I remember getting one from a fascist saying they wanted to “tie people like [me] up and drag their bodies from [their] truck”
Nope. Your opinion is not my identity.
My feelings? not that I remember. My faith in humanity though…
Plenty of comments hurt my brain trying to comprehend how utterly stupid they are, but I don’t think there’s anything an anonymous stranger could say that would hurt my feelings, that kinda stuff needs to be personal.
I think random strangers can sometimes hit on some personal stuff, which is kinda sad.
disappointed, maybe. How can you allow a comment to hurt you?
NEVER allow your happiness to be dependent of internet opinions mate! you will live a happy life.___
Or that of anyone else honestly.
Your bad behavior/lack of communication, etc isn’t going to ruin my day. Don’t let it, stop thinking about it, move on. It’s their issue not yours.
That’s easy for you to say, but you don’t have their experience and you don’t feel their emotions. I agree that we should strive for that, but expecting everyone to just brush off everything is unrealistic.
It a tough world out here mate, you best guard up! Or the world just might swallow you whole.
And don’t forget to be nice, cause sociopath is but a man in a process of changing :)
If a dumb driver almost side-swap you while merging into the highway, give him way; he must really need to take a shit.
How can you allow a comment to hurt you? Easy, by being human and having feelings. Comments can’t hurt if you’re an empty husk of a person who has no feelings; if you’re hypervigilant about bracing for attacks; or if you never take a risk of being vulnerable and never share anything important about yourself. None of these options is particularly healthy. Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave. The last option is at least reasonable online (but not in relationships), but not so easy in practice.
A common theme in the responses here is the element of surprise, comments and criticism that blindsided the person by hitting them in a vulnerable spot that they didn’t know that they were exposing.
That certainly comports with my experience in receiving hurtful comments.
Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave.
Guys… we’re talking about comments right? Cause I’m sensing deflection here.
What do you mean by deflection?
I don’t think it’s a choice for some of us.
Ok
Yes.
On a forum, I was complaining about a troll and his friend roasting something i made, they responded with a picture of a baby crying. Moderators did nothing. It ruined my week. I was like 16 at the time.
Damn, people are jerks.
Edit:
This is where I learn the thing they made was like a pride swastika.
Displays of extreme ignorance or stupidity hurt me on an existential level; so yes, a lot of internet comments hurt me.
You need to work on that.
Not from a person. When I was younger I took an online personality test. Nothing from a reputable source, just some random pop psychology thing. The result was short and had a few things on it, but one line hit me like a ton of bricks: “You don’t like people who aren’t as smart as you.”
I was incredulous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably true at some level. I was pretty horrified by this realization, and I ended up thinking about it a lot and doing a ton of introspection. I knew I was smart, but I started acknowledging that there were also a ton of things I was terrible at. Whenever I had intrusive thoughts about a person I thought wasn’t very smart, I tried to think about things they were good at or at least acknowledge privileges I had that they didn’t.
We are a product of our experiences, and different people have different skills and aptitudes for things. All of that is ok and doesn’t make someone better than anyone else. I’m not perfect at it, but I found some value in confronting uncomfortable truths about myself.
Knowledge might not be intelligence but I really found xkcd’s 10000 a wonderful be idea.
I’ve performed and conducted more interviews than I can count. I was once asked a question that stopped me cold. “You’re clearly an intelligent person. How do you manage stupid people?” My mind reeled. At first I thought he was being insulting, but then realized he’s not identifying anyone in particular, just assessing my ability to lead people who are stupid. It’s still to date the toughest interview question I’ve been asked.
How did you answer?
After some uncertain smiles and stumbles, I said with patience, high support, and high direction. It was awkward, and not without some rambling.
Since then I’ve realized when I’m having difficulty conveying a complex idea to someone who may not understand, I tend to break the idea down into smaller components. I also often use analogies to help connect a concept to one the listener already understands.
I’ve thought about answering that question again on many occasions. I’m just glad it was a mock interview. lol
The truly hard part is detecting when the person you’re talking to doesn’t understand. Too many people pretend they understand when they don’t and are too embarrassed to ask questions.
Verify understanding with qualifying questions. Ask them to put it into their own words with questions like, “how would you describe it?”
Deeply? No, but you try and be funny or helpful and sometimes it offends someone because they read it a certain way (text can be ambiguous) and that can ruin a day for me. No good reason, mind you, but they can get really mean about it and what, do I apologize or fight? You didn’t exactly want to clarify for a jackass coming after you for no reason.
I’m also not highly fond of people when they correct you on stuff when it’s not really warranted. Lemmy does that a lot; you can’t always write a 20pg paper about a random comment to address every little facit of what you said, haha.
Yeah I just leave those comments and walk away. Explaining or editing a comment no-one is ever going to read is not worth the time. Nothing good can come from it.
You win some you lose some.
Comment on something new.
A person who I used to look up to tried grooming me. Needless to say they underestimated both my age AND my intelligence.
I posted a picture of myself on reddit asking for hair advice. My head was turned somewhat to the side so my nose was in profile. Someone felt the need to tell me I had the ugliest nose they had ever seen. I never really noticed the shape before that, but now in my mind’s eye it’s huge, crooked and has a hook.
