Deep inside I wish all of you say “no, it wasn’t” so I can cope with the fact I’ll die alone more peacefully… But I guess I can’t control y’all, so be honest or whatever.
Absolutely, you can’t put a cost on happiness.
Sorry to disappoint OP :).
Yeah, absolutely. But that’s surviorship bias. If my relationship wasn’t worth it, I wouldn’t stay in it. The real cost isn’t the effort getting there, it’s the daily effort keeping it working. Dealing with your own shit, and someone else’s can be exhausting.
But, for lots of lucky people it’s totally worth it. My partner brings me so much joy, at a deep level, and also a lot of silly entertainment like any good friend. And although it’s a lot of work, they also constantly make my life simpler and help me with the things I can’t handle.
And I don’t know your situation, but I never saw myself as being with someone. And then, pretty randomly, I’m my late 30s, having never ‘dated’ or been in a real relationship, I ended up meeting up with someone and now we’re married and have had many happy (and sometimes difficult) years together. I never expected it to happen, and I certainly didn’t expect to love it as much as I do. But anything can happen, as long as you remain open to possibility.
Also, loads of people lave and prefer being single. It’s just the ones in relationships are going to be (mostly) ones that it’s working for.
Didn’t “spend” anything, I invested it
There were no sacrifices, only comprises
Absolutely 100,000% worth it, even after decades
Your question sounds a bit like it came from 4Chan to be honest! Hope everything works out for you :)
I would be without a caregiver, probably close to suicide.
Then again, I probably got the responsible Covid infection from my kids… Nah, still worth it.
There is no one right or wrong way to have a relationship. My SO and I have a relationship where we can do all the fun things we did alone, but together in the same room. I can put on headphones and play video games for 8 hours straight, she doesn’t care. Relationships aren’t all a box that have to fit a standard.
What I will say OP is that the attitude you have is probably doing more harm to you getting in a relationship then anything else. Your resentment and assumptions that you’ll die alone will push away more people than it will pull in, and it quickly becomes a vicious cycle. Trust me, I know, I was down that path quite deep. It wasn’t until a very good friend put in a lot of time and patience to help show me that it was me who was doing the most harm to myself, not society. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Start working on yourself, OP, we’re all rooting for you. I won’t lie, it’s not a fun path, but it’s a very rewarding one.
I already gave up. Is sad and I’m miserable but I can’t change my world, I’m like a ghost… but thanks anyways
I hope someday you realize how wrong that statement is, and wish you luck.
You’re alive so you still have the option. We are all responsible for our own happiness. Invest in yourself and things will improve. Force yourself to go outside your comfort zone. Even if that is to go to a coffeeshop by yourself and read a book. You can do it OP
Force myself is something I just I’m unable to do. And I’ve been ALONE in restaurants and similars for over a decade. Is depressing.
Yea, I didn’t really spend all that much money or shit getting into a relationship, I mostly just met someone I really like doing something niche that I enjoy (MUDding) and then we decided to meet up and eventually got married.
When you’re in the right frame of mind (where you aren’t looking to complete yourself with someone else) someone will find you or you will find someone where the “calculations” about proper amounts of time and money spent with them go out the window and the “work” that must be done does not feel like such.
At least that’s what happened to me. When it feels natural you can tell the difference from the other ones… then you’re on the right track to happiness
I guess I just don’t understand these feelings.
I dunno what dating experience you have, or even if everyone does this. Only speaking to my own experience, i used to calculate whether i was being a good mate or whether i was being taken advantage, that kind of thinking. When i met my partner all that stuff disappeared.
I glossed over the “get head right” stage but that was the most important bit for me, and may be where you are in life if you follow my path.
I am and have always been a romantic, really wanted to be with someone. Gave up even looking for dates and focused on my own head and life. Went to the gym, got a little project to do, (you know, that pat shit everyone says to do like it’s fucking easy.)
It just happened to be something i was capable of in that moment. I i discovered them what it means when ppl say exercise is good for your brain. And then, while i was busy minding my business i got chased down and married by someone who saw more in me than i see in myself.
I’m definitely not special in any way, solid 6/10. That means it can happen to you even tho it sounds like I’m blowing smoke up your ass.
Anyway i don’t know how to finish this, but i really empathize with where you are cuz i was there too. i just wanna extend the belief to you that you can get here, you really can.
Here’s the thing. I already went to the gym long ago and had a shitty job (all my jobs will be shitty, I’m dumb, uneducated and poor) I quit both. I couldn’t take it anymore and it’s been years since then. That’s just not me, it depresses me.
Absolutely. There’s no better feeling than knowing someone will always be there for you and have your best interests in mind. Cuddles and stupid jokes aren’t bad either, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Even in past relationships that didn’t work out, I wouldn’t say the time/money/energy was wasted either. I don’t regret any of it, even if it was only to find out what didn’t work for me and what I didn’t want in the future.
I know you’re trying to come to terms with being alone, but I truly believe love is worth fighting for, if you decide you want that. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.
Been married for 18 years and my wife and I adore each other.
Were there shitty times and issues? Hell yes, plenty. But there’s also been plenty of good times. She’s my mate and companion for life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Seeing her smile completes the universe.
I wanna wake up to her everyday until we’re a couple of wrinkled old prunes.
Didn’t really sacrifice, or spend time/money that I didn’t want to. Even in the relationships I’m not still in, none of it was a waste. Been with my wife for over 20 years now.
You sound very unhappy with being alone. If you feel stuck and like you’ve tried everything you can think of, it might be a good time to ask for help from a therapist or similar. They might have ideas or tools you haven’t thought of yet
People in relationships can be miserable and feel extremely alone too, if the relationship isn’t working well. It’s not a one-stop-shop to happiness sadly
I hope you figure it out and start feeling better
As much fun as it can be to wallow in self pity…
I think you would benefit more from a perspective adjustment.
Why do you think you’ll be alone forever?
If the answer is “I’m not attractive/rich/charming/popular enough” you’re absolutely wrong. Most of us don’t give a shit about those things. Sure, they might make it easier to get someone’s attention, but those aren’t what makes a great relationship.
What has been your process for meeting and building relationships with others? I bet there’s a lot more you can control than you think.
This is coming from a fat, shy, dork whose hobbies include video games, D&D, and mind altering substances. Never been a “Playa’”, but I have been married twice and I have three biological children. If a dope like me can pull it off, anyone can.
Oh, I don’t think your look is a problem, I’ve seen hideous people (not You) with families. The problem is me, I’m a failed adult, I’m unable to socialise, hate pretty much anything popular or social and I don’t have job, car, own place. Plus I’m an immigrant. I don’t have a process, I’m empty, hollow. You sound more successful.
It aint about time or money or otherwise, it is about finding a person with him none of this shit matters…
The only things that matters is being together, time, money and everything else will be worked out to the both of parties abilities.
Some people don’t need partners but vast majority does. I noticed this trend where people say they don’t need, which is fine if they are honest with themselves. However, I doubt half of 30-50yo population prefers to be “single”
My personal opinion as a relationship normie, it would not be a full life for me without a partner. Career or whatever else people try to substitute a proper relationship with is not healthy.
