In WW2, Allied researchers were trying to figure out how to reduce the number of their planes that were shot down. They found that most of the planes that returned had extensive damage in the wings and tail, so they decided to add armor to the wings and tail.

Then a Jewish scientist named Abraham Wald stepped in. He said to ignore the wings and tail, because the planes that got hit in the wings and tail still made it home to base. Armor the ENGINE. Planes hit in the engine crashed and never made it home to base, so they were never counted. That’s survivorship bias.

So when someone tells you, “ugh if only I could find a man who keeps a clean house” or “I would love to be with a woman who mows the lawn” well…you’re not dating those people. You never date those people.

So, maybe…no you don’t? Maybe the sloppy man and the lazy woman get to home base all the time for a reason.

Maybe stop asking what people think they want, and instead look at what they choose.

  • Anyolduser@lemmynsfw.com
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    4 months ago

    For a long time I’d get involved with confident, self-possessed women who started picking fights six months into dating because they enjoyed the catharsis. It took me three major relationships to find the line between “assertive” and “mean”.

    It takes time and experience to learn lessons, and big problems rarely manifest early on in a relationship. Ignoring red flags is foolish, but misinterpretation happens.