I got my hearing professionally checked today and all is normal. But I have difficulty hearing people I am dining with, talking in restaurants. Is it me, or is the music just too damn loud?!
I once read that it’s an epigenetic thing and it can be found across the animal kingdom. Some animals are born more sensitive and others less and this is important for the species or social group as a whole. This actually happens on a neuron level.
The less sensitive kind needs to actively search out stimulation, whereas you can leave the more sensitive one alone with a flower and they’ll be a happy camper.
And there’s so much more to it, for example developmental. Have you ever noticed the difference in sound levels in people’s homes? In some places it’s just like a warzone. TV on max, dogs barking, kids screaming. Imagine growing up with that. Like a fish in water.
And then there’s all the processing disorders…
You can train yourself though if you value it. I enjoy encounters and it bothered me a lot, so I just kept going to busy cafés and bars until my brain finally got the memo. It keeps surprising me how my hearing has become like a sort of precision microphone.
In India, restaurants generally play smooth music at near audible levels.
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It’s to encourage you to eat faster and leave, so your table is available for the next victim.
This is it. It’s why seats/stools look nice but feel uncomfortable after 20 or so minutes.
I remember seeing this on the news a few years ago. If I remember right, they were interviewing a design firm that does interior design for fast food and fast casual restaurants, and they were talking about all of this. I was really surprised at how candid they were being, since you would think that they would want this to be an industry secret.
The high stools with no back, the music that is too loud, the lights that are a little too bright and kind of hanging down in your field of view: all intentional, so that you’re just ever so slightly uncomfortable and you leave a few minutes sooner.
Don’t they realize that once people leave such a place, they’re never coming back? There are only so many locals in a given area. Unless the place is a tourist trap this seems like a shitty idea for long term business.
If the food is amazing, then people will come back. The point is to make the location slightly uncomfortable enough that people want to leave sooner, not that they hate the place. The idea is you need to balance cost of food, and customer turn around time. If you make it very expensive, people won’t feel comfortable taking the food to go, even if it is an amazing item. On the flip side, a cheap menu that is very comfortable will be overly cost prohibitive.
- Create environment actively hostile to remain in for long periods of time
- Expect people to work and be productive in said environment for hours on end
Explains why I don’t like eating out and never cared for paying for stuff like the ambiance even at fancy restaurants and prefer take out.
Take out sadly still covers the ambiance
As a person with digestive problems that lead to hemorrhoids, this one in particular feels like a big fuck you.
Tile or concrete floors, hard surface walls, glass windows all reflect sound. As people start talking, if they are drinking they get louder, so then each table is trying to talk over the tables around them. Without acoustic damping, it can get pretty loud.
That’s a big part of it, but some people are just loud and some restaurants just play their music way too loud all the time.
Some bosses want to make sure you can hear the music at a decent volume at the back tables. Meanwhile the front tables:
I have ADHD and I find I have lots of difficulties with auditory processing in high noise floor situations. Also got my hearing checked because I couldn’t understand people in loud spaces. Turns out ADHD brains just don’t handle processing all that noise well. If I understand it correctly it’s because we need to process everything at the same level instead of some things being easy to leave on autopilot. Might not be your case but it sounded familiar so, that’s my two bits.
That was one of my biggest revelations last year. Figuring out I have ADHD and that’s why it’s hard for me to understand people, especially in crowded and loud spaces. Sometimes I found myself simultaneously listening to music, other people’s conversations and my own conversations. Makes it quite difficult sometimes.
So you’re basically saying we’re doing manual processing of the output stream instead of using pipewires inbuilt filters, like in the PulseAudio days?
I just don’t go to restaurants/bars with loud music anymore because of this. Buying beer and snacks somewhere else and sitting in public parks with my friends is better and much cheaper.
Same here, stimulant meds help a lot with it. I also have troubles understanding lyrics in songs. English isn’t my first language and I really thought that I just don’t understand this accents. Turns out that I can understand the lyrics way better when on meds, without it just sounds jibberisch - I can hear the syllables but they don’t make any sense.
Wow this sounds so familiar. I need to learn more. Any resources you could recommend?
https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/adhd/ This seems like a useful test to me for getting a better idea if you should talk to a psychiatrist or not. It’s ups and downs getting diagnosed, especially as an adult. I had one psychiatrist give me their full test and questionnaire and decided I was borderline but wouldn’t diagnose me or prescribe anything, (I was already on a med that helped but not any of the controlled ones) The next psychiatrist I went to a few years later didn’t even have me do the test, we had an in person appointment, (which I was late to) and after we’d talked for about 20 minutes I asked “so, when do we schedule the ADHD assessment?” He said “Oh, no, we don’t need to do one, you very clearly have ADHD.” XD Honestly though I learned more about it from the experiences of people on social media who had it than I ever learned from a doctor. I’d start with searching ADHD hashtags and see if you resonate with other people’s experiences.
Thank you.
Since you mentioned you got your hearing checked and everything is okay… Auditory Processing Disorder is a pretty common neurodivergence with a lot of overlap with ADHD/OCD/depression/anxiety/et al. It’s common with any or all of the others, but it shows up in neurotypical people too.
