Edit: while I’m at it, does anyone know what I should do when I’m waiting for a coincidence/adventure to happen, but it never comes? I can’t really go outside and arrange for it to happen because I don’t know what I’m looking for.

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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        6 months ago

        Nope.

        Nearly every single time in my life that I have expended a significant or even massive amount of time, money, attention, intellectual or emotional capacity toward someone, solved their problems for them, it has been taken for granted, become expected, never reciprocated, and most of the people I helped went on to rope me into situations where I was even more on the hook, or they’d abuse me verbally or physically.

        I finally concluded that none of the idiots in my life actually cared about me at all and just left.

          • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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            6 months ago

            Assuming your name is a pun on Thoreau, I could sure go for a cabin in the woods.

            But yeah. I have been promised so many times oh trust me bro this plan will work and then no it doesn’t and if I get mad about it the other person has an emotional breakdown aaannnd a year later i still haven’t been paid back.

            Or even more fun, doing things to help people that cost me money, with no pay, only to find out a year or two later oh well I paid other person to do the same fucking thing.

            Then they promise to make it up to me down the line and whoops that thing they promised? Oh they sold it to someone else, so sorry.

            Gaslighting. So much gaslighting. I never said that. I already paid you back why are you still bringing this up? Im starting to get worried about your memory!

            Its left me with extreme loner syndrome as I am so very used to every one I ever care for abusing my trust and betraying me.

    • Septimaeus@infosec.pub
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      6 months ago

      I’ve heard this truism my whole life, and glibly repeated it myself at least a few times. But we must acknowledge that it expresses a morally defeatist attitude (cynicism) that poisons the person who actually lives by it.

      The truism is usually deployed right after someone’s good deed was taken advantage of, but the correct solution is not to avoid being good to others, as the truism suggests. It is simply to make sure you’re being good to yourself as well.

      For example, someone you don’t know asks to borrow your car to pick up their kid from school. Being good to them is helping them pick up their kid. Being good to yourself is driving them there yourself instead of handing a rando the keys to your car.