Listen, don’t interrupt a conversation with stuff about you. Take the time to listen to them and ask questions, it goes a long way.
I have a lot of trouble with this, I guess issues with egocentrism. For me, listening is trying to understand their perspective, and picturing how I would see things from where they are standing very often wraps around to finding an experience that I’ve had, or things that I understand, that are analogous. Those things help me get a better grip on what this person is saying. I haven’t really found a way around this, when I really try to not inject my own anecdotes I end up not really contributing much substance and often not following as well, and I feel like a much worse listener because of that.
As I’ve grown older I’ve realized that I’ve always had some trouble with auditory processing in general, so interjecting is a way I can slow down the conversation before I get lost and make sure I’m still on track.
I’ve started to have such a massive problem around this one lately. I’m a good, maybe even great listener, and when I’m with another good listener, some real nice and deep conversations emerge, which I really treasure.
The problem is that the amount of other good listeners around me has shrunk to nearly no one, and I feel myself completely squeezed out of every conversation I engage in. Even a one-on-one dialogue can turn into a monologue where I’m not able to fit in more than a syllable here and there.It’s really deteriorating my self esteem and level of happiness. Really feels like not even my closest friends and family give a shit about any part of my life or my person.
Just the same used to happen to me. Then I started to take charge of my life.
I learn to say no. I throw away people making only noises. I cut all the craps from my life. Alone and contented, I am much better than my past. And when i do find good listeners, there is some significant talk.
You also need to make some short witty satirical comments in between, to shake them, like Mark Twain’s.
Never leave without an appointment. When doing routine things like the dentist or yearly car inspection make the next appointment on your way out. If booking your next dentist visit 6 months out you get your choice of any time you like. Just stick it in your calendar and move on.
The only time that voice doesn’t work is if the people you’re making an appointment with only schedule out a certain time in advance and you need to go out longer. The cardiologist office I go to only ever lets you schedule 6 months in advance and I gotta go yearly, so I don’t have that luxury.
Try to think of something for which you are grateful every day. I have a reminder on all my devices for this daily and I think of three things.
- I got to see Reign of Fire in cinemas.
- Climate change means you can wear pyjamas or scuba gear to walk down the street an no one will bat an eye.
- Eggnog still exists
Do you have any gratitudes that are in heavy rotation? My husband and me moving back to my beloved Pacific Northwest are two of my favs.
Toilet roll under if you have a cat or pet who likes to rip off bits of them.
Toilet roll over for everything else.
Or just install a door on your bathroom and hang the toilet roll over.
My cats: TOILET ROLL UNDER CANNOT STOP ME
Save & invest 50% of your paycheck for 10 years, and you could technically retire (as long as your cost base does not go up).
Save & invest 50% of your paycheck
So, we eat cake, then? Tell us again how to isolate that 50% when so many people are food-insecure at 0% saved.
Doesn’t have to be 50%, that’s merely an example to illustrate the power of compounding & resisting lifestyle creep. If you take anything away, it’s to try to save & invest what you can, as young as you can, and to resist the urge to “keep up with the Joneses”. That will put you in a much healthier financial position. I don’t know your situation, and you don’t know mine.
as long as your cost base does not go up
Inflation and greedflation would like a word.
Inflation
That’s what the investing is for isn’t it?
So if the investment is for inflation, what are you going to survive from?
Historically, investing in a broad-market index fund has seen 8-12% annual returns. Average inflation in the US has been around 2-3%. Subtract another 3-4% for taxes, and you’re still making at least 3%.
Anyways, the point is more about the fact how powerful saving & compounding is. Save early in life, and try to not inflate your lifestyle too much, and then you can technically reach financial independence.
You call 3% significant gains? I mean it’s better than nothing, but i don’t think it’s going to be worth breaking one’s neck over
I’m not sure anyone called it significant gains?
Anyways, 50% is really just an example to show what can be possible through saving & investing. Saving any amount of money, at a regular rate, can quickly become more than you think, when compounding is in play.
If you can set aside 50 % of your money, you are already independent.
No, independent would mean you could cease that source of income and maintain your lifestyle. If you save 50% of your first paycheck and then quit I doubt that would be the case.
Being able to set that much aside would definitely make one wealthy (or live a very austere lifestyle) and fast track them toward independence, but it’s not an automatic qualifier.
I was able to do that for a few years bit I was living with my parents and paying them a pittance for rent. Certainly not independent. All my expenses shot up when I left but I was able to pay a lot of my loans off before that.
Past performance is no guarantee of future gains
Agreed, no investment can be guaranteed. However, average return of s&p 500 over 100 years has been 10%. Average return of an example index-fund, VTI, since inception in 2001 has been around 8%.
