My family immigrated to the UK from Poland when I was six. I’m 20 now, speak much better English than Polish and feel like this is my land/culture. However I have a Polish first and last name, Polish passport and “unique” accent everyone picks up on, so despite this I’m usually perceived as an outsider. It makes me really sad because I don’t “belong” in Poland anymore either. Everything seems so complicated especially as I’ve gotten older with having to get the right documentation for work and opening a bank account and etc also… Not even sure if I can vote in the next general election even though I feel like I should be able to?
I’ve had a few nasty instances of being told to go back to my own country, even had a conker thrown at my head while a boy yelled Polski at me in year 11, and tbh even just been seen as a novelty and being asked to say something in Polish has gotten really old. I guess I’m just wondering if I’ll ever truly fit in. For some context, I grew up in North England and now live in Wales
Being in the same situation in a different country, but a couple of years older: In my experience you never will be fully accepted by everyone. You will be the Polish guy in UK and the British guy in Poland.
You can identify yourself as what you want. You must learn that people have the right to have their own opinion even though it is wrong or opposed to yours. You have to learn not to care and live your life as a nice person. It doesn’t matter at all what others think as long as they don’t hurt you.
I am a woman, but other than that bang on
Will you ever be yourself?
Will yourself ever be you ?
You’ll never be anything less than what you are, but that’s a strength. Just speaking two languages well already puts you at an advantage. The experiences you have of seeing the cultures in relation to each other also gives you an edge.
Sometimes it’s nice to be able to just blend in, but life is all about learning and gathering experiences and impressions, and you have a head start. It might not always be easy, but you’ll learn to appreciate it.
And as long as Poland is in the EU I’d much rather have a Polish passport than an English one.
For what it’s worth, if you’ve lived here since you were six, I’d absolutely consider you British.
British with Polish roots maybe, and perhaps officially Polish in legal terms (re your passport), but this is your home, so perception-wise I’d definitely call you British.
Re working and voting, that’s where it gets more complicated and I don’t know what the rules say, although it would seem hugely unfair for you not to have those rights having lived here for such a large proportion of your life. You could maybe try your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau for more informed advice on those points.
Sorry you experienced the kind of abuse/patronising attitudes as you describe - some people are just arseholes unfortunately. Doesn’t make them right though.
I hope that things get easier for you, and that as time passes you feel more accepted by those around you and are able to take part in regular life as much as possible.
No ones truly anything, nationalism is a horrid thing and sorry people have treated you as they have, its more they’re own insecurity then anything to do with you.
You might be able to find people who accept you, even if the average Brit doesn’t. People have strange ideas about whom to hate and why.
It’s complicated and I can’t pretend to really understand your situation, but I trust that feeling pity for them works better for your mental health than any other reaction, including trying to ignore them. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself believe them.
Peace.
You’re culturally British, therefore you’re British.
I know the feeling. I’ve been in the USA for decades, almost my entire life, but as soon as I say anything, everyone can immediately hear that I’m not American. People who ask me about it are well-meaning and curious. I still don’t like it, but I try not to show it.
That well meaning curiosity is the America I know.
I was born in North Carolina, I speak with a textbook Piedmont white guy drawl. I’m as American as high fructose corn syrup, no question. Here’s some hell I’ve caught: Europeans struggle to cope when I describe myself as “German and a little Scottish.” To me, that’s my ethnic background, to a lot of Europeans I’ve argued with, it’s stolen valor. “You’re not personally from Germany, you aren’t German.” Then explain my genome. Or my surname.
I think us who live in the New World have a whole different understanding of diaspora.
Say you have German and Scottish ancestry. Omitting that part makes it sound like you’re saying you’re culturally German and Scottish.
I knew they’d come out of the woodwork to make my point for me.
Well, imagine you meet a guy travelling through the US. He’s wearing lederhosen, has a freaking feather in his hat, and speaks with a heavy German accent. You ask where he’s from, and he says he’s American/Italian, as his maternal grandfather was born in the US and his grandmother on his father’s side is Italian. However, this is his first time outside of Germany, and he speaks no Italian and hardly any English.
This is what Americans tend to look like to Europeans.
See what I mean? And I bet Herr Wernher von Bianchi would have way more interesting stories to tell than most genuine Germans.
Reminds me of Japanese drivers licenses, which don’t have a field for eye or hair color the way Western ones do. Not pertinent information in Japan where virtually everyone has black hair and brown eyes, it’s like having a field for tongue color. The answer for everyone is “What? Reddish pink I guess? Why?”
Now imagine you’re making a form for people to fill out about their background and personal history. Europeans apparently cannot imagine needing more than one line to answer the question “Where are you from?” because of how short and boring their own answers always are.
