting topics.
Lately I have wanted to improve my own fashion sense. After getting my first career, I was able to get my teeth straightened, so this has improved confidence with smiling and showing my teeth. Agree with the smiling wrong sentiment though. It’s evident I’m autistic from how wide my face will perk up. People who know me enjoy my bubbliness, but it triggers something in strangers usually.
When I’m being trained by other professionals, I can tell I’m one of the more engaging folks in the group. If there are 3 or 4 other engineers with me, predominantly I’ll be given eye contact (which drains my social battery) and this leads to me being the most inquisitive up until my social level collapses and I nearly become non verbal. I’ll stop comprehending what the other person is telling me, start sweating, and the words start sounding like muffled noise. This can immediately change a new persons opinion with me, as 1 out of the 10 people I met got to see this during a first impression, and has a permanent burn in of that side of myself as his perception of my general personality. Sucks, but you can’t change that!
Love to hear that living your truth and with your natural neurotype is helping you 😊 I feel the same learning about my autism more and understanding the lapses in consciousness and gaps in emotional awareness…
Just posted a follow-up, but you bring up some good points.
Getting people to speak to me generally is an easy part. I don’t have trouble approaching others or initiating some sort of conversation. Usually this will be about a clearly visible article of clothing, cool earrings, pride apparel, hairstyle, the common small talk topics.
The back and forth will last generally for 2-6 sentences, where some type of awkwardness will insert itself into the situation. Maybe I don’t know how to respond after someone has shared something about an actor or singer they like. Maybe there’s an online trend I’ve missed, or they’re shocked that I’m in my early 20s and have no mainstream social media platforms. It’s not like my intention is to reveal that I’m a crazed Linux weirdo to everyone I know, but my interests are hyper specific. I could read up about what others like, but that would remove the authenticity from the conversation.
I know that depth like this doesn’t apply to smalltalk, and I don’t want to seem like an emotional weirdo to others, but I generally will also get happy and excited when others share my interests, which can be off putting in a different sense, maybe 10 minutes into a short chat.
My tendency to delve into historical facts, geography, electronics, scientific history, in order to connect something someone said about a building or a roof can also put people off. This is what I mean about being a chatterbox. I could never run out of things to say, so this oftentimes isn’t the problem. I’ve had wonderful and fulfilling conversation for hours over food and drinks with others who don’t mind this facet of me.
Once people get to know my character and who I am, this tends not to be an issue. But developing a working acquaintanceship is the difficult part so I don’t come off as a weirdo.
So let’s start off with small talk I.e 1-3 minute interactions, and branch into medium length office chats, then conclude with a lunch or dinner conversation.
Usually when I try this strategy, I might fall flat on my face by not knowing anything at all what I just asked about. Should one thing of every small talk excursion as an onion?
What I mean by an onion is to be able to organize the depth of the conversation by extent of discussion. To transform the comment into a dialogue is most desirable. Small talk is the goal here, just not the robotic:
“I like your Kansas City Chiefs Jersey!”
“Oh thanks, did you see how Frank Footballer did that pass against the Steelers?”
“Not really, but my grandmother always had the TV on and loved the Super Bowl!”
“Cool, buddy!”
After this, it’s like a game over screen is flashed before my eyes. Not to be dramatic, but this situation happens in many domains of conversation for me.
Do you have any extended advice for this?
That sounds simple enough for me to remember! Focusing on being a better listener is what I should be working on.
But what if there are no immediate things to talk about? What if the conversation falls flat? Do you have a 3 strikes rule before you walk away from the interaction?
Maybe I’m getting too much in my head about things. Thanks for the reassurance 😊 This community always makes me feel more secure with some of my inner concerns about socializing and my perception in the eyes of others.
0·1 month agoI relate to this viscerally. Throughout my life, the easiest way for me to genuinely connect with others has been through a setting where we don’t have in-person body language.
In real life I’ve usually been quite bubbly, but that’s because I’m usually quite happy and enjoy spreading positive energy. It’s much better to uplift others than to break them down.
My friend groups have ebbed and flown over the years, but ultimately something drives us apart. Most of the time I’m clueless as to why. I think it’s because people don’t want to hurt my feelings because I’m polite and they have a history with me, but don’t want to continue a friendship.
I prefer to slide in social situations where we are in a small group or one-on-one. It usually feels more substantive and brings people who don’t mind info-dumping, obsessions, and more often than not, they enjoy the impact of my neurotype on my personality. It’s not like people can’t enjoy my personality… Just a specific subset. However, I’ve never felt like I’ve truly belonged in any group either. Nerdy, but not in the archetype to where I fit in with a traditional nerd. Enjoy outdoor things, but not to the point where it defines my life, as I enjoy electronics, linguistics, and musicianship. Broad range of interests that are too esoteric can put people off from a lack of relatability.
Being German American with my heritage mostly detached, I’d say this is the case in both Germany and the US. I grew up teaching myself the language, and have held a semblance of being “German” as an ethnicity, but am very clearly culturally distinct from real German people. It’s weird to observe that both cultures forego their norms and cave into their humanity when it comes to socializing. All folks follow different strokes.
It just seems like whenever you want to put yourself out there, there’s some intangible barrier that blocks a true friendship from forming. Is it ineptness? Am I perceived as selfish by talking too much about an interest? What about the questions I ask? My responses… As I’ve gotten older I’ve cared far less about the opinions of others. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t yearn for some form of involvement. Hope you feel okay. This community has made me feel far less alien than I ever have.
Amazing post! I’ve been wanting to do the same… Have you found a CLI .csv file editor? One of the points of friction for me is finding how to replace Excel’s functionality past Libreoffice. I’m more curious to see what that workflow can do when one uses no GUI whatsoever.
