Title says it all
Heh. Popsickle.
What’s pink, weighs a ton, and drags at the bottom of the ocean?
Tap for spoiler
Moby’s dick.
This one is a true story:
I was in Dallas Love Field with my daughter several years ago.
I said, “You know, this is where John Kennedy landed only a few hours before he was killed. Show some respect and try not to make an ass…assin of yourself.”
Roughly fifteen years later her eyes still haven’t come back from rolling into the back of her head
I’m still proud of myself for coming up with that little airport joke on the fly
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
Mike Tyson? That you?
Skeleton walks into a bar Can I have a pint and a mop
A man walks into a bar and says “OUCH!”
A seal walks into a club…
Hey, as long as they’re of age, what a seal does in their free time is none of my concern.
I’ve got bad news for ya, it’s a baby seal
Thank God it’s not a baby shark.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
What’s blue and sticky?
The same stick when it holds its breath.
An English breakfast has up to 9 ingredients, an American breakfast as many as 10, but in France 1 egg is enough.
(Un œuf sounds like “enough.” That’s the joke.)
Whenever someone says “oh my god” i say “you may call me [insert name here]”
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
That was a far better formulate of what I tried to say haha :)
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
Why did the surgeon hate performing toe amputations?
…he was lack-toes intolerant.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What did the tree said to the woodpecker? Nothing, trees don’t fucking speak.
When my passwords are insecure, I offer them a few encouraging words.