I was born in the UK but with a West Indian and an actual Indian grandparent on one side. Lived there my entire life up until relatively recently. There were still people who would consider me not British. When people either in the UK or where I live now ask where I’m from and I tell them I’m British, there are many people who say “but where are you really from?”
But it doesn’t mean anything if I say I’m Jamaican, or Indian, because one I’ve been to for some odd trips as a kid and the other I only transferred through an airport. Yeah my DNA shows that, but my entire life has basically minimal connection to either of those places and a continuous connection to Britain.
I got the accent and the passport, but I didn’t get the skin colour. So these people will always exist who want to make it seem like I’m not “really” British. But that is on them, not me. I am British, whether they like it or not.
This is really a long winded way of saying: there will always be some people who consider you not truly British. Fuck them. They are idiots that have at best shackled themselves to some outdated view of what it means to be “British” and at worst want to shutter the whole country off to anyone who doesn’t look or speak like them and pull us all back to the stone age.
I think if you speak to people you are close with about this they would consider you British. If you speak with Baz down at the Red Lion he’ll ask you for a pierogi and then fall asleep in his own vomit after a few too many pints of carling. I think Baz is much less important than all of the real people in your life and most of all, the way you view yourself.
I grew up in a small northern town. Most of the people in my family and that town are fairly racist, mainly because they haven’t encountered many people who aren’t white British. There’s a lot of closed mindedness in the UK sadly.
Whenever someone asks where you’re from, just get more specific with where you grew up. Never with where your parents or ancestors are from.
Country. County. Town. District. Block. Nearest intersection or landmark. Which room of the house was yours.
If they don’t get the picture or ask about your background, you could say “I thought you wanted to know about me, not my parents”.
That’s how I handled my high school year abroad. Because I literally came from Germany, I replied to that question with “I am from Germany”. Not “I am German”, but “from Germany”. I was born and raised there and only lived there. Only if it came up (e.g. because of my passport) or made sense in context, I mentioned that I am a Russian from Germany. So basically most people only found out about my genetics five months in. But of course that works much easier when you pass due to looks and accent.
This is genius
Where are you from? London. No. Where were you born? 6th Avenue.
I’m perhaps a bit biased because for me a country boils down to a government, and I’m from the new world (we tend to see immigrants differently - more like “newcomers” and less like “outsiders”), but I’d consider you British.
That doesn’t say much though. At the end of the day, “you’re British” or “you’re Polish” seem fairly minor to me, compared with “you’re human” and “you’re you”.
The bloody Red Coats or as we call them in German, “Inselaffen.” Tell them Rule Britannia sank long ago and the Polish 303 Squadron saved their asses during WW II. Keep your EU passport too, it’s an excellent insurance policy in case shit goes wrong.
It’s curious, I have a similar story but with different countries, and the reactions are VERY different. I was born in Argentina, but my family emigrated to Brazil when I was 13 years old. I speak fluent Portuguese but obviously have an accent that people can’t quite place, but once it’s pointed out they notice it. Yet the vast majority of my interactions about it are something similar to:
- Where are you from?
- I was born in Argentina, but lived in Brazil over 16 years
- Ah, so you’re mostly Brazilian then
And I think that that says a lot about Brazilians and how they’re very welcoming and friendly. Unfortunately the British don’t seem to be the same way, at least from your experience, maybe people in larger cities are more used to immigrants so they would see you as mostly British or something.
As for the voting, for me at least the only way was to become a citizen, most countries allow you to ask for citizenship if you’ve been living legally long enough so you probably qualify. Just bear in mind that some countries ask you to abandon your other citizenships when you do so, so not sure if that’s your case and if it’s worth it just to be able to vote.
You seem like a decent thoughtful person, and I would rather have you as a fellow Brit than the knobheads that throw conkers at you.
Defining a person by their nationality is pretty stupid when you consider that we are all on the same rock hurtling through the unfathomable depths of space. My grandad always had to know where a person was from in order to put them into a specific box in his mind. I always found it utterly disgusting and just weird. I guess there will always be people like that, but it’s learned behaviour. Kids don’t care where someone is from until they are told it’s important by an idiot adult.
I’m waffling now, but it genuinely doesn’t matter where you are from. One of the few things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we are a big melting pot of different cultures. We are enhanced by having British people with different heritages. I don’t know if you are planning on applying for British nationality, but I would be delighted if you did. I, and a huge majority of Brits would welcome you with open arms, while the bigots amongst us can fuck off and go and be miserable in their own nasty little corner.
You will be truly British once you register on feddit.ukIn seriousness, I like to think it’s a state of mind. If you find yourself generally aligning most with the more positive British attitudes, you’re British. Though living in Wales, you may end up feeling more Welsh eventually!
If you want to feel more connected, try getting involved with local festivities and traditions.
Explore the countryside with the Ramblers. Do some pub quizzes. Go to a folk festival.
The sorts of things that involve you with pleasant people.
