make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don’t like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
I want to say this with love:
This is narcissistic behavior. Everyone else is also a person. It’s natural to over-do it when you make a change, being gendered correctly is a big boost. People are gonna call you what they consider to be gender neutral shit and you’re gonna have to get used to it or get used to being alone.
As an old person, it’s occurred to me that young people think we dislike something specific about you. Like, sweetie you think this is the first time I’ve seen a man in a skirt (this particular person identifies as a man for the purpose of this comment), or someone with green hair? You’re fucking being annoying in public that’s why we’re mad. None of my business who you fuck I’m trying to eat lunch and you’re singing a song about rimjobs.
What kind of progress are you making towards equality by turning off people with this shit?
If you confuse policing language with activism or outreach you really have misaligned priorities.
You make some decent points. But I think the problem with this post and basically all of the comments is overgeneralization.
Like, right you shouldn’t sing about rimjobs in Denny’s at 10:30am (since you said you’re an old person, I assume this is where and when you have lunch).
The image in this post starts with “but I call everyone dude” which can reasonably be interpreted as a response to someone objecting to being called “dude”. If you insist on calling someone something that they’ve told you they don’t like, then you’re an asshole.
Then the text of this post strays off from that a bit. You don’t need to prejudge people and ask them certain questions based on what those people usually prefer. Go about your life, be excellent to each other, and when someone shares something about themselves with you be considerate about it.
There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.
I agree and the Denny’s thing was hilarious.
I’m not quite that old yet. I do eat lunch at 10:30 though because I’m not organized enough to wake up in time to make breakfast before work.
I would never call someone something they don’t want to be called on purpose. I also wouldn’t get to know them well enough to make that mistake if they made a public fuss out of it the first time I met them.
Like you said, being kind is key. Thanks for the laugh.
“I would never call someone something they don’t want to be called on purpose.” then what in the fuck is even your point here? Why be an asshole to people whose feelings you’d supposedly respect? And fr what the hell is up with your tangent about us singing about rimjobs in Dennys? You sound like a conservative transphobe, if you’re not I’d suggest you stop doing your best impression of one
They probably mean this exact reaction where instead of being reasonable and explaining you don’t like being called that you launch into an immediate tirade.
This isn’t at all the situation you’re describing. It would be unreasonable to freak out on someone for calling everyone dude. I’m freaking out bc this post is full of people who would choose to call people dude even after being asked not to
A lot of the posts specifically say the opposite. “If they asked me to, I would stop”, but there’s also a lot of folks who seem to be blanket upset that anyone would use the word at all without asking first, which is not reasonable.
"there’s also a lot of folks who seem to be blanket upset that anyone would use the word at all without asking first, which is not reasonable. " source?
Not wanting to be called something that induces dysphoria isn’t narcissistic you absolute fucking boomer, fuck off back to the stone age and quit being a transphobic cunt. Literally talking about us like we’re men in skirts looking to be offended bc we don’t wanna be called traditionally masculine things, go fuck yourself
Dude is offensive but cunt is okay. I see what world you live in. Lol.
I don’t tend to call people cunts unless they make it clear they are cunts who refuse to show people basic respect like not calling them names they don’t like
Damn dawg, that’s pretty harsh and pretty inaccurate. You have a lot of anger and I don’t know your situation but maybe you have a good reason for it. Hope your life gets better and you don’t cringe about how off putting you were in the future. Best of luck.
Being a shit ass transphobic boomer immediately followed by concern trolling, you’re really something aren’t you
I don’t like being called boomer.
I like being called dude less and yet look at you go
Mustard’s point was that they didn’t want someone blowing up on them because they used the wrong word.
I doubt they have any problem with using a person’s requested pronouns, just that it’s possible to make mistakes and they’d rather be politely corrected.
And yet they never once called you dude. You were just so happy and excited to shit on someone, that you failed to have any compassion and understand what they were actually saying.
I get what they’re saying, they’re one of those fuckers who thinks that trans people are just narcissistic snowflakes who love singing about rimjobs in public and looking for reasons to get offended. I refuse to show compassion towards people who misrepresent me and my people and tell us to be quiet and compliant for their sake.
I know they didn’t call me specifically dude, and I don’t care. They would if I were their friend and asked them not to, that’s the whole fucking issue here. Just don’t call people shit they don’t want to be called, it’s a matter of basic fucking respect and trans people deserve that just like anyone else
I hope you figure out how to not be a piece of shit to trans people, or barring that just learn how to shut your mouth around us. Not all of us want to be called dude, respect that or gtfo
Two replies!
I agree, it’s nice to ask somebody about their boundaries, and it can really make them feel more comfortable.
However, I do consider it the other person’s responsibility to establish the boundaries and uphold them; if I call them something they dislike, I’d hope they’d feel comfortable enough to tell me (in a kind way). That’s the kind of friendship I’d want anyways. And if I purposefully ignore that request or argue it, I think it’s very fair for that person to be more stern in communicating their boundary. In this case, “I don’t care that you use it as gender-neutral, I don’t want to be called ‘dude’.”