That’s fine, but I assume you mean that you’re not sure when to say something more substantive than a simple affirmation that you’re following along. A couple of other tips I’ve picked up that help with this:
After implementing what you’ve said in the past couple of my interactions, I noticed that people were more likely to smile and attentively listen after they’ve shared something themselves. Eliciting that initial interest from the other person removed a lot of the awkward silences, as it was filled with them talking more than myself. As I’ve been focusing more on what the person emphasizes, I’m able to find out more about what excites them to talk about, so I’m able to draw more attention to their interests and make them feel heard. Very good advice here.
Generally try to ask open ended questions rather than yes/no questions. And remember my first tips that the question you ask is also a way of conveying where you want the conversation to go. So if you don’t want to talk about your own parents, maybe it’s better to ask about the beach. And don’t be afraid to say “me too” and then if they say something like “really?” then it’s your turn to talk for a bit as you relate the thing you have in common with them.
To solidify this advice… Are there any “baskets” that questions generally could be sorted into? The open-ended type sometimes falls flat if I ask it from the “wrong” basket. Exactly as you mentioned with not wanting to talk about your own parents, but asking about them anyways and then not having much to say directly afterwards. Not to neg on details, but would it be unhealthy to think a certain amount of steps “ahead” in a conversation? This has been on my mind lately, but I’m not sure how to describe it other than I’d like to engage the person and get them to think about things rather than be a captive listener or have them monologue about themselves.
I feel like I don’t understand eye contact or body language too well. We all know the awkward feeling of seeing someone far away in a hallway. I’ve never quite got this one down… If I know the person, it’s usually okay to make some strange handmotions and tease a bit as you get closer. But sometimes, I can tell the other person doesn’t want to look at me, but will raise their head to say hi as we are within 5 ish feet of each other. A strange autistic detail, but I just want to be more charismatic in general, and appreciate you taking the time to write these comments!
This is great advice! I’ll try to implement it over the next couple of times I’m chatting with these same people. Oftentimes, I find it hard to gauge what the other person might “want” to talk about. This can be challenging with people who are more shy or not necessarily big conversationalists from what I’ve experienced.
My follow-up would be… How do you engage in a dialogue? Do you adhere to any principles as to how long you are talking, the uniqueness of words that you use to describe your ideas…? How do you balance what you’re going to say with active listening? Because sometimes I feel like I attentively listen TOO much, and I’m just there nodding and dispensing a digitized voice-line of “wow!” “awesome” “fun” “cool” “Oh that’s interesting” and so forth…
0·9 months agoThanks for the code example. I tried going through web3 awhile back with HTML, but need to go through at least 60% more of the course and examples they provided on the website.
I’m a bit confused on what a server is, past “someone else’s computer” or “another computer” or “a machine elsewhere that is able to take and receive requests”. When you write a “GET” request, is this pulling from another file on your machine locally, but still using the HTML framework and WASM to have “Piece of code 1” talk to “Piece of code 2”? And this all happens locally on the same machine you’re using?
Currently I’m using the Kate IDE editor since Neovim made me hurl my lunch. Spyder was what I used for Python, but it can’t be used with more than one language unfortunately. I’d assume programs with functions provided by Electron are able to cache what they retrieve… Is the “server” downloaded alongside the application, therefore not requiring WiFi connection to use the application?
Hope my questions aren’t too out in left-field and thanks again for your response!
Definitely will, I appreciate the support :) I’ll hop onto the Rust form after I’ve read the book with some questions.
That looks like a helpful guide to go through as well. I’m not too familiar with compiling/building/making (only the general notions)… In the past, I’ve abandoned programming projects because I got bogged down in the semantics of the documentation.
Should I stick to drawing high-level flowcharts pursuing a “make this” Occam’s Razor type philosophy and just condition myself to abandon unnecessary pedantic details? Just trying to make sure I follow through with my programming project this time instead of getting overwhelmed!
I’ve had murmurs of Rust throughout my time here… I’ll give it a try and attempt to make a barebones application with buttons.
Once I’ve either failed catastrophically or have created something to be reviewed, I’ll report back.
Thanks!
0·10 months agoThat’s a very poetic way of looking at the way our data on these forms will be processed and ingested by LLMs in the coming years. I have been considering cloning my own voice and experimenting with the multitude of use cases that can provide.
All the developed literature as well as entirely documented human lives… Readily available with numerical recipes for their processing and integration into whatever societal infrastructure comes out of where we’re headed right now.
It was strange for me to come to terms with that. The crowd that Lemmy fosters is such a different subset than the general population. Sometimes I wonder what growing up online will do to people down the line from us.
It’s heart rending to hear what you’re going through, OP. I’m sure your family will sincerely cherish what you write. I also agree with others who have mentioned to add stipulations on how you want your thoughts to be used. Not to speak for you, but I wouldn’t want my likelihood desecrated in some manufactured effigy long after my death.
Not to say I didn’t spend a fair chunk of my own life online, but with the advancements in materials and manufacturing methods, I wonder what storage devices and technologies will become sarcophagi for our archived lives…
Wishing you wonders in your last moments, OP.
Never have heard of Poetry, but I’ll check it out tonight! I pretty much exclusively coded in Python and Julia up until I got out of uni. I learned after a couple of months of insanity swapping kernels, init systems, distributions and learning everything about file systems only leads to further insanity and productivity hindrance.
Something something recommending someone who doesn’t know what a shell is to use emacs and make a Lua/Neovim config. Thanks for the tip!
Great source! Thank you very much for sharing, I’ll check it out more 😊