Background+rant: I’m in my early to mid-20s and still living at home with my dad. I’m not a NEET and am employed at a normal office job. I enjoy the comfort of my home. I like being with family (and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer). I like not having to pay rent. However, I also keep feeling some nagging pressure to “grow up and leave the nest”.
Everything in my mind tells me that moving out is irrational. I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent, go through a bunch of logistical hoops to find a new place, lose the last few moments I have with my family, just so I can prove to nobody that I’m independent, maybe discover new things, and also probably get in on some of that loneliness action that the rest of my generation is going through.
Yet, the pressure is still there. No one looks down on me for it, but I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I’m living at home, like I’m admitting failure or incompetency. My friends will occasionally ask when I’m planning on moving out and the question just lingers longer than it should in my head. I compare myself to my parents and grandparents and can’t help but feeling like a child compared to the people they were when they were at my age.
Obviously quite conflicted on this, so I’m interested in seeing what others have to say.
This changes a lot from place to place. So take into account that what I’m going to say comes from someone in Latin America.
I think that “moving out” boils down to three questions:
- Do you fight often with your parents?
- Are you being leeched, or a leech yourself?
- Does it prevent you from doing what you want to do?
If the answer for all those three things is a clear “no”, then there’s no reason to move out.
Freedom is not a theoretical matter, but a practical one; it’s not being prevented from doing what you want. In certain cases you might be less free by moving out.
I moved out of my parents place for good just before I hit 25. I left because I moved to a bigger city with more job opportunities.
I was too horribly depressed at the time for this to be a factor, but it might be easier convincing someone to come back to your place for sex if you’re living on your own compared to being with your parents.
If you move out, how much per month will you spend on rent, renters insurance (which most apartments will require), utilities, internet, etc? What percent of your take home pay would that be? If it’s too high, how does it change if you include a roommate or a less expensive place? If you move, will that make it easier or harder for you to take public transit to work?
Do you do your own laundry?
We do all the rounds together since it’s easier. My dad does handle most things which I guess may contribute to some of my independence worrying…
I moved out when I was 18, so cant give you lived experience. But in my opinion I don’t think there’s an age you need to move out, but there’s definitely an age where I think you need to be equally contributing. Financially I think it’s important to contribute to utility cost. If your dad rents I think it’s only fair you pay your fair share there too. If he owns then potentially a smaller monetary value as hell retain the asset. Domestically I think it’s important you not only contribute, but also lead some domestic chores.
It’s reasonable to expect your dad to do the lion’s share when you were growing up, now your an adult I think it’s only fair to lift some of that burden from him.
I agree with this. Any time you live with someone, domestic burdens need to be shared as much as possible. This isn’t always 50/50 because of hours worked/ability etc. However so long as everyone involved thinks it’s fair then it should work. My parents were very happy to house and feed us when we were in full time education, because that’s what they wanted us to focus on. When we got jobs they started charging rent.
Just asking, what did you do to move out at 18? Like, what job did you get to gather enough money? I guess you were still in school at that time which complicates things.
I moved to England a week after I finished my last exam. I stayed with my brother for a few months then moved to an apartment above my work. I was making £4.50 an hour and working huge hours. I ate once a day which was rice with a can of soup mixed in. I wasn’t living the high life, but it was good times.
Edit: I lived a very tight life for a long time . I’ve since gone and studied then progressed quite well in my career. I live in the regions now, and rent is around $900 USD a month which is fairly achievable in our area
My biggest concern with someone who doesn’t get a stage of living alone/with roommates you’re not dating is their ability to cook/clean well. If I were you, I’d make sure I was capable of doing all the jobs and taking over at least enough to pull my own weight, though if your parents don’t want financial compensation, extra chores would be nice
I don’t think there is truly such a thing as too old. I would still live at home if I could I think, I like having people I care about around. That being said, it’s more a question of if it works for your family and you. If they are cool with it and you are in a position where you’re comfortable I don’t see an issue. maybe talk to them about it.
I don’t think it’s bad. It’s only bad if you want to leave and can’t.
Let’s say I was a huge successful billionaire: I’d still live with my parents because I’d just get a single big house my whole family could live in together. Though it could be worded as they live with me and not that I live with them; technically both would be accurate.
I only feel like a failure because I want to be independent but it’s too expensive to live on my own. Rather live together with family than total strangers.
If you’re living a home and not paying rent you better be saving up for a down payment on a house.
But to answer your question, I moved out when I was 25 and I felt that was a little old to still be at home. But it will depend a lot on individual circumstances.
I’ve known people who got married while living in their parents home. They stayed and raised kids. And took care of their parents in those shitty end years. They don’t believe they did the wrong thing. I moved out at 17 and did not move back for decades until now that my elderly mother needs help. It’s been nice, and I think that I missed a lot just being away from family for so long. I also know that I was an asshole back then and if I had stayed it wouldn’t have been good at all.
If you’re cool with it, and your parents are cool with it, what’s the problem? Especially these days with the ridiculous rental rates. It just makes no sense.
Stay. Talk to your dad about this, but if he wants you around, and you’re happy there, then you should definitely stay.
I say this as a parent. If you have a good relationship, and everyone likes the situation, then treasure it. Enjoy the time you have together.
And save the cash. If your folks want, make sure to cover some expenses and help out.
Mid to late 50s
My partner was like this till his 30s, and I was a bit jealous having been kicked out at 18. He was able to buy a house( with an admittedly amazing APR) with the money he was able to put away with this method. While he didn’t pay rent he helped around the house, and was a near-guaranteed dog sitter. I think that as long as the situation works for everyone it’s a great leg up. If someone has a judge-y attitude towards it they’re probably jealous haha.
Your parents (likely) had better opportunities to get that house than you do now. Give yourself some grace, just make sure you’re helping out where you can :)
I love my parents. And living with them for as long as I have is the reason I paid off my student loans within a few years. That and community college.
You know you have overstayed your welcome when your 70 year old mom gets the police to throw you and your lazy ass brother out, while complaining that she had to do all the chores, cooking and pay all the bills (This happened to some Italian men not long ago).
Just make sure you move out many years before that, and help your dear old mother.
If you get on well with your parents and aren’t planning to start a family of your own any time soon, I see zero downside.
Currently 24 ans also living it home.
My cousin stayed until 30 and waa able to buy a house I bit outside the bigger cities with a mortgage.I’d say do move out as soon as youcan afford something you actually want to.
Funny sidemark:
Just reach the >40 year range and say you moved back in to support your fam around the property ;)That’s entirely down to the individual situation. Just because it’s not for me doesn’t mean it’s bad.
