The universe didn’t force you not to believe in magic. You could have spent your whole life believing magnets are magical stones, that the electromagnetic force is magical energy, and that computer engineers are wizards who conjure spirits from magic. And you could have been 100% factually and scientifically correct.
But you chose to believe that magic is by definition not real, because you didn’t want to live in a world of whimsy and wonder. You defined magic as supernatural, in opposition to the natural world. While every scientist knows that nature is just a word for everything that exists. You chose to define magic in a way that it wouldn’t exist, denying it through tautology and not through science.
Why did you choose that?
Yes, I go to great effort to eat as much as possible every day. A few weeks ago I attended a workshop on emotional eating. Everyone else was there to learn how to stop emotionally eating, but I went there to learn how to emotionally eat, and I succeeded. Turns out the key is to make yourself believe that nothing will make you happy except food. You need to take on a quiet sort of dread and maintain it through the meal. I learned the skill, but I don’t use it very often because it’s a lot of work to endure such misery. It’s my emergency tactic in case I’m not eating enough and I can’t get any food down the normal ways.
And I don’t do 12 hour shifts anymore. Fuck that.
That’s an interesting concept, it almost seems unhealthy - obviously unless you’re struggling to eat enough yourself. Is that the advice you gained, that you should dread not having food while you’re eating it? Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but it makes more sense to me that you should dread not having food outside of the actual meal - that way when you’re eating you can enjoy your food and alleviate the dread. Unless I’m misunderstanding what you’ve written?
Are there any foods you particularly enjoy? Maybe another trick you can try is trying something that you’ve never eaten before, that way you can add the extra layer of exploration onto your meal.
Do you feel hunger pangs at all? I’m curious what your normal relationship with food is, is this something you learned to push through or is it something else?
Yeah, 12 hour shifts are impossible. I was working 80 hour weeks at one point and I will never go back if I have the ability to avoid it. How often were you taking those shifts?
Enjoying food every day just isn’t an option. Yeah, I can enjoy a 5 star meal at a great restaurant, or chocolate, but day to day food isn’t enjoyable, and it can’t be. Even if I were rich and could eat at a fancy restaurant every day, the novelty would wear off and it would be back to normal. Your enjoyment of food mostly comes from your sense of hunger. I don’t have one. I usually get about three bites out of a given meal that taste good. The rest is work.