Take the cardbard roll, crumble it, wet it, unravel the layers, and use them as wet wipes. Definitely not as good as a 4-ply toilet paper, but does the job in a real pinch.

There was an old reddit post, or maybe funnyjunk, where someone said they crumbled up the tp roll in their hands from the start of the shit until it wasn’t hard anymore. There was a picture too, not sure how I would find that

I’ve peeled these apart before and used that. It wasn’t great, but it worked.

One time I was looking for a rental in the country…this place was in the middle of nowhere, with a sketchy ass entrance and two huge collapsed barn buildings full of just delightful gross appliances parts.

I mention all of this because the tour was self guided…no one had been there for a minute,.but some one left odur of destruction bathroom…not a roll of toilet paper in sight.

Some times… when my mind drifts I find my self wondering what that person did. It was a terrible definitely haunted ass haunted country VA house. Maybe the mystery stinker was trying to claim their terrible prize…the layout totally sucked too…super old and impractical and impossible to make not gross.

Thanks for going on this journey with me

Refill the roll from the supply closet.

Use the shower curtain

Process the roll into scrapers to get clean enough, then source to/wipes.

Try finger but hole

once when there wasn’t any toiletpaper at work I rolled this roll up, then split it and had 2 pieces of toilet paper

Flush the toilet, then dip your ass in the toilet water and clean it out with your fingers, then go wash your hands. Then go shake hands with somebody knowing that they shook your hand that was just cleaning your dirty asshole. That’s how you show dominance.

Shove toob up my ass, poop through the toob, no poop on my ass, go about my day

Wait until it’s dried

Speaking from experience, I had a roommate once that kept “borrowing” my tp and would never replace it, so one time when I went to the bathroom to discover I was out of shit tickets I ended up using his socks that were in the dryer.

I don’t know who this MacGyver guy is, but MacGruber would shove a celery stalk in his ass and run around as a distraction.

check your wallet for receipts. use a sock or two.