Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.

I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.

Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.

  • antoine@lemm.ee
    0·
    4 months ago

    I feel of felt something like you (and like someones that commented here). What made me search for help was this fantastic interview with a sociopath, with which I found big big (BIG) correlation: https://youtu.be/bdPMUX8_8Ms (I didn’ t remember it was that long, but is worth if you may).

    Long story short: it was found that I’m not sociopath, autistic (all questions of mine, subject to exams), but I know I have a different perception of relations. I can go aroung and do like Dyshae (the interviewed person of the video), demonstrating what others expect for good even though I don’t feel it like everyone else.

    Or I can be myself and, if my lifestyle is healthy for me and others, only live, no need to change how I do or trying to change my feelings. (In my specific case, it is not healthy to me, I have depression and I’m paralyzed by many things, but this would not then be of interest here and, certainly, not more Long Story Short.)

    I hope it can be a light for you.