A decade later I was getting a septoplasty to repair damage from an assault, and I asked the surgeon if he could remove the hook in my nose. He looked at me with the most compassion anyone ever has, and asked me to point out the hook in the mirror. It was the first time in all those years I finally saw my real nose. It’s actually pretty cute, I don’t know what that commentor was smoking
Hurt people hurt people
Not really, my skin is pretty thick. But I made a comment once that fucked someone up real good. I think about it every time I start to go “too far” and I reel it back in, because I never want to be that person again.
Are you the person that commented “I also choose this guy’s dead wife”?
That was a fabulous comment though
You can’t just not give us context
Fine. Try not to judge.
Someone was having a very bad day and took it out on me with unprovoked anger on Reddit (of course). Their comments were very pointed, unnecessary, and all around inappropriate for the work related sub we were in. I took the bait, and it got a lot worse. Any attempt to reason with them (my first mistake) just made it worse.
So, I found out who they were and where they worked based on their username. Called the office (with no plan, like what was I going to accomplish? Dumb.) But, I found out he was just fired the prior week. With surprisingly little effort, I was able to squeeze the dirty details out of the receptionist. It was bad—and it was the dirt I needed. I took that information and formed a comment that would shut their shit down for good…
What ended up happening was they responded negatively—as anyone would. But, there was weakness in it. I won. But I wasn’t satisfied. “They sucker punched me. I am the victim!” I convinced myself.
So, high on anger and craving the last blow, I dug through their comment history like a rabid animal, but instead of dirt, I found their life story. They were having a lot of mental issues dealing with anger. They were mid-divorce. They were having anxiety about finding employment. They were up to their eyeballs in debt. Etc…
Fuck, what have I done?!
Never again.
Yeah, I tried and I failed. I applaud that you can look back at that and change your behavior online, but past you is getting judged hard rn, lol
Well I tried and failed to find any other reason for your comment beyond plain spite. Maybe instead of trying to put others down you take a hard look at yourself, because you’re coming across as a complete piece of shit.
You tried not to go too far, failed, and continue to go too far—knowing you’re going too far?
I mean, judge me all you want hypocrite 😉
Your wording makes me believe my comment came across as much more serious as intended.
Also, assuming you really did take that experience to heart I am not criticising you. I am criticising the actions of someone with less life experience, who no longer exists (they have been replaced with the smart you).
I can’t change how you read things.
There were too many for me to count.
Most of then were misgendering me. Let me say this one more time. I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL. I’ve never been a girl. I’m not even a transgender woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I identify as male.
Now that I think about it, I should change my legal name.
Girl gotta do what a girls gotta do
I meant the fact that my real name “Imrane” (a male name) looks too similar to “Imane” (a female name). Just the absence of the letter R makes people think I’m something else entirely.
And I used to use my real name on social media until about a year ago. I guess that was kind of on me.
I have a girls name and my last name is a very popular Asian female name too.
My entire life I get misgendered on phone, email, chat. It’s not a big deal. Hell, it can be an advantage - I’ve gotten more than one job interview because they expect a woman.
Well, that’s one way to look at it.
Time to be tran- oh wait, it’s illegal to be transgender in my country. This is why I hate being Moroccan.
I think your name is cool
Oh man, I think it’s the ‘e’ at the end of your name, which in a bunch of Romance languages would make it feminine. If it’s any consolation, solid men’s English names like ‘Lindsay’ and ‘Ashley’ are almost exclusively women’s names now for the same reason. (The “-y” or “-ie” marks a cutesy diminutive version, i.e. “bird” to “birdy”.)
I don’t think it’s the similarity to “Imane” (unless this is happening in your home culture) because I have never heard of that name before. However, I have seen “Imran” and I would have assumed that “Imrane” was the feminine version because of that ‘e’.
Wasn’t Imran Khan a famous cricketer?
Nope, that is not the case at all. A lot of Arabic names tend to be written with an E at the end in countries that experienced colonialism from the French, just to match French phonetics. I happened to be taught to spell my name this way.
So it’s Francophones, not Anglophones misgendering you?
Nah,
I grew up in the world of BBS’s and IRC. First foray into a chat channel started with someone renaming themselves “34yrDude changes name to 15yrChick”
…and that set the tone for me what the internet is.
It’s a entire world where you make absolutely zero assumptions. The ‘things’ responding in text could be anything. And I say thing instead of people because these days it may not even a person.
There’s an entity that responds to my comments, and perhaps seemingly hurtful,
it could be some 10yr old kid who doesn’t fully understand, it could be could be some mentally challenged person, it could be someone’s crazy grandma,
and now it could be some bot that while not purposefully built to be malicious, through emergent behavior is trolling and insulting people because it gets a rise out of people that results in more and longer comments, which tickles its feedback loop to do more of the same.
So nah, there’s nothing anyone in the vast internet could type out that I would personally hurt my feelings, because I make no assumptions as to where the comment is coming from, and those comments don’t have a lot of weight to me.
this sums it up for me. Along with the fact you never see those guys talking to themselves at 7/11 but go check out whos using the computers all day in the library sometime.
Probably not what you mean but blatant misogyny, hatred, or animal or human abuse, I find those painful to read
