I once met this girl who let me touch her boobs and do other fun stuff. In order to make that more convenient, we rented an apartment together. Which meant I needed a job to pay rent. Eventually we wanted a nicer place, so we bought a townhouse, which meant I needed to make more money and get a better job. Then we wanted kids, which meant a bigger house, car, etc etc. So needed a promotion to keep up with growing bills and spending.

Now I’m in my 40s, have a bunch of kids, work too much. And all I wanted was to touch some boobs and stuff.

A coworker once said I sounded a little flat on Teams, so I bought a USB Audio Interface, boom arm, shock mount, shotgun mic. Couldn’t stop there, of course. Bought two studio monitors, foam pads for the speakers, and audio foam for my bare walls. A little over board, but now my coworker can hear me apply chapstick like I’m two inches from their ears.