I’m of the opinion that the stock market is overvalued right now, mainly pumped up by tech stocks which are overvalued due to AI hype. I can’t help but think eventually all the baby boomers are going to want to cash out and enjoy their invested money while they’re still alive.
But on another note, do you expect the stock market to perpetually trend up? I suppose inflation helps keep stock prices up because the dollar is worth less than before.
50%??💀
It’s easy, just stop paying rent and eating.
i like these threads; it shows how disconnected from reality some of us are.
You can, if you can. I think most people can’t do that though.
The better lesson would be to teach compound interest. Somebody that invests $2k every year for 10 years and then stops will have more money than somebody who starts in year 11 and does so for the rest of their life.
That’s sort of the point I was trying to make with an example, but it appears it fell flat. Compound interest and resisting lifestyle inflation, can really help people in the long-run.
Why don’t you save All the money you’ve earned?
If I didn’t eat, I’d have money to burn!
Check yo privilege
Just 50%?
If you want something, ask for it. A raise? A date ? Help? Advice? Wanna do something else in your company? Need a sport buddy?
90% of times the reason one doesn’t get what they want is because they don’t ask.
I asked and got all the above… Well the date not on first try 😅
As a person who manages people, I cannot fight for your raise if YOU don’t fight for your raise.
I cannot tell you how many times where something like this happens. I tell my higher ups, “Sarah should get promoted and increase her salary” and then my bosses go up to Sarah and she responds all limpdick like, “I like my job and I’m happy.”
God damn it Sarah! Flex a little. Talk about how you see a opening you want. Stop being a keyboard warrior on Work Reform and actually SAY IT OUT LOUD. Share your wins! Brag about your value to the company. Demand your worth to MY BOSSES TOO.
It’s not a single person who makes these decisions. It’s multiple people.
Nobody is going to hand you shit if you’re timid about it.
A recent one I found: If you get a pain in your back that returns whenever you walk… Take a trip to the wildest wilderness you can reach without needing to walk there, then start walking on uneven terrain. It is a huge difference on the muscles the body need. And just a forest path with a few roots isnt enough. Get off the path. Take the harder route. And be careful to not hurt yourself, of course.
Is that just to work out your core muscles? Because these easier ways to work them out.
Core strengthening can help with back pain, but in this case it’s different. Walking on soft or variable surfaces causes less impact pain to sensitive nerves. People with poor flexibility or damaged discs in their back feel more pain from walking on hard, flat surfaces. The quality of shoe support / insoles can help with this too. If you have back pain when you walk, you start to compensate for it with an uneven gait, turning your pelvis inward or outward or tightening your hips. Over time this will cause tight muscles that will pull your spine out of alignment and exacerbate pain. Uneven terrain will force a break in these habits and encourage mobility and stretching in tight hips, hams and back muscles. This can be improved off a trail by doing mobility exercises like 3d lunge matrix, kinetic hip flexor and hamstring stretches. I would add that while you can prevent most back pain by doing core strengthening, wearing supportive footwear and doing these kinds of flexibility/mobility practices, it is always better for your body to have variability in how it exerts itself, than doing the same exercises over and over. Hiking is great for this because the terrain and the way you tackle it changes a lot each time you hike.
Oh yeah and a chiropractor will not resolve issues like this. Find a physical therapist that works with athletes and kinetic mobility/recovery stuff. Most PTs work with old people, post op, or chemo patients and are too gentle/slow in their approach to younger folks who need to retain their bodies.
Im no physician, I dont know.
My chiropractor made a small suggestion that a walk in the forest could help, and I discarded it because I was already “walking in the forest” a lot. Except I kept to the well-trodden paths. And I walked on asphalt to get to the forest. And it didnt really help. And the exercises he told me to do at home didnt really do much.
Probably was from getting away from the chiropractor, ngl
Don’t let a couple kooks spook you.
If you’re rough on your body, they can be an absolute godsend.
I’m at the point where I can’t always get my skeleton to go back to where it ought to be, and a good chiro can find exactly which bones aren’t.
Last one I went to was during a bicycle tour. The campsite wasn’t ideal, and I awoke not being able to look left. Like at all. Turn to the right, ow that hurts, try to turn left, head stops straight forward, sharp spike of pain and no further movement.
Well whatever. Break camp, mount up, ride a couple miles. Now I’m warm and loose, right? Do some stretches. Go through as much of the routine as I can, get some pops and creaks, but still can’t turn my fucking head. Slightly better.
Pedaling like this is a fucking bastard, because it’s not just my neck, I’m all fucked up, but the road lies ahead and we go.
