Well, you see, applying the law equally to everyone might make some rich criminals appear like they are criminals on account of the crimes they evidently committed and thus make them appear less worthy of holding the highest office in the country and nobody wants that, right? Gotta keep the election fair by letting rich people get away with their crimes until they can pardon themselves, right?

Oh no, cover your ears, poor innocent American! You heard nothing.

This is almost as bad as when we had to carpet bomb another village to a crater last week to prevent the public from finding out that …

^{women have nipples too}

Or powerwalked really fast.

Only until Trump is no longer the GOP’s darling. As soon as his grip on the Republican party’s balls is no longer all-encompassing, it’ll turn out that nobody ever really liked him or knew him at all and they actually were never really with him to begin with. Donald who again?

And even if he had been found guilty of a crime, then it would just have been a rigged trial. Innocence thus proven. Checkmate, laws.

Hey! HEY! That is a vile insinuation! They’d never do that and also they only suppress votes for the other party and those don’t count anyway, so what if they do it when it’s perfectly fine seeing how they could never win if they allowed the election to be run fairly, and in conclusion, voter suppression is great and everybody should do it (except for non-republicans).

Wait, what were we talking about again?

What do you value higher - that one company’s profits or the public? Why are you so selfish? Why can’t you just be happy that that one company gets to hold the entire population hostage over the necessary good or service that they can then monopolise? It’s so much easier to squeeze the poor for all they own when their very survival depends on the things you can hand out or hold back at a whim. Something something the free market will probably prevent abuse or something, so it’s perfectly okay.

But he has money. If you’re rich, they let you do it.

Oompaloompaface Don.

Which oune wold yo souggest?

Bit slow in the frames-per-second department though.

A million seconds is a little over 11 days.

A billion seconds is a little over 31 years.

Billionaires should be required to count out their dollars individually every few days.

I hear the alphabet they’re teaching is also being used in some of the books banned in Florida for being too satanistically woke. Also some of the numbers that appear in Sesame Street were used in counting all the fraudulent votes in 2020 that were fraudulent because they had someone other than Trump selected.

I dunno… Still better ratings than the star wars star cruiser hotel thingie.

Ad 1) this voting system is fixed to keep the two entrenched parties in power. It is tailor-made to funnel power to the two behemoths so that they can amass power to a degree where other players overtaking them is… unlikely under regular circumstances. But apart from that, addressing the issue of the voting system and it being fixed are two different things, and just like one would not do car maintenance while the car is speeding along a highway, restructuring the voting process is not something that will feasibly be done two weeks before election day when certain states are already in the middle of voting.

Well, they read it in a forum where anybody can write anything, so it must be true. They are truly the best at fair and balanced ripoartign.

What’s your plan for getting a functional better system ready within two weeks? Because if you have an actually feasible suggestion, I nominate you for president.

At least they can finally admit that they are not a car company.