I like them really dumb so they really like me.
Very important.
-I want to be with someone I enjoy talking to.
-I admit that I couldn’t bring much to the sort of relationship where intelligence isn’t particularly important.
-Intelligence is heritable to a significant extent, which is important in case children are produced.
I got a perfect score on my SATs and I’m in my mid thirties and working in a bakery (not as a baker, I just sell bread and clean. It’s lovely).
Granted, it’s part time while I get a master’s degree, but I’ll be working 20 hours a week for mediocre pay when I finish, teaching adult language/integration courses for new immigrants.
Intelligence and ambition aren’t necessarily related, though obviously you get farther if you get good grades. Ambition is correlated with studying, diligence, and focus, so it tends to lead to higher SAT scores.
Conscientiousness and ambition aren’t the same thing but they are related, and conscientiousness appears to be uncorrelated or weakly negatively correlated with intelligence. With that said, I have met relatively few highly intelligent people who aren’t career-oriented; I can only guess about why.
A friend of mine is married to an intelligent, educated woman who simply doesn’t want to work. I don’t understand her - I would be bored out of my mind if I went more than a few months without a job. But I do sometimes envy my friend. He can support his family on a single income, and when he moves for work his wife has no difficulty coming with him. He can take jobs far from big cities because he doesn’t have to worry about being somewhere where she can find a job too. (Right now they live near the beach on an island in Florida.)
Meanwhile my partner and I have twice as much money as his family but we don’t even live together because I live near my job and she lives near hers. We’re both busy so we see each other once or twice a week. We aren’t just dating - we’re in a committed long-term relationship, but work comes first.
I believe it depends on exactly what you define as “inteligent”
I can get behind this. There are many kinds of intelligence and their measurements are subjective.
Within that perspective, I’d say that I’d rather be with someone naive that is capable and eager vs someone stubborn and unwilling to learn.
Oh no
That’s where I’m at as well. Could go so many different ways; how do I know someone is intelligent? Do their conversations feel particularly deep to me? Do they invest their money well? Good at memorizing baseball facts?
At a certain point yeah, obviously if they just have wind blowing around inside their head it’s unlikely that I would find them desirable as a partner. So in a way it is very important to me. But the vast majority of people are capable of nurturing loving and rewarding relationships rooted in who they are as a whole, whether or not they are remarkably intelligent. So in another way it’s not important at all
moooist
it was important for me. i needed a partner near my own wavelength. a person who could challenge me…someone who can see through my bullshit
As long as they’re able to go about their life without doing dumb shit that’s good enough for me. More important is being ethical and having good emotional intelligence (I suppose this could be lumped in with intelligence but it’s not the same as being book smart).
I wish you were more specific, there’s multiple types of intelligence.
Agreed. I need intelligence defined by OP since it means different things to different people.
Ex: you can be emotionally intelligent but as dumb as a billboard
Or super smart but emotionally cannot pick up on any emotions or physical needs.
Both of these are bad.
Not much. As long as she’s a person with common sense and a bit of intelligence, I’m fine.
Yeah not only intelligent but a curious and inquisitive mind. I need someone fun to be with who will challenge me and have cool conversations with. If they’re not willing to learn new things then that’s pretty boring.
I wouldn’t want to spend my life with someone, who would not be capable of understanding the things I like thinking and talking about, so a lot less intelligent partnet would be a problem. I would also not want to feel like I have nothing to offer intellectually to my partner, so the ideal is to be in the same league. I can theoretically imagine some kind of combination of one partner being less intelligent but also outstanding in another department that the other partner is lacking.
So this is an interesting question to me and got me thinking… I think the qualities that are important to me in a partner (compassion, empathy, openness, open mindedness, passion, etc.) aren’t strictly tied to intelligence? Maybe there’s a correlation, I guess? Depends on how you define intelligence.
I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to look for particularly intelligent people. In fact I’d probably avoid anyone who puts their IQ in their bio (because… Eww). But based on my interests and personally, I can see myself naturally sharing more in common with “intelligent” people (wow that sounds pretentious).
I do wonder if I’d feel frustrated with a partner who couldn’t understand me when explaining complex things though…
There are so many different types of intelligence, and so many different ways of judging them. Someone’s intelligence can vary so much even on a day to day basis based on if they get enough sleep, their blood sugar, stress levels, hormones, health issues, distractions, etc etc. I used to put SO MUCH stock in intelligence but as I’ve gotten wiser I’ve realized it doesn’t matter if they can solve math problems quickly or have a big vocabulary or specialized in a niche field of science or got an advanced degree etc etc. I learned that as long as a partner is good at problem solving and makes good decisions, none of the rest matters. Are the decisions they are making consistently making their and other’s lives better? Are they able to tackle hurdles when they come between them and their goals? If the other pieces of compatibility are there then that’s really all that’s important.
I love reading and playing Chess. Writing is a personal passion and maaan do I love to talk about psychology, sociology, and the larger sciences. At the same time I do enjoy exercise such as hiking and exploring in general, though I need someone to pull me out to actually do these things. Otherwise, I’ll stay home and read, play games, and continue to learn the motherfucking piano, which is proving to be a nice challenge.
Intelligence here is simply someone who is curious and driven enough to ask questions. Solid +3 modifier to sexiness if they’re smarter than me. Like, let me listen to you talk about amphibians, historical setbacks, or how a geological formation potentially created a series of tunnels full of mystery and allure. I eat that shit up.
If I were the type to choose a partner, I’d say it’s very important for them to be not dumb, but less important to be actually smart. It would still be a positive, but someone who’s not a genius but still had many other good qualities can still be fun to hang out with. It’s also a mindset thing-- someone with little knowledge but a will to learn is better than someone who knows more, but refuses to learn anything new. (Not that knowledge == intelligence, anyways.)
I think there’s something to be said for being able to show somebody you love a thing that you love for the first time, so I don’t necessarily want someone who’s so intelligent that they’re jaded to the world. However, after dating a man who was on the level of “Winter lasts as long as the Christmas season, spring starts in January,” I realized that doesn’t apply to basic facts about the world. I also don’t want someone dumb enough to try and reject those basic facts about the world when questioned. I’m not really looking for a specific level of education, just someone who’s interested in learning more about the world.
Dont gotta be super smart, just have a good attitude and curiosity. I want to build a life together, not cure cancer.
Why dont you want to cure cancer, my guy?
Do you really want to take away the livelihood of cancer researchers?
Big cancer doesn’t want you to know.
