My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?
Also, what kind of cut? Moissante vs Lab grown?
Probably different depending on region. Our engagement rings were slate white gold and platinum. When we picked out her wedding ring we first went to jewelers. Everything there was kinda ugly. No elegance, just mass-produced bulky stuff. Unless you want to cough up at least 3000€. So we checked an auction house. Found a gorgeous diamond ring from the 1930s, real elegant and you could see the craftsmanship in every little detail. And I got it for 400€. Then took it to a jeweler to size it and engrave it.
So that could be an option.
I got one that has another kind of stone as the main stone with cubic zirconias around it. That sort of arrangement isn’t too expensive, and more interesting than a diamond.
Don’t do a plain silver band. They tarnish and cause irritation. The band should be either a metal that doesn’t tarnish, or coated in one.
My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.
This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you’ll hear a “yes”
You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.
That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.
IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn’t break the bank.
Yeah, but a lot of people come to the agreement that they’ll get married without an official proposal date getting set.
Shouldn’t the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?
The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.
The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there’s no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)
But even that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.
Also, make sure it’s a “dress your best” kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.
Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren’t as concerned about the surprise.
The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped “coupon”? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).
[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. “I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings”. A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.
That’s a perfect example of what I meant, it’s cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they’re comfortable with.
Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)…
Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.
Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It’s honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices
avoid diamonds. there are prettier (and more humane) stones. not to mention: more affordable
instead, choose a stone and metal that reflect your and your intended’s personalies.
Are lab grown okay, value wise? what about moissante?
I got my wife a moissanite and it turned out beautiful.
She likes big stones so I got her a 2ct oval one which she loved. Didn’t care much for the technicalities - it looks good, suits her style and that’s all that matters.
And no way you could get a 2ct diamond for 700$.A person who won’t appreciate how you choose to express your love isn’t someone you’d want to marry, anyway.
IMO moissanite is a better idea, looks nicer, fuck debeers. Check out your partners existing jewellery for ideas, see if they tend to prefer gold colour metal or silver coloured
Lab grown are produced under conditions that would get you animal cruelty charges if you subjected your pets to them. And they are separated from their siblings very early in the process and sold off to stores all across the country.
I’m so confused by this comment. Are you trying to say that putting a live animal under extreme pressure and zapping them would constitute animal cruelty?
If you don’t agree, you’re sick in the head!
I’m not disagreeing. I’m confused because I don’t see how it’s relevant to the comment you responded to.
I think they’re making a joke. It has upvotes, so some people seem to like it
Ah, makes sense. Thanks
My wife loves moissanite, we went with etsy and even got her wedding band custom designed in CAD to fit her engagement ring. Manhattan box was the store we used for the band and a UK spot called shinyjungle for engagement ring where she liked a lab grown morganite. She gets a lot of compliments on them. Most cant tell the difference between them and traditional blood diamonds. Cubic zirconia or epoxy based stones are what you dont want.
I went with moissanite and it was perfect. Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.
I went to a local jeweler and they ordered in the moissanite for me, then affixed it to one of their rings. The entire thing was around $350.
Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.
Good point. But as someone who bought a diamond and still regrets it, I hope these younger wiser folks can embrace and normalize avoiding diamonds.
Anytime I see a wedding ring that’s clearly not a diamond, my respect for that union raises immediately.
Both are beautiful, and both are easily distinguishable from natural diamonds for being too perfect. The irony is that natural diamonds increase in value if they have fewer imperfections, but almost no natural diamonds have zero imperfections.
Value-wise, in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over time, but in practice the value of natural diamonds is manipulated by the diamond conglomerates that control the market. We won’t “exhaust the supply” of diamonds in our lifetimes, so there’s not much sense in worrying about the value of the gem either way.
Are any gems “worth it”? That’s between you and your wallet. It’s an entirely superficial item, serving no practical purpose. To paraphrase a modern American philosopher, you can get married with paper rings. The ring is a symbol of your commitment, and as long as your fiancee enjoys wearing it everyday, don’t stress about what other people will think.
I wouldn’t concern myself about a lab diamond being too perfect. I have never met anyone that pulled out a loupe in the restaurant to check. That’s between me and the jeweler.
You’re right, but moisannite can be distinguished without a loupe by a colorful flash. But also anyone knowledgeable enough to spot that at a distance probably does not have the same prejudices against lab-made diamonds. I mean, unless they work for Debeers.
