I spend a lot of time listening to young and adult men in workplaces, schools, online and beyond. Among the questions I often ask is what gives them purpose. The young men who can’t answer seem to be the most lost, spending too much time online, often sunk in despair or filling their hours with looksmaxxing (the online and influenced-fueled trend of maximizing physique and looks), porn or another pursuit that fills their time but not their soul.

For those who can cite a purpose, the list usually centers on a few things. One is friendship—breaking the often emotionally superficial ways that boys are taught to interact with, finding someone who understands and connects with them.Another is a job or vocation that brings a sense of connection, completion and accomplishment—not easy to find in a warehouse, delivery job or an untenable hourly wage at a fast-food joint. Employers who truly care about keeping young men and women have figured out they need to offer more.

But the topic that makes men’s eyes shine when they talk about purpose, is caring for someone. Caring for an elderly parent. Caring for a spouse or intimate partner. Caring about their children or those in their household. Caring about the clients or patients they serve in a care-focused profession.