According to my camp counselor, going all in during a game of poker where I knew everyone else at the table were dumbasses who were going to all take the bait for the lulz

It was because it was supposed to be a group bonding activity and my play ended the game when there was still a half hour in the schedule XD

Literally just kicked out a friend who’s been staying at my house for months. I don’t like it, but he has his own house with a housing voucher and will try to bullshit his way through anything. The dude’s been camping my house smoking weed all day every day enjoying my house more than I get to and keeping the kitchen trashed.

I don’t think it’s my responsibility to save him from the hole he’s dug one shovel full per day while expecting us to deal with it.

Older brother used to be stronger than me and always beat me in fights. One time when we were both playing with crafts (cutting paper and gluing stuff) I took the scissors and cut up his hands. Skin sliced like paper. He was bleeding everywhere and my parents were a mix of shock and yelling at me about what made me do that.

I felt kinda bad tbh, but I maintained a straight face and tried to justify it.

In 7th grade science class, I convinced a classmate the substance we were about to test was cocoa and he should taste it. It was dirt.

Playing in the yard when I was little, I had sharpened a stick to a point. I saw my little brother running across the yard. In my head, I imagined throwing the “spear” through his legs and tripping him. That would have been enough of a dick move. Instead, I skewered him directly in the ankle. He had to get stitches.

I got detention off of a teacher for saying “Hitler the Shitler” or “Hitler is a Shitler” or something suchlike during a lesson, even though several other kids had already said it and didn’t get in trouble.

Technically, the detention was for swearing, though I chose to interpret it as “Miss Teacher loves Hitler and he is her boyfriend”.

I instigated a petty campaign of cartoons, blackboard messages, textbook graffiti and just general rumours that this poor teacher was genuinely a Hitler-loving-Nazi, and had a Hitler shrine in her house. As I was generally honest, well behaved etc, it was readily believed and spread quickly.

As she was relatively unpopular as a teacher, many of the other students joined in, goosestepping past her in the corridor, nazi saluting behind her back etc.

After a few weeks, upon entering the classroom to find a full blackboard chalk cartoon of her and Hitler getting married, she started crying and shouted at us and we all felt awful.

I apologised to her after the lesson, and she actually apologised for unfairly singling me out for punishment “to set an example” and oddly, we actually got on pretty well after that, and the Hitler jokes faded out naturally.

This one is a bit hard to admit but I was the other person in an affair with a coworker of mine when I worked in food service. I’m recently single and we’ve been hanging out more again, but shes in a different relationship now. It seems like it may or may not be going in that direction again and while I acknowledge how shitty and scummy it is, I’m not going to lie and say I wouldn’t like to sleep with her again. im still being respectful and not trying to impose, but i don’t know that ill turn down the opportunity if it presents itself.

When I was in middle school, like a lot of us I was an idiot who had no social skills and no skill in emotional self-regulation.

One day, between classes as I walked from one classroom building to the next, I had a sucker in my hand. I don’t remember what kind (this was in the early 90s) but it was big, sweet, and on a stick.

A classmate (black) came up behind me (white), smacked the sucker out of my hand onto the ground, and laughed as he jogged onto the next building. I shouted “you fucking n-word!” at him except I used the actual hard r slur and not the circumlocution.

Neither of us got in any trouble that I can remember. No teachers, staff, or snitches were nearby.

Middle aged me has a much larger and more creative vocabulary and would have never needed to stoop so low as to use racial slurs. Also, middle aged me wouldn’t eat suckers any more because of health concerns. I’m assuming the classmate involved has similarly grown and matured and no longer smacks candy out of peoples hands for fun.

In high school, I was oblivious that one of my coworkers had a crush on me. They went to a different high school and invited me to their prom. I was surprised and said yes without thinking, then proceeded to ghost them until they gave up.

I gotta remember to add joke shop blood to my edc just in case a situation like that comes up, I guess.

I made fake adoption papers on my parent’s Apple IIc, printed them, then “weathered” the paper by burning the edges and yellowing them with a Pepsi bath.

I then tried to convince my little sister that we were not related. She was 6, believed that’s what 6 year old papers looked like, and cried a lot.

I was a shitty kid.

A long time ago, I worked in a computer repair shop. An old lady brought in her desktop for malware removal. It was a nicely spec’d machine, and included an Intel Core 2 Quad Q6700.

At the time, I had a Core 2 Duo E6600, I was on a tight budget, and was big into gaming.

“She’ll be fine.” “She doesn’t even know what’s in there now.” “She’s not using it to its full potential…”

I convinced myself it was a victimless crime.

I swapped the processors. :(

Convinced several people in high school that mixing mineral turpentine into their drinks was a good idea.

I was doing it too but still seems pretty messed up to take others down with me.

I have a million of these because for most of my young life I was a real piece of garbo. I’ve already talked on here once about my ghostbusters thing so I won’t go into that again because it’s in my post history but here are a few choice examples:

Had my lab partner completely convinced marshmallows were a special kind of sap harvested from exotic trees.

Many grievances against my sisters including: Convincing them that milk containers at dairy processing plants contained cows stacked vertically (complete with sound effects while we drove past) for many years, ghost living in the attic (me), and that my father had another family

Developed software for the express purpose of cheating in Runescape and then sold both the software and the rewards won by the software. Not my best moment but not quite as bad as

Bought herbal smoke alternatives off the internet and fumed them with liquor and wormwood and sold it to my high school aged peers as weed.

Convinced my grade 1 friend that the Elbow River in Calgary was named because it was so corrosive, a boys’ elbow dissolved when he tripped and fell in. “It’s also known as ‘The Dissolving River’”