Nature’s dumbest, most disgusting and loveable vacuum cleaner.

This is the only correct answer here. If you wouldn’t have posted it I would have.

Play to your strengths, Lauren. Maybe it’s time to drop the sad quasipolitical angle and just go pro.

I had to go demonstrate what you’re saying, and yes, 100% possible, but impressively bad situational awareness for sure. The science has been done, thank you for this hypothesis.

So real talk, was this guy trying to wipe with his pants UP? I’m desperately trying to figure out how you’d do this unintentionally.

This is gonna sound so fake it’s ridiculous, but at least it’s short. This was about a decade ago when I was about to go to college, so that factored into the setting, but the other part? No idea. Basically, I was riding around my college campus on the back of a raptor, saddle and all. I was having a blast, and everybody thought it was so cool that I had a badass dinosaur to ride around on, because obviously nobody else did. That was the whole dream, zero plot, nobody got eaten, just me and my raptor buddy having a grand ol’ time stomping around campus.