What as a English man should I look out for on a trip to the USA.
The Queen is still alive and we have her. Just don’t tell anyone, okay?
If you want to avoid getting shot, you should now wear a red hat, not a red coat.
when you stub your toe you get heroin
Buy a gun on day one. Just go to almost any gun show and bam, no paperwork. You’ll need a gun because there is this nationwide gang, they are crazy organized, drive the same cars, all rep the color blue and collectively hate immigrants, not you, the poor ones. Anyway I believe they go police officer or cops, steer clear at all costs, but if you have to, take out your ghetto blaster and pump em full of lead.
You’ll die a hero and recognized for decades to come, or the cops will bury you in a shallow grave somewhere in Mississippi and act like you were kidnapped, no in between, good luck soilder
Bring a printed copy of your ESTA / visa for immigration. Get some kind of travel insurance that covers health emergencies, and have proof of that printed as well.
This could vary depending on the situation, but as someone who works in healthcare in the US (pray for me), it doesn’t really matter if you’ve got proof of traveler’s insurance, unless I’m able to bill them directly and get a paid claim for it. In every case I’ve dealt with traveler’s insurance (admittedly not a ton, but these things are usually handled similarly across the industry), I’ve been instructed by the insuring company to bill the patient/ client, and that the client will be submitting a claim.
If it’s something relatively inexpensive like medication, you’ll probably be charged at the pharmacy, pay out of pocket and get reimbursed.
If, God forbid, you need to stay at a hospital, or dare to mention the word “ambulance”, you’ll be given a bill for $1 million, which you’ll forward to the insurance company. They’ll handle paying the hospital, then follow up with you on any kind of copay you’re meant to be left with.
Don’t forget your gun. America is extremely dangerous but only if you’re unarmed. All the criminals and cops can smell if you have a gun and they’ll be too afraid to do anything to you if you have one.
Also you can’t trust our water, so it’s purely Soda and Budweiser while you’re here. Locals might tell you to eat at local restaurants but their stomachs are habituated. You’ll need to stick to McDonald’s. Luckily there is one on every single corner.
If you get injured you should avoid using an ambulance as they will take you directly to a hospital. In the US that’s just where we go to die. You need to drive yourself to an Urgent Care doctor. If you can’t drive yourself and have to use an ambulance then there is a complimentary memorial wreath that can be sent to your family. Along with the invoice for your death care of course.
The US is smaller than it appears on maps. This is because most maps are not American centric and have to expand the US to show the ratio properly. You might have budgeted multiple days to travel between the coasts but you really can just do New York one day and the Grand Canyon the next day.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah it’s traditional to make a bomb joke with the customs agent as you come into the country. Especially if you can manage a middle eastern accent. All of us do it. It’s a grand joke.
Did I miss anything?
Cops are usually chill and laid back, but they get tired of the monotony of their job sometimes and appreciate the use of erratic, unpredictable movement when interacting with them. They also like someone who is proactive, so instead of waiting for them to ask you for your licence and registration, just jump right out of your car as soon as they step out of theirs and pull your wallet out of your pocket as quickly as you can for them. You’ll never have an issue with the cops again after this.
🤣🤣🤣
Good luck not getting shot mate.
I’ll try my best
Just avoid schools
Never take the ambulance. They will suck your money and your soul.
They’re driving on the right side.
Good reminder, he should teach them how to drive on the left. Lead by example.
I’m told the temperature is different here.
I recommend travel health insurance. It’s affordable and a good piece of mind considering their healthcare can be extremely expensive.
Be sure to tell them their life would’ve been much better today if they remained a colony
Remember not to be black.
Or brown
Bring your own marmite.
You can buy marmite in many stores in my area (LA).
Customs maybe be unhappy at bringing in food.
What is it with the US and marmite if you all like it so much import it
Tarrifs :(
Irn-Bru too, funnily enough.
The FDA aren’t a fan of how it (or was) made.
Marmite is nasty
Take that back
Did I just insult the entirety of the UK?
50% at most
Only part of it.
There was a successful ad campaign based on how many people in the UK find it repulsive.
https://www.creativereview.co.uk/you-either-love-it-or-hate-it/