Get into town some hours later, have some lunch, a couple beers, still can’t move for shit, see a sign for a chiro. Guy does walk-ins, thank god. Gets what we’re doing, says ‘well, I’m never gonna see you again, so I’ll do the best I can in one go’
I think that motherfucker popped every goddamn vertebrae in the whole spine, and some of em twice.
Felt like a new man. Finally felt those beers. Rest of the tour went fine
My man, you need a better bed. I get this whenever I sleep on a shit bed somewhere.
If you’re camping take a cot
When I’m camping I take a memory foam mattress topped with a sheepskin.
Which is what we were sleeping on during that story.
Which is approximately 10,000% more comfortable than any cot I’ve ever used
American chiros are weird.
My current guy is all about not wanting to see me, and wishes for my continued success in doing so. When I do drop by, and I’m active, it’s a checkup and a “keep doing that and now fuck off for 3 months” as part of long-term care for a life-altering slip-n-fall 30 years ago.
In fact, I’ve had like 6 chiros in my time, as we tend to move about a lot, and while their diagnostic gear changes from place to place, the hallmark of a good chiro is “do these exercises, stay mobile, and come back if you feel you need to; but I’ll be happy if we only talk once a season”.
When you first need a chiro, see two. Drop the one that seems to be too mercenary or woo-woo-crystals-magic.
Or see a physiotherapist instead.
Yeah, basically that’s what they’re suggesting. Work on strengthening your stabilization muscles.
Once you’ve lathered up in the shower, throw some of that lather on the chrome in the shower then rinse it off just before you get out. Clean chrome, every day, without doing much.
Use the vibrator around the thighs and top of the pelvis. Tease it
Similar; caress all around the boob, getting close to the nipple on occasion but not actually touching it. Tease it.
Don’t be fat
Also don’t not be not fat
Also don’t not be not fat
Guys, tetris agrees with above guy…count the negatives…
oh they know, they just think the humour is weak
Budget. Don’t need to be fancy. But build a view on the things that you’ll need to pay for over the year (Christmas, birthdays, holidays, car service, boiler service etc) and actually put money aside every month to pay for those things. Nothing beats the adult feeling of “yes, I’ll just pay for this thing here from this envelope and done”.
And if you’re uncertain about the exact numbers always overestimate costs and underestimate income.
It not too late to learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby. If you hear of something that sounds fun, dive in!
Be rich. Makes everything so much easier.
Solves being poor 100% of the time!
Mise en place really helps my adhd brain with cooking. Prepping while managing the stovetop stresses me out unless it’s during a long simmer.
Get a vpn and torrent to your hearts content. The subscription services are too fractured. I’ve got Jellyfin, audiobookshelf, and mealie self hosted
If you want a rower go with the concept2. It’s the gold standard for indoor rower and they hold their value. I prefer going moderate effort long distance because then that time can be doubled up as audiobook/tv time
Edit: Besides exercise, which would ideally be a mix of cardio and strength work, make stretching a part of your routine. At least a few times a week. I mainly target the hamstrings and hip flexors
I mainly target the hamstrings and hip flexors
Hip mobility is a bigger issue as you leave East Asia and go to America. It’s like on a scale from America to Asia, check your flexibility – and you want ‘Asia’-class flexibility. America is not only fat, but also we can’t bend to actually save our lives.
Manage your email. Unsubscribe from everything that hits your inbox you don’t want. Mark emails as read even if you don’t read them. Automate tagging. Write rules to move things automatically out of your inbox to a different folder. Put time sensitive emails on your calendar. And above all else, use the archive and trash. Keep your inbox clean!
Unsubscribe is your friend.
FOMO is a marketing strategy.
We want to stay in your inbox so we can temp you on big marketing days.
Alternatively, don’t spend any time out effort on that, except flagging/deleting spam, and take advantage of search functionality to immediately find anything you need later on.
Agreed on the calendar use though.
Also I don’t mean do any of that manually. Set a rule for tagging your boss’s emails as ‘boss’. You know you are looking for an email about tps reports. It was either your friend or lumberg. There are also other people who are emailing about tps reports. You can find it faster if you use the boss tag and it was actually him
My boss better not email me on my personal mailbox.
I have one personal email (posteo, 1 euro per month) that I use for personal correspondences, and one shitty personal email I signed up for in high school that I use for anything where there’s any chance it might make it to some corporate mailing list. I have the posteo address set up alongside work email to notify me when new mails come in, and the junk address I’ll login through firefox like every few days (unless I’m expecting something specific) to skim and mark the most recent mail as read so I know where to start skimming next time.
For work, anything I actually need to deal with I’ll mark as unread until I get around to it, because it’s annoying seeing the icon show I have unread messages. Sometimes “getting around to it” does just mean putting it in a calendar or some other way of making sure I don’t lose track.
