instead of learning to stop over thinking and being less anxious, i’ve decided to lean into it and try to prepare / predict every situation, along with the most common / reasonable ones, and prepare accordingly. and once i have, i let it go

for example, i’m at the airport to take a flight soon… so i packed earlier today to the best of my ability. both for necessities and entertainment. is it possible that i forgot something? you betcha. but according to all of the possibilities i’ve simulated in my head, i’ve got everything i need within the possibility sphere i’m likely to occupy

of course, there are some situations which could happen that i would be screwed if they did… the most concerning of which is, embarrassingly, whether or not my nose hair gets long enough to make my nose itch while i’m gone. but hopefully that was a one off itching that won’t come back later!

the possibility space of a trip away from home is pretty small and tame, but the possibility space for interactions with other people is much bigger, as well as unique to every individual. plus, the ever present threat of a traumatic reaction adds a lot of randomness to the scenario

still, i’m hoping that i can build a broad, general enough map to cover most situations. it’s quite a herculean task, but i feel like humans are mostly the same at heart. guess i’ll find out if that’s true or not 😅

please note that relaxing and accepting the possibility of things going “wrong” (in unforeseen or undesirable ways) is still a very important part of the process. for the best results, you’ll still want to be able to take in, process, and respond to any given situation, which you’ll need to be able to accept and calm down to process in the moment

the key difference here is recognizing that the main way a social interaction falls apart is when a traumatic reaction occurs, and researching and recognizing what that looks like, and understanding the mechanisms at play behind it, and the best ways to act and respond when it happens; while also taking into account that you, yourself, may have a traumatic reaction in response, with the associated skillsets learned and developed to counteract it

so yeah, writing all of that out is why my brain is a little funny. i don’t really think i should, because it feels like i’m talking a little bit too much, either about how i work, or how people work, i’m not sure. buuut i’m at the airport and a little tipsy and have nothing better to do… and you asked! so i hope it was kind of a fun or interesting read