I apologize but this will be kind of dark. As a father I know you are going to be desperate to protect her, but don’t wax poetic about dealing violence to anyone who would do her wrong. For example, don’t talk about beating her current boyfriend/girlfriend if they cross her. Girls are going to have shitty relationships because that’s a part of growing up. Don’t make her think talking to you about them is the nuclear option when she’s still trying to figure out what is acceptable and her boundaries. If she thinks you’ll go beat the shit out of any one who looks at her funny, she might not come to you with her problems until she is willing to accept her dad going to prison for a long time. Everyone is right about listening to her, but make sure she that she knows that you can be trusted. Listen, accept her decisions, work with her, and not to fly off of the handle. Best of luck new father, since you’re asking the right questions I think you are going to be fine.

My dad told me to eat salads and lose weight when I was a little kid. I will never forget. Please don’t shame her, weight and appearances are so touchy but criticizing every bite I ate only fucked me up. I was chubby, I still consider myself the same proportional level of chubby as when I was a kid. I have yoyo dieted my whole life and when I see him I still just push food around my plate.

The one great thing I remember about my childhood was driving long distances the two of us. He would often need to drive a few hours out of town to pick stuff up for work, and I would sit in the passengers seat with one of those huge map books and I would navigate us there. It was a ton of fun just doing mini road trips once or twice a month.

I also went to conventions related to his profession, the topic was boring but conventions of any type inevitably have loads of candy dishes. Just doing things together the two of us felt special.

Don’t be afraid to be wrong and take accountability for your actions. I personally admired my grandpa for telling me this before his passing, there’s no shame in diligently striving for honor.

Most importantly, fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, you might never see the results of your actions; but you’ll be able to sleep soundly at night.

My dad never spent time with me because we didn’t share hobbies, I tried desperately as a kid to get into what he liked, but he never tried to get into what I liked. My mom knew the names of the kids on Barney, what snacks cheered me up, or what friends I had in school, my dad also lived in the house.

As adults we’ve found common ground in politics and TV, and we have a relationship now, but we’d have a much better relationship if he’d tried to hang out with me back then.

So I guess my advice is just hang out with her, whatever form that takes. Time is so important.

What everyone else has said but - apologize when you’re wrong. Tell your children that you were wrong, why you acted or said what you did, and how you will try to do better next time. Set the example that everyone is wrong, that it’s more important to make it right than be perfect

Stand up to other men when they say or do shitty things. My dad was mostly a pretty good feminist and advocate and I know he believed I could do just about anything I set my mind to, but there were times when family members would say some really crappy things and he just kind of stood by for the sake of keeping the peace. I never shut my mouth in those instances, but it would’ve meant a lot if my dad had spoken up. I’m not saying it has to be a whole fight or anything, but even saying, “Hey, not cool,” helps. It shows that your support isn’t just lip service.

Listen. Listen and make sure they know you hear them. Actively engage in thier interests. Be honest. Just don’t bullshit them. Daughters know. Mine are 27 and 11 and those are my biggest missteps along the way.

Oh, also be wrong. Be wrong and accountable. And learn.

This thread already has so much great advice that it made me a bit teary eyed reading it. I don’t know if I can contribute much but I’ll try.

• 90% of parenting is just showing up. Your physical, mental, and emotional presents will mean far more to them than anything else. That’s what will make them feel valued and loved.
• Fuck gender norms. Regardless of if your child wants to learn to sew, fix engines, or both, embrace it, encourage them, and be there with them every step of the way.
• They don’t really have any perspective on things so small things to you are huge things to them. Don’t just dismiss their feelings.
• like everyone else said, listen to them. Like really listen every time.
• Don’t over think it. If you’re asking these questions, your head and heart are already in the right place. Trust yourself.

Did his share of the housework. My dad didn’t know how to cook well, but you bet your butt he did laundry, vacuumed, dusted, washed dishes, whatever was needed around the house he did it. And he did cook at least once a week, although it was always stuff like grilled cheese or pancakes.

Growing up in a household where both parents put in equal effort at home really set up the expectation for me that this is how relationships work.

My dad was also very loving and openly affectionate to us all. He would give us hugs, tell us he loved us and how proud of us he is, even to the point of tearing up sometimes. I love that about him and see it as an admirable quality in men.

Girls learn what to expect from men based on what they see their fathers do. Be kind, gentle, and respect your daughter and that’s the kind of men she’ll surround herself with.

Actually being there and staying involved is important. My biodad was a complete POS until last year. My mom was essentially a single mother my whole life because my biodad was never around. He was a really good father for the first two years of my life, then he just kinda stopped giving a shit. I recommend that you don’t do that. He used to manipulate tf out of me emotionally and would make so many false promises. His mental health was fucked and he was an alcoholic for a long time.

