cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/1195222
Im introverted and have always enjoyed my solitude. Some people have complained that I don’t talk much, which is true, I don’t need to talk to feel good.
After changing workplaces, I decided to be proactive and introduce myself to my new coworkers. I was friendly and did it properly: my name, smiley face and what I do, eager to help them.
Some of them are friendly, greet back when I greet, but jesus christ, others outright avoid even eye contact with me like the plague, even though I kept greeting them for at least 2 more days.
Now I’ve returned the favor and I ignore them, not even asking them to do anything for me because last time I did, one of them said she would take a batch of documents to a nearby department but then outright ignored it and I had to do it myself.
It’s also a bit funny: 2 coworkers that the first day had small but normal conversations with me now look elsewhere when they see me… and I give them back the same treatment. Childish and petty? extremely, but I ask you: what should I do?
Introverted me says: what were you expecting? This is what people are, don’t bother trying to be extroverted, see what this brought you, return to your introverted self, do your job and go home, but this might sabotage me.
I confess neither do I know how to react when people are friendly when I’m talking to a coworker they like but the moment this coworker leaves, they turn to a mute.
To me, those of you who can play this silly workplace theater so well are geniuses. I cannot fake that a boring person interests me, nor can I fake respect for a person who treats me like I described.
I’d like to read your feedback.
I’m considered an extrovert by some people but I consider myself more of an introvert.
In years of office environments I have come to the conlusion that most people will just spin a bunch of dices and decide if they like you or not.
I like almost all of my coworkers, lots of them seems not to reciprocate. I have given up trying to understand the reason, it’s their own and trying to solve the puzzle has only ever brought me more suffering.
I focus on the ones that likes me and keep it professional with everybody else. That’s it.
you are acting extroverted to other introverts – how would you normally react towards daily greetings from an extrovert?
Don’t try for a one-size-fits-all policy. Try to remember they’re all individuals who will have their own opinions and interaction preferences, and calibrate accordingly to the individual reactions you get.
This office could also just have a different overarching culture to your previous one. You should probably be able to figure out the nuances in time if you pay some attention.
You did a good thing and got out of your comfort zone and engaged in a friendly manner. However, it takes practice, and you may have given off a “used car salesman” vibe or some other vibe without meaning to. Also, some of your new coworkers could be very introverted or even snobs. You can’t control other people, only yourself. Give it some more practice, but maybe dial it down a few notches. Trust has to be earned in both directions and this can take a long time in some work environments.
IMO, you mistook small talk for conversation. There’s a time for small talk and there’s a time for conversation. It’s kind of awkward when we as people get motivated enough to talk to other people, but can’t read the signs when the small talk or the conversation have hit a stopping point.
Another opinion of mine I that you introduced yourself as more senior than them in your trade. Now it’s up to them to want to continue the dialog. Just keep doing your thing your way, besides giving the new people a chance to choose to talk to you. If they do, then find ways to share your wisdom through conversation. If they choose to not talk to you, then trust your coworkers give them the wisdom.
Don’t waste too much mental energy on it because ultimately, if your work is good, it doesn’t matter your attitude towards new people as long as you’re not going out of your way to alienate them
