“…because actions speak LOUDER than words!!!”
This was just a silly joke that got WAY out of hand. The author isn’t even trying to claim it’s real. Getting defensive and angry is the worst possible way to respond - therefore, I hope they keep doing it.
It would be something to see a headline about JD Vance denying having relations with a couch
Wonder if it’ll happen
Oh god and they find out it was a new couch and JD has a thing for underage settees
Could you imagine being the person that wrote that?!? Id take a drink of whatever just to do a spit take. “Omfg, I can’t believe it’s gone that far!”
Not to completion, at least.
If this is genuine, I think we should accept him at his word.
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch.
Wait, that came out wrong
“It depends on what the meaning of the word
‘is’couch, is”
You think fucking couches is a joke? Furniture abortions are at an all-time high and you think it’s some kind of silly joke?
Come on. You and I both know that those stats are cushioned.
There has been a steep recline in these numbers over the years.
C’mon Vance, don’t be a La-Z-Boy, answer the questions about your sectionality
Cmon, at least the couch won’t tell us how little your dick is.
It’s far too traumatized to answer questions at this time. Please respect the couches wishes for privacy.
Convicted felon Donald Project 2025 Trump’s campaign says it’s ‘not going to talk about couches’, in reference to JD Couch Fucker Vance
Don’t wanna discuss it huh? So you’ve got something to hide about it?
Which got me the sick idea of “Coucher”, an app like Tinder where you can swipe pics of upholstered living room furniture…
I’m not going to look, but I find the idea hilarious.
NSFW
spoiler
Holy shit! Ngl, that’s the hottest couch I’ve ever seen.
“Dear casting couch,
Thanks for the quick reply.
No, not like that. Just the couch.
Jd.”
No, they’re not gonna talk about couches at all!
Phillipjeffries.jpg
You don’t have to talk to em, you just walk right up and grab em by the cushy
Furnitussy
To the tune of “We don’t talk about Bruno”
We’re gonna talk about them endlessly.
“I did not have sexual relations with that settee!”
Sectional relations
COUCHES are being used in SCHOOLS to FORCE kids to have sex! We need to BAN these sick perverted couches. THEY want your children to stop having kids.
GET THEM OUT OF SCHOOLS
Or something deranged like that.
If they’re trying to sweep this under the rug, I do not wanna know what JD Vance did to that rug…
WHY ARE YOU DODGING THE QUESTION?
Denial, can we ask Matt Gaetz which stage of grief this is?
The best part is everyone except the right wing idiots knows it’s just a joke, but they are getting so upset over it.
