Hey y’all,
I’m a 19 year old psychology student in college (with the goal of becoming a therapist) and have been diagnosed last summer with autism (low support needs).
I think the fact that so many of my peers go to parties, drink and have fun, while it is too overstimulating for me, feels really bad. I can’t go to a party without earplugs, beer tastes awful to me (and coffee as well - way too intense for my taste), as soon as there’s blood in a movie I feel unconformable, and it just feels that everyone is able to do thing easily which for me are a real struggle.
I’m in a relationship, and my gf seems to be able to do all these things easier than me. Asides from the fact that she also has better grades than me, I just feel resentment and sadness that people around me seem to better than me in so many aspects. Of course we should focus on our strengths, and that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. But in the end I still feel resentment that people around me are just able to do so many more things than me, and that things considered normal in our society are a struggle, if not outright impossible, for autistic people.
So I’d love some input on how y’all cope with the reality of not being able to participate in social life to the same extent as other people.
Thanks!
Well my human, it sounds like you already know that your resentment and frustration is valid but not productive. There will be things you can’t do and it sucks. You seem to know that you cannot function in the “typical” social events listed above. Have you tried changing your approach so the activities are in an environment that you can control? If you can’t go to parties because they’re overstimulating, host a dinner party or game night with a smaller group of people. I wasn’t big on house parties either, but I was always able to find people willing to spend the afternoon hanging out in a kitchen with me while we were baking. One of my favorite Friday nights in college wasn’t spent at a bar, instead we all went to a climbing gym and then got pancakes at IHOP. Your social isn’t going to mirror those college movies, but that’s ok. You will find people willing to hang out, it’s just going to look a little different. :)
This is some very good advice. My eldest son is on the spectrum (also low needs now, but was moderate for a while), and he has found D&D groups to be just stimulating enough. Just as an example.
Tech can be your friend here. You can search for people with similar interests. For example, here in NL there’s an app for people who want to go on a walk (obviously, safety first of course). The point being use tech to help you discover stuff you like then find other people who are into the same thing.
You need to talk to a therapist about this. It’s a long road to overcome the inferior complex you’re describing. One witty answer from us isn’t gonna solve it. You’re gonna need repeated reminders that you’re worth just as much as anyone else and your strengths and weaknesses are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Also, you’re at college so this might be free. I went to a lot of therapy in college.
As for sympathizing, I understand and agree with your aversion to certain shows. Blood and guts make me a little uncomfortable. (I tried to watch Invincible. Nope.) Sitcom embarrassment is actually harder for me to watch that gore. Strange when you think about it. I wear earplugs to shows and movies and anything loud. (I wish I would have had them 20 years ago.)
I can speak as someone who thought they couldn’t do parties. Parties are incredibly intense, and can be the best or worst experience of your life depending on the smallest details. Eventually you will learn how to party best for you, what substances to take, what to wear, where to stand and what to do, which parties are just not going to work for you. Keep trying new things, but also if you’re not feeling it, take some time out or just leave.
I think the older you get, the more you realize that everyone has imposter syndrome and anxiety all the time, but you just have to fake it until you make it. If you pretend everything is fine, it usually turns out fine.
