busy as usual, alas
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As always at this day of the week I start to feel intense aggression coupled with too much time on social media around fridays which results in being an insufferable menace to online society. Then on Saturday I feel amazing again… after two days of pointless internet arguments and feeling like sociopath I cry to lion king and love people and animals again.
However today I start to feel intense yearning to commit war crimes and cope by sharing it all with the internet yay. Again the metallic taste of sadism fills my mouth harming more myself really than anyone else in these two day streaks of Reddit freakout.
I need to find some kind of better fkin release than battling lame nerds and loli hentai fans, ordinary morons, marxists leninists, singularity freaks, husbando haters, irs goons, lawful high horse riders
To stay non edgy for most of the time at Thursday and Friday is a challenge. The hormones go down and down inversely proportional to the desire for murder but jail is not the best place for non legally transitioned trans ppl as we all know.
Stay classy Emmie you can do it
Something about this feels like the makings of a short story, or collection of them even. Could be a way to divert yourself from rampaging round social media?
If mostly due to hormonal fluctuations, maybe your doctor can tweak them a little to give you a smoother ride?
I am my own doctor lol it’s all local home grown 100% organic
Hey thanks for the comment though, I feel pretty nice today. I hope you too
Wow this original comment is unreadable who wrote it, ah yes me I guess. This is some really weird person, hope they never come back though I feel they may around Saturday :/
So cringe what the heck. So weird to read when the world is all pink and bright and someone even upvoted it. you guys are real good people that can see through the fumes of self loathing
Wildly impressed at the homegrown cures.
Anyhow, assume this week’s Witching Hour has struck, as my notifications tell me I missed a reply before it was deleted.
Come rail at us if you need to. Am a reasonably ordinary moron if that helps!!
Fuck it’s coming I will make a clown out of myself online again. I am already setting up all the paint, red nose and the wig
I was already blasting classical music at 100 decibels out of my car today because the fuckers must get cultured through Beethoven
STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOU SO MUCH ALREADY!!
Which symphony?
5th piano concert is amazing for locomoting in style and 9th
YES & YES.
So in ordinary moronland, just back from voting on a metre-long ballot comprising 6 Fascists (mercifully unpopular), 3 NazBols (could fool some), 3 Tankies (quite popular) & 11 assorted others.
Now slinging Jagermeïster & have already mistaken some supposed local hotshot from the arts for a locum parish priest. He’s ever so slightly regretting having asked why I thought he looked familiar.
Gonna regale us with tales from the front?
I feel awful. Tested negative for COVID, but I haven’t felt this bad since I had it.
Peak summer here, hottest monday at 47C, its just lovely! Other than that things are looking up, hopefully i’ll get stuff done.
By any chance are you living in India?
yup. i’m used to summers but its getting worse every year.
At peace, I think. Thank you to everyone here for be(e)ing awesome.
I applied to one job opening and already want to give up
My biggest enemy is me 🥲
Keep at it! Remember job applications and interviews are just an elaborate game for people to find out if you’d be a match. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not capable.
Thank you! Appreciate the message, sometimes I need to remember this
Watched I Saw the TV Glow. Fucked me up. A little bit jealous because all my friends left the theater with the determination to start HRT so they don’t end up like the main character. Unfortunately I feel like whatever is wrong with me is much too innate and deep seated to be cured with hormones.
My friend who lashed out and dropped me for offering to pay for his medication started paying for it himself and now he’s super happy all the time. I’ve never felt more useless. I spent several years attempting to support him through his worst, and he basically told me that if I kept giving him false hope, he’d kill himself. Then as soon as I stopped, he did a 180 and feels great 24/7.
I can’t help myself and I can’t help other people, what am I doing here?
Do you think, maybe, that even if HRT wouldn’t touch the deepest stuff, that it would ease some matters and give you a bit more space?
It hurts to hear your friend is abusive toward you. I hope you can find ways to be as supportive toward yourself as you have been toward others - I get that the idea isn’t always so comfortable if there’s a lot of heavy history, but tending to yourself is the best way to tend to everything around you.
Unusually cold. Yesterday it was quite warm in the morning but then it got cloudy and cooler. Thought of going with a shirt only at work and I could not made a worse choice.
Other than that I think it’s fine. I will have to look for a new job soon. 🥲
Thought of going with a shirt only at work and I could not made a worse choice. I will have to look for a new job soon.
May should have went with a shirt and pants :)
I thought of it, but at least I went with a pair of jeans over my underwear
Recently learned that an individual who is causing the most strife and division on my team is super hard-core MAGA Trumper. It really brings a clearer picture on why he is attacking I and the other women on the team and why those he hired are only white men. I’m already nervous about the upcoming election, but to see a supporter so emboldened in his views in the workplace gives me a more in-your-face view of how these people want their day-to-day.
Once upon a time I had the belief that such people were merely lacking information. Maybe that they were a little lacking in empathy, but that their positions were primarily a matter of poor exposure to ideas.
I now that though for some that is true, for the overwhelming majority it is not. They back authoritarian views in full understanding of what that entails for their fellow humans, and they like it.
How able are you to evade political violence should it come to your area? Could you get involved with mutual support/defense groups, or form one? People like your team member get away with a lot within civil society, but come asunder should stuff kick off and norms come under strain.