I’m ADHD and have APD as well :)
I’m on the same camp as you and also undiagnosed. I’ve suspected some form of autism but didn’t think ADHD could be my thing
Hey there I replied to the person that replied to you but I think that comment may be of value to you. https://reddthat.com/comment/12415216
And FWIW, there is only one kind of autism. ;)
Thanks!
I hadn’t taken those tests before. The raads-r gave me 98 the first time and 105 the second. I found the questions even more infuriating than other tests as there is no frame of reference for most questions, or questions are too ambiguous. Results were the same though- “you sit on the threshold”.
The cat-q was interesting. I scored 115 which apparently would be pretty high for a neurotypical female. Not sure what to make of that.
I’m currently on an autism diagnosis waiting list cuz there’s just not that many adult autism services in my area so maybe it might be that too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
FWIW if you’re 18+ there is less reason to get formally diagnosed. University of Washington did a study some time ago which found self diagnosis is rarely wrong. Link to that PDF here: https://depts.washington.edu/uwautism/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Self-Diagnosed-Adult-Autism-Resources-handout-9-22-22.pdf
A good way to find out is a combination of a couple tests. The RAADS-R is the most accurate known autism test, is is over 80% accurate. Here is a free one that doesn’t require registration: https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/
And if you doubt you’re autistic in any way (guessing based on wanting to be diagnosed), the CAT-Q is a good test to identify camouflaged autistic traits that you’ve learned to hide. This one is also free from the same place: https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/
Feel free to ask if you have questions. I’m late diagnosed myself (was over 30) and it’s a big world to navigate blindly!
Most respectable places have music that is loud at the beginning of service when there are few diners, but then the music gets lower as time goes on and the place fills up.
…not that I reread this, I’m really not implying you dont go to reputable places…really
One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is that so many places don’t adjust the volume properly to the amount of people in the place. If I go to a sports bar near me for happy hour, they have the music the same volume as when a big game is on and the place is packed.
It seems the music is set for the staff instead of the customers too.
“Turn it up loud enough we don’t have to hear these assholes complain”
You may have just nailed the motivation.
You guys don’t like the terrible cover band that comes and blasts their rockin tune?
Talking customers take longer to gtfo their tables so they can stick someone else in .
They blast loud because if you start talking with your friends and eat slowly and spend a lot of time their eating little.
Hmm. Processing disorders are a thing.
Some restaurants do have damn loud music, though. Most don’t where I live but that’s probably regional.
Everyone keeps mentioning them, but no one links to the information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auditory_processing_disorder
One of potential symptoms is indeed “Difficulty hearing in noisy environments”
I have a nice workaround: good earplugs. They lower the overall volume, and all of a sudden I can understand spoken words again. Too bad they actually increase for me the sound of my own chewing.
My work was evacuated once for a fire alarm (false) and we all kinda stood around waiting for the firemen to come and let us back in. While we waited we chatted. But I realised that I couldn’t understand what the people four feet away from me were saying. I could hear the noises coming from their mouths, but I couldn’t understand them. When the alarm was switched off, I could understand them.
Brain is weird.
Might be relevant, but I find that American restaurants are generally louder compared to European ones.
Side note: And why is it always fucking neo-country music? Sure, I’ve mostly been to Texas, but I have several albums in my CD collection as a testament to y’all making good music too.
It isn’t. My favorite restaurant–Kuma’s Korner, on Belmont in Chicago–is always playing metal.
Goddamn I miss that place… :(
I need to check it out. Turns out they have one in the suburbs just under 4 miles from me.
I’d been to the Lincoln Park location–I think that it’s closed now–and it had a very different vibe. I haven’t been to the suburban locations. To me, the original location, with it’s tiny eating section and dive-bar vibe, is still the best. Almost like if Exit served good food, y’know? (AFAIK, Exit doesn’t serve food at all.)
My experience in American restaurants is that the music is usually whatever is currently popular, so there’s a lot of hip hop and pop songs about dancing and fucking.
Last time I was out to eat with friends, the restaurant was playing an easy listening version of Welcome to the Jungle. That was a lot to process.
It doesn’t seem to be a super common, general thing where I live. However, there are some more prone to it than others, like places that have a bar and/or otherwise serve alcohol. Typically though it’s only the nights they do live music and that’s most often weekends and around specific holidays.
Mostly I just avoid pretty much any establishment if they’ve got live entertainment for the night and I’m there to eat as well as talk with others. I avoid any that are particularly egregious in terms of loud music. I have been with a group where we asked if the volume could be turned down on the speakers one night at a live event where we were one of only a few tables in the entire place and it was clear that nobody was particularly interested in damaging their hearing. The manager slowly slinked over to the performers about 5 - 10 minutes after the request, and they stopped playing shortly after.
It’s not you. If I’m at a RESTAURANT and can’t hear my friends, I leave. I won’t spend money at a place I have to yell to be heard (unless there’s a band I specifically want to see or I’m at a bar, but even bars have limits).