I cut ties entirely with him and a few years after that, he reached out to my mom to see if we could talk. He had finally gotten his shit together. He’s on his meds and doesn’t drink like he used to. I don’t see the man as a father, however. I see him as a friend. We text almost daily, but he knows that I don’t consider him a father-figure and acknowledges it and all of his wrongdoings. He was only 21 years too late, but that’s better than never.

He is part of the reason I have a very hard time trusting people. He had let me down countless times in my life and each time just broke me. I just couldn’t not get my hopes up at his false promises. He was so good at sounding genuine. Now that he’s sober and on his meds, I’ve learned that his truly genuine tone and words are far different than the ones he used when he was still a drunk.

Anyway, I highly recommend you don’t do any of the shit my biodad did. Being hella bitter about your relationship with your father sucks.

My wife’s father is still peddling that toxic masculinity bullshit on his grandson, saying…to our 1-year-old… To toughen it up.

My wife about lost it on him. Now that was to our son but for our daughter it would be no different and it’s a reflection of her childhood.

Being emotionally unattached, uncomfortable with crying, and being incapable saying sorry and admitting you’re wrong are simply massive. Kids are kids but they have a keen sense of justice and parents should empower them to stand up for themselves and be proud of them for exposing you as a hypocrite… Not beat them with a belt…

And for goodness sake, play with your kid. She wants to play dolls? Dress you up? Paint your nails? Tea time? By god you do it! If she wants to play with army men (they make army gals, too), go for it!

My dad was a wonderful man with a great heart, but I think in this conversation, it’s more productive to speak of his downfalls. He died when I was 15, and I was very close to him until then. He was so often smiling, and giving, and generous, and caring to everyone and anyone he met. But one of the most impactful things I remember is that he was severely depressed in the last 5 years of his life. As a child, I didn’t know what to do about it. Shit, as an adult, I wouldn’t know what to do.

If you feel depression creeping up, for the sake of your daughter - for the sake of your family - get help.

I miss my dad so much, and I hate that the dominating memories I have of him are when he was max depressed, or when he was in a coma.

People say that daughters and fathers have a unique relationship too.

Just try to build a good relationship to her, and all will be good.

speak from the heart and not the head

This is probaly a very good start.

To live a good life as an adult?

This isn’t exactly what’s needed for a good relationship.

Do it anyway :) because children usually don’t do what parents say, but what they see parents doing.

Everyone says ‘listen’ but I would suggest one way to act on that advice. This is more of a general parenting advice for small kids (or all kids?).

Let them choose what to do. If their interested in soccer, give that a try. If they want to learn about ants, let them observe, guide them through the thoughts.

Play is dictated by their interests, not your expectations or dreams. This way there is much less struggle, save for the times you really need, and learning and play get tied together.

So much nice advice here. I’m turning 30 this month and my dad and I continue to be very close. Top things I’m grateful for about my dad:

My dad is always lifting me up, but he did not and does not give me empty praise. He to this day gives me compliments about specific things he notices, which is amazing for my self esteem. Some examples: While I was cleaning the other day and kind of barking directions : “I love it when you get in the zone like this. It’s like you can accomplish anything” or “that’s something I have always been in awe of about you; you somehow know when people are down and figure out a way to lift them up. You’re very intuitive about it.” Or during a long day of hard work, " you’re like a machine! You’re incredible. Do you need anything?" Complimenting every little thing will just make her not trust your compliments. Being specific and accurate in your praise will help her feel truly good about herself and also strengthen your bond.

Idk what it’s like if it’s a step daughter and not a bio daughter but my dad would take me out. We never called it daddy daughter dates or anything (ew) but he would take me to dinner and a movie, or buy me flowers, or stop for coffee or ice cream at local shops. If we had to go somewhere for work or to pick up something for a home project he’d just stop at a bookstore and say this place looks cool, want to procrastinate a little in here with me? I know he loves to spend real time with me and he’s always opening me up to new places/hobbies

MOST IMPORTANTLY: my dad adores and dotes on my mom. There is nothing he won’t do for her. He will help her with the same problem a hundred times. He will make her coffee just the way she likes it every morning. He spoils her, he relies on her, he treats her like he is lucky to be around her, and that helps me to know exactly how I should be treated. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me, not partners, not coworkers, not friends or in-laws. I know what a healthy relationship looks like, and I know what a partnership of respect and love looks like. My parents argue in front of me, sure, but I never ever doubt how much they love each other.