Meantime, be good to yourself. You’re far from alone.
Thank you for this kind reply; I needed it this morning.
I’m a bit perturbed by the overlap of “toxic-tech-broism” and authoritarian support; to a point where I sometimes want to escape corporate tech all together. I’ve posted a while ago on Beehaw asking how to transition from corporate to a possibly non-profit or government job instead; but my battery for this effort is depleted right now. There is an end in sight within a few months for this project, and my plan is to find a different job with a more progressive team hopefully.
May you also find peace in your own journey in this world; it’s nice to know it’s not a lonely route.
Currently I’m just waiting out job applications to hopefully pay me more than my two part time jobs (or at least one of them) and have me working less for it
I got bored and installed Arch on my desktop. I’m back on Arch after using Ubuntu for years.
I keep considering putting Arch on my desktop (it currently has Ubuntu) but I feel like I would have to back up all my files. Is there a way to upgrade without backing up everything onto one of my hard drives? I’m just worried I’d miss something
You really should back up your system though
So there’s no way of just telling the imager to skip a folder or two? Would switching over even be worth it?
Donno what an imager is. Backup tools do have skip options.
By imager, I just mean when installing an OS
Ah, the thing is that we don’t trust installers, more or less. Nobody should.
3 days off, going to go see AC/DC Wednesday… so thats pretty good
Having a rough one, unfortunately.
Power went out today, but it’s not just us so I think that’s at least promising that we don’t have to have an electrician come out and fix something.
Currently struggling with a lot of anxiety over my computer. I spend a lot of time on it and I love playing video games, plus my queer platonic partner is long distance. But it’s showing a lot of issues and some of the parts are really old, so I want to replace them. Gotta find the money for that somehow. I’m hoping to start fresh on it and wipe everything plus dual boot windows with pop!_os. I had already installed both before but starting anew sounds like a good idea.
I barely know how to use linux but I have a server so that’s helped me understand more, at least. I’d swap completely but one of the games I love demands windows because of anti-cheat.
Birthday was as good as it could be. People close to me put in a lot of effort to make it nice, but trauma always comes in swinging. But it was nicer than other years have been, I’ll count it as a win.
Computer anxiety can be pretty awful. I’m in a long distance relationship as well, and when my partner’s laptop broke (charger port issue) we were stuck communicating only through their phone. For a couple that likes to remotely play games together and watch media together, this is a huge roadblock.
We ended up utilizing a (used) chromebook as a temporary solution until we were able to regain access to the laptop after repairs.
In our case, my partner’s desktop had broken down completely (they later ended up with parts from my ex’s computer that they could use to fix the issues) a while ago, and they had to use a very old laptop as well. I’m a really avid gamer and I’m learning to code, plus I stream for my partner everything from videos, to movies, to video games. Plus we play together. So I feel you!
Currently the remaining parts will be here Friday and then I have to figure out how to put them in. I didn’t build my current desktop and have only done small things in it so far. There’s also wiping things clean for the dual boot, and to help ensure the issues hopefully clear up on the software end. I did at least enjoy learning about different Linux distros.
Thank you for this message! It made me feel a bit better.
Chiming in to wish you luck with the rebuild! I recently built a PC for my wife and I after ~15 years of not building pcs. Don’t be worried, be methodical and have your motherboard diagram up so you can reference what you’re pulling and adding as you go.
thank you so much!! did you build a pc for just everyday use or are you a gamer as well? and thank you for the tips! I have everything now and I’m just waiting for my partner to not be busy so that hopefully today I can video call them and we’ll do it together. they’ve been working on computers since they were 14, so, they’ll be a lot of help! I’m replacing the motherboard, ram, cpu, and cpu cooler (and a fan hub but that’s less important) so I have to strip everything out and start over, hahaha.
always nice seeing you around!
Fucking amazing. First burn, work goes well. I’m actually happy in my own skin after decades of crippling depression.
It’s friday.
I made it to the gym and feel glorious. I’m on Day 4 of being a primary Linux user and it feels nice to know that I’m digitally flipping Microsoft the bird.
Yo man, same. I decided to go to the gym today for the first time since February and… well, I’m not as strong as I used to be, that’s for sure, but it felt really good. I think I’ll start doing it more.
Also – as someone on year 8 of his Linux journey, the start of the road can be rocky, but as long as you stick with it and learn the Linux way of doing things, it is very much worth it. A lot of people like customizing every aspect of their system, and as we all know Linux can deliver that, but I’m very much a fan of a system that just gets out of my way and lets me get stuff done, and Linux can deliver that too.
I work out six days a week, haha.
Once you get to a point where it’s like brushing your teeth, it’s easy.
I’ve been fooling around with an adjustable free weight at home, and forcing myself to do a few (12-15) pushups, bicep curls, or plank hold every night before I let myself go to sleep. It’s no substitute for a gym (hence why I found I was so much weaker lol), especially with only one or two sets, but it’s nice to keep my hand in.
It’s also nice to know I can hold a plank position for 5 minutes without stopping.
Great. I went to Combo Breaker over the weekend and managed to convince some of the out-of-town talent to come to the monday-night local tournament I help run. It was a great success adding to a string of great monday-night tournaments. We’re steadily making this tourney THE weekly local for my city. Feels good.