Good friends/people would respect your wishes, though. It’s your identity, at the end of the day.
You got it dude.
the thing to remember is that even if the person you call “dude” or w/e doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt them. :)
Good to know. I’ll start improving my mindreading skills then.
i mean just be considerate and keep the informalities to people you have a friendly relationship with and who you know it’s ok :) saying hi how are you is fine :)
Or just ask instead of acting like a little bitch about it :3
I don’t prefer to be called “a little bitch”. My preferred term is dude.
Why is the onus on everyone else? Generally speaking, I believe that if something is making someone upset/hurt, it’s on them to let the other person know that. Without deep, intimate knowledge of the other person (and honestly, even with that level of relationship), it’s hard to know when something that is ok to you is completely offensive to the other person.
And just for emphasis, this is my belief in general - not just in the context of misgendering trans peeps. I feel like it’s not fair to stay mad at someone for crossing a line they didn’t even know existed. I’ve applied this mentality to my marriage, and it’s honestly done wonders for improving my relationship with my husband and has opened up so much room for honest communication and building respect/trust in each other.
There’s nothing wrong with genuinely using dude in a non gendered way, it’s nice and considerate to ask transfem people about it (a lot of us won’t speak up about small stuff like that, it’s not worth the trouble correcting that kind of stuff a lot of the time) but yea it wouldn’t be reasonable to get mad at that kind of stuff immediately. I was giving the other guy shit for being a sarcastic asshole about it, but yea it’s just a nice thing to do, not necessary but definitely nice if you know someone is transfem
Ok, then I should ask if what I said was ok everytime I speak? I think you need to work on you communication skills, dude.
No, it’s just a good idea to ask if a transfem person likes being called dude or not.
Not a dude, don’t call me that
That sounds incredibly tedious. If someone says something that annoys you, tell them. You’re not the worlds’ main character and people shouldn’t have to tiptoe around you.
I’m literally just telling you something that’s nice to do, quit acting like giving someone advice = evil woke liberal cancel culture you absolute dingus
But there are so many different types of people in the world. How is someone expected to know that something is specifically offensive to one person, unless that person tells them?
I habitually refer to everyone as “dude”, but I certainly would stop calling someone “dude” if they asked me to stop. I know a lot of people feel the same way that I do, so please let it be known if you’re uncomfortable with certain terms. Sure, there are people that are going to be total assholes about it, but I’d say that’s a great indicator to steer clear of that person.
There are two sides to this.
One side is the speaker, who is responsible for not saying something hurtful. This is obviously flexible depending on history with the listener, the listeners stated preferences, and the context of the speech. (For example, my youngest and I routinely greet each other extremely harshly, and to an outside listener it would sound like abusive language. But to us it’s just friendly banter.)
The other side is the… listener? I don’t know how to refer to this side tbh. Anyway, they have a responsibility to tell the other person when something hurtful has been said. Because the speaker has no real way to know hurt has been caused unless they are told.
So if the speaker calls the listener dude, and the listener never says “hey I don’t really like being called dude” that’s on the listener. But if the hearer does state that, and the listener continues to call them dude, that’s on the speaker.
That got weirdly complex in my brain at the end for some reason so I hope I made sense.
100% agree with this, shouldn’t even need to be said!
However, I would posit that we need an inclusive equivalent for everyone, as the ethos of “dude/dudette” is, in my opinion, well worth keeping - some people simply are THAT cool!
I’m nowhere near smart enough to come up with new words (barely smart enough to use the ones we have…), but I’d totally want to have that sentiment preserved.
Dude is a gender neutral word though.
Per the sacred texts: I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes now.
woah! that’s interesting, but I sure dont care!
Same but with you
Multiple sources, including Merriam-Webster, Cambridge and Oxford state that “dude” is a masculine noun, synonymous with man, guy, etc., so I disagree with this. As an exclamation, sure, as it’s not referring to anyone in particular, so it can be taken as an impersonal interjection.
According to the only authoritative source on the word, we’re all dudes.
Idk if you feel the need to gender the word that’s on you, but I gotta ask why you want to.
Well, judging by the myriad dictionaries out there, this word has been gendered well before this subject’s been broached.
Language changes.
If you’re younger than 40 you grew up in a world where dude was a gender neutral term.
But you do you and gender it and keep maintaining arbitrary genders for words that don’t need them.
Weird hill to die on, this, where you’d rather defend words than people.
How you feel about “mate”, mate?
“Mate”'s nice, mate, but… I dunno, feels like it doesn’t fully capture that… pizzazz that “dude” and “dudette” have.
not op, but I like “mate”, mate!
Mate is literally a cultural equivalent to “dude”
a mate or to mate?
Mate you!
Checkmate. Or Czechmate for the Europeans.
I can’t hear “dudette” without thinking of that cringe gamer cleaning video. The word is genuinely ruined for me.
