People and their kids like to come over unannounced, and without permission, to look at my ducks like it’s the fuckin zoo or some shit.
Need some humor for this situation to ease my frustration
depending on where you’re from you can hang up a sign saying “trespassing Children will be converted to Islam”
"Entry Fee (min one):
- Carrot
- Apple
- …"
That way you get duck (or human) food for free.
Get some thick over sized glasses that are that transparent brown colour on the rims, grow a thin but dirty moustache, only wear faded pastel tops and short stained shorts that are 1 or 2 sizes to small, ALWAYS show your belly, make sure to be overly friendly but never blink when making eye contact, sooner or later they’ll all leave your house alone.
Put up a sign that says, “Pursuant to ordinance 347-1236, a sexual predator resides here”
That makes it sounds like it’s legally mandated for there to be a sexual predator there. When the house gets sold, do the new owners now have to go and molest someone??
And to think usually the buyers are the ones getting fucked.
Put up a sign that says “WARNING: rabid ducks, enter property at own risk”
Alt text.
Free range Raptor zone. Humans beware
I would have to go with landmines. If that isn’t enough of a deterrent, and claymores or even some bouncing betties.
claymores
- Anything labeled “This end toward enemy” is dangerous at both ends.
Ask them if they want to get battletoads instead
You could make sure they see you taking a dump on the closet edge of your yard, build a fence like that and I think they’ll get the message
Tell your neighborhood you’re a sex offender?
Handwrite the URL of this post and put it through their letterbox
Play the sound of a loading shotgun through a speaker when they trespass
Give em the ole home alone treatment
You kids stay the DUCK off my lawn!!!
Trespassers will be trebucheted.
Walls, barbed wire, around the entire perimeter. Hire a pmc to patrol the grounds. If the kids are caught, extraordinary rendition them to a blacksite in an allied former Soviet state. If they escape before capture, send out operatives disguised as soccer/little league/gymnastics coaches until you locate and black bag them. Same fate as the initially captured. They’ll either get the memo or run out of kids
If they escape before capture, send out operatives disguised as soccer/little league/gymnastics coaches until you locate and black bag them.