We went with moissanite, and everyone thinks its an insanely expensive diamond
Moissanite is sparklier than diamond, so for what people look at in rings, it ends up looking better than diamond
Don’t listen to commercials… 3 months salary as a guideline … My Ass!
By now you should know her tastes. Or just ask her about it. She’s the one who’s gonna wear it.
I spent more than I should have about 3 years ago, but I HIGHLY recommend the lab diamonds. I was able to get better quality for less price.
I looked into Moissante, and whether or not you should get that is really up to her. A doofus like me would never know it’s not a diamond, but many people would. Definitely DO NOT try to pass it off as a diamond, because she’ll find out one way or another. If you were proposing to me, (don’t get your hopes up, I’m taken) and told me that we could save a thousand dollars by going with Moissante, I’d be all for it because I’m cheap and tradition doesn’t mean much to me, but most people aren’t like me.
I know it’s tricky to get information without ruining the surprise, so what I did was send her a message while I was at work: “The girls here are having a debate on whether or not a fake diamond is acceptable for an engagement ring. 😂”. Her response told me everything I needed to know about Moissante.
Good luck! Don’t forget to invite us to the wedding!
The surprise shouldn’t be that you’re about to propose. The surprise should be in how you choose to propose.
Unless the ring’s details are part of the surprise (which they could be, if it’s meaningful to the couple), clear and open communication should be preferred
Yeah, my parents already had the wedding booked by the time my dad had proposed 🤣
I have Moissy ring and it’s gorgeous. I’d have been pissed to get something that cost more. It’s really a pretty stone, and durable as fuck.
You will need an idea of her taste in jewelry, ask her literally to send you pictures of what she likes. I think a solitaire is best and that is way more affordable if it’s not diamond, or at least that was true when we were getting engaged.
Lab diamonds are “fake” diamonds. Artificial and natural diamonds only differ in their level of human suffering and exploitation, with natural diamonds being higher in both.
Band metal depends on taste and costs. Platinum is the most expensive and best IMO, gold is kind of out of style(does she wear gold rings?), white gold is budget platinum, silver is cheap platinum that tarnishes.
Get a lab diamond with both your birth stones flanking it. For the band, I would go with white gold unless she wears gold rings a lot or you can afford platinum.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off, but should be absolutely ecstatic for anything you get. Talk to her married friends’ husbands and don’t get a bigger diamond than they got if you want to be a bro.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off…
Nope, no. No no. If a woman says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her. As a married woman with married friends not a single one of them wanted a ring any more expensive than $500 or so, the average was about $300. Big rocks get left in the jewelry box because they get caught on things. One of my friends has two engagement rings, one with the big rock and another she picked out with her now husband. Guess which one she wears? This is from a sample size of about 25 women I know personally with a 0% instance rate of what you describe. My own engagement ring was about $35 with shipping because I like sterling silver and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
If a woman (or anyone) says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her.
Excellent advice. I’m quoting it again here in case anyone reading along missed it, because I wish someone had knocked this into my head before I made an ass of myself a few times.
If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.
I went the same route, it was significantly less expensive to get a nicer custom ring made by a local jewler I knew, to my spec/design then to get a commodity one from a store.
Diamonds are a commodity like gold and silver. You can buy market value diamonds from a dealer and then have a ring made. Even for synthetic diamonds this is the cheapest way to get a diamond ring.
I used a sapphire. I’m a ceramic engineer, and sapphire is just alumina, so I think it’s cool, and you can get basically any color you want.
I saw a ring that opens beers… I’ve never a more useful engagement band.
My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
Correct answer. This indicates that the two of you have at least some kind of head on your shoulders.
I used a literal piece of costume jewelry for the proposal. It was very shiny, but only $10. The point of this was, we got a “real” engagement ring afterwards and she could pick what she wanted rather than me doing it for her and getting it wrong. We ultimately settled on a moissanite rock which is, it must be said, hella sparkly. And significantly cheaper than getting a diamond which she’d be forever fearful of losing or smashing out of the setting, or whatever. After visiting quite a few jewelry places, believe it or not the place where we found the one she loved was at Walmart. I still feel sophisticated to this very day.
Fellas, if your chickie is more worried about how shiny a pebble you’ve brought her rather than, you know, the person bringing it, what you have yourself there is a problem.
I watch a youtuber who does reaction videos with her boyfriend. She said she’d rather have a blow-pop than a diamond.
Her reasoning is that blowpops are way cheaper, so you can use that money saved on your future together.
…but maybe don’t do that unless your fiancee is cool.