I am unaware of that video, blissfully so according to your observation!:))
sis, girly, girlll are good
Oh, I just use “sibling” or “sib” for that level of familiarity, easier that way:))
As nongendered speech?
I don’t know any non gendered onnes other than comrade, maybe pirate or captain 😂
Dude.
That is the gender neutral term.
Technically I think it actually means an elephants ass hair so it is also both a greeting and an insult and no one will ever know which you mean.
You don’t want to be called dude but you assume people you don’t know will be fine being greeted with comrade?!
From asking I found out guy is male, guys is seen as neutral by most
If I’m being formal, sure. But, man, I’m still gonna say man and dude a lot, dude.
This place really is turning into Reddit 2.0
lemmy is modeled after reddit, silly :p
That is indeed interesting, but I sure don’t care about your outdated overzealous opinion on “dude”. It’s gender neutral now, in case you haven’t noticed.
Not everyone agrees, in case you haven’t noticed. Just don’t be an asshole when someone says they don’t wanna be called that, it’s really not hard at all
While you should respect a direct request to refer to someone in a certain way, I don’t think it’s appropriate to change the standards of language based on what a tiny fraction of people are offended by.
Nobody’s doing that, stop making shit up to get mad about
If someone told me so, I’d respect that.
What I won’t respect is someone who think they know better than anyone about the world telling me what to assume.
Where is anyone doing that? You’re just making shit up to get mad about at this point
Damn dude what a take lol
I tend to only call guys dude, unless it’s more of a “dude what is going on” where “dude” isn’t actually referencing anyone in particular.
That said, I do say “guys” a lot for an all inclusive grouping.
Thought… I’m not really going to ask random people what they want me to refer to them as, and I’m also not going to start assuming I know who is trans/non binary. I don’t really want people asking me, either. Take a guess, if you guess wrong I’ll let you know. And I’d hope for the same from others.
The only time I’d really take offense is the second time, since that shows a clear disregard for my preferences. Well, disregard or malice.
I’m trans and have spent many years in trans spaces and this is the first I’ve heard of “dude” being problematic. Maybe it’s a regional dialect thing? I did once have a colleague ask me to stop referring to our group as “guys,” tho, I switched it to “team” instead.
I’ve seen it online more recently, but I do think it’s something most people don’t care about. So for now it seems like the best way to handle it is to just do what you normally do, and if someone says they don’t like it, don’t use it for them.
Until then, as a wise man once said, “I’m a dude. He’s a dude. She’s a dude. We’re all dudes. Hey.”
I’ve got trans and enby friends who don’t like being called ‘dude’ because they have gendered connotations associated with the word.
I’m in the PNW for reference.
But seriously, no offense meant at all. As someone who grew up “in the time period” in southern California the term “dude” is inescapable, regardless of gender. Trying to remove that from my vocabulary would be akin to removing “whoa” or “wow”… (I have zero issues with pronoun preferences)
I too have had words I majorly disliked… So I get it. Some of them I’ve grown away from and they don’t matter. Some still do. Like tummy… Ugh tummy is such a difficult word for me.
Also, in case the image reference is missed, please give The Big Lebowski a view. It’s not necessarily for everyone but it’s such a gem.
Shoutout !achievers@lebowski.social
Nice. Joined
In my experience it really matters how it’s used. If you call someone a dude (that dude over there) it’s generally seen as gendered. If you use it like ‘dude that’s so rad’, it’s not gendered and is more of a soft expletive.
However, it still causes dysphoria for some folks, so when I’m unsure I’ll ask and then respect their preference.
Florida for me, but same. The women refer to other women as dude.
Ah it was so unbelievably difficult to try to remove from my language too. I was playing a game with a mtf, I asked tbh and she said she didn’t mind. However I tried to stop doing it anyway. I failed misurably tbh. That being said I had no problem saying she so… I think it’s the case of being in a strategic scenario and not knowing who I’m talking to.
Honestly i wouldn’t want to talk to anyone who considers being called “dude” or “guy” as misgendering. Its just the way I talk, and I talk this way with cis women too. I’m not going to address a trans woman any differently than I’d address a cis woman.
And if someone you respect asked you not to call them that? Would you disregard the wishes of your friends or family because that’s just the way you talk to everyone?
I just would not be able to be close with that person. If I need to concoct an entirely different personality for someone then they will obviously never really know me.
My dude, dude is used as a gender neutral term
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
Dude can definitely be gendered. If I said I saw a couple dudes walking down the street, would you not think I meant two men
That said, dude as an exclamation, imo, is ungendered. It’s almost like saying woah for me.
If someone really got offended by that from me, I would probably just not talk to them anymore.
But I think the OP is talking about when someone says something like sup dude.
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
Girl, are you sure?
It would be more like calling someone a chick, if being used in that context.
Probably more like calling someone “queen” imo. “Chick” is usually objectifying, “queen” is not.
Queen is, for me, definitely positive, where dude is neutral.
So, I throw “gal” in the ring - I’d be cool being called gal as a binding word.
