It’s long time ago, but it was on twitter

One time I randomly decided to jump and touch the ceiling while standing in a doorway… I thought I broke my neck for a minute

Diamond, technically. It’s not the hardest thing in existence but probably the hardest my head has made contact with.

Once, when I was a kid (albeit old enough to know better) I was playing underneath a tall warehouse-style shelf. I could just stand up underneath it, so what do I decide to do? Jump as hard as I can, of course!

I’m not sure how I didn’t end up in hospital on that one.

Years ago I was working construction on a house and a iron clamp (around 2 or three pounds) under tension with a chain snapped and flew towards me and hit me above the forehead hard enough it spun me ass over tea kettle off of a scaffold where I belly flopped onto concrete about 6 or 7 feet down. I woke up about ten minutes later with paramedics around me laying in a pool of blood. I was air lifted by helicopter to the city around 80 miles away.

I still have a nice 2 inch scar on my head from where it hit, but thankfully I have a nice thick skull and I didn’t get any brian dabblage :)

When I was two or three I hit my head on the corner of a table in a post office and had a huge gash above my eyebrow. It had to be stitched and for some reason the doctor didn’t allow my mom to hold my hand. She still kicks herself for not insisting enough. I don’t remember it at all apart from the scar.

When I was really little, my uncle was pulling me behind a motorcycle on one of those plastic kids sleds and I rolled off face first into a pine tree.

Or maybe it was a couple years later when I got in a fight in line to go to the library and a kid grabbed the back of my head and smashed my temple onto the corner of a Formica countertop.

Or it could be when I caught the biggest guy in my Army unit jerking it and couldn’t keep my mouth shut and he did good level best to break my jaw. He must’ve had 6" and 100 lbs on me. Fortunately my head got in the way and I had to get stitches in my forehead from the punch and in the back of my head from the doorway he knocked my head into.

There were some other contenders, but those three all involved stitches and none of the others did.

Sledding as probably a 4-year-old. Ran straight into a metal picket fence post. Had quite the goose egg.

I did half a backflip once.

I was wearing a helm and got away with a concussion that kept me home for a week.

Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.

Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.

Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.

Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.

Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.

Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet’s office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.

Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.

Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.

Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.

There’s probably more that I’m forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)

Slipped backwards while ice skating and my head hit the ice.

Sailing… And the wind changed and I didn’t notice quick enough and got smscked it the head by the boom and would have fallen into the water if my buddy didn’t pull my stunned as back into the boat. I was pretty new to sail and learnt that Lesson the hard way.

When I was younger I fell off a homemade merry go round some neighbors had built. Got hit in the back of the head by one of the horses as I tried to get up. Ended up with staples and a lovely scar.

In school I was rocking my chair, fell backwards, hit my head on the corner of the radiator. Blood everywhere.

Swimming.

Miscounted strokes while doing backstroke. Right on the soft spot of the head.