• Cybermonk_Taiji@r.nf
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    3 months ago

    I was in theater class in community college and a cute girl asked if I wanted to hang out, so of course I said yes. Turns out we were hanging out at her boyfriend’s apartment, which was ok because we were smoking some weed and there was a hot German exchange student there too. At one point the boyfriend and the German girl head upstairs and I’m alone with the cute theater girl who seems to be getting annoyed. She goes upstairs to check on them and that’s when I notice the 50 something year old toothless crackhead who has been milling about (people were coming in and out, front door open) is now standing rather close to me. He looks right at me, unzips his pants, pulls out his dick, and says to me “go ahead”. As politely as I could muster I simply said something like “no thanks, I’m good” and awkwardly make my way upstairs. The cute theater girl seems really angry and that’s when I notice her boyfriend and the German girl smoking crack. “Ah”, I thought, “that explains the crackhead downstairs”.

    Cute theater girl storms out, but I’m too high and don’t really care, plus the very hot German is still there, so I just crashed there.

    It all worked out because the theater girl dumped the crack smoking boyfriend and had rebound sex with me, so in the end it was totally worth it.

    Then there was the other time I was kidnapped by crackheads… But that’s a story for another time.

      • Cybermonk_Taiji@r.nf
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        3 months ago

        It was a separate event from around the same time period that involved more weed, Xanax bars, and Valium. It was a drug deal gone bad, this friend of a friend was using my car to do and I was in the back way too fucked up to drive. It went sideways and the crackheads he was doing the deal with stabbed him with a steak knife and an awl (superficial wounds only), then drove off with the car and me still in the back. Ended up chilling with them for about three days with the tacit implication of violence while they used my car to do what crack heads do. Finally they went shop lifting in a mall and left me in the car with some old guy they knew (presumably to keep me from just leaving). When they didn’t come back out the old dude just told me I don’t belong here and to get on home or something to that effect. Apparently the police had “been looking for me” but I can’t imagine they were looking all that hard.

        Edit:

        This all reminds me of the time I woke up with a stripper girlfriend I didn’t remember meeting, but that’s a story for another time…

        • DNOS@lemmy.ml
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          3 months ago

          Hey man aren’t you gonna tell us ? Tease and dash ? What a person… 😉

          • Cybermonk_Taiji@r.nf
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            3 months ago

            Well it all started when I woke up with no memories of the previous 36 hours (Xanax and Valium again, bad combo) and finding my car was scraped all down the passenger side. “Who the fuck wrecked my car!” I shouted limply at no one in particular. “Uhh, you did”, no one in particular answered.

            “Well shit, what else don’t I remember?”

            It was just about that time Jenny called. Just one problem though, who the fuck is Jenny? She was worried about me. Apparently I had been quite charming while blacked out on pills, which is odd because usually I’m the shy introverted type, but I just went with it. After enough experience with hallucinogens you kind of learn to just go along with it when things get weird. Jenny was a sweet girl, but also a stripper/call girl/prostitute who was addicted to heroin. I ended up hanging out with her quite a bit over the next few weeks and the crazy-hot graph was as expected, but the sex was worth it. Well, up until the hepatitis incident. That reminds me of the other crazy girl that faked a suicide attempt, but that’s a story for another time…

            • DNOS@lemmy.ml
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              3 months ago

              Hey man I don’t get if you like more to write stories or to brag about your adventures anyway what about that other story I would love to hear it … Seems like your adventures have drugs in common “almost” never had those seems like preatty wild adventures seems to come out are them worth ? What’s your favorite combo ?

              • Cybermonk_Taiji@r.nf
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                3 months ago

                I don’t get if you like more to write stories or to brag about your adventures

                I don’t know if I’d call getting kidnapped by crackheads “bragging” but I’ll take it as a compliment.

                Don’t do drugs kids, but if you do never mix uppers and downers. Magic mushrooms and marijuana is the good zone. Pills are dangerous toys. LSD (if you can find the real stuff) is how you can reprogram your own brain.

                So anyway I was in art school at the time and this extremely thin girl with a bad complexion gets into the elevator with me and just asks “what’s your heritage?”. I’m just a white guy from the suburbs so my heritage isn’t something I thought about much. “Just kind of a mix I guess”. She’s attached herself at the hip to me continuing to talk about who knows what, and follows me into the photography darkroom, which has dim red light and is a great spot to make out because the door has to spin so you have a warning if someone is coming in.

                Anyway turns out she has severe Borderline Personality Disorder and has been prescribed something like 800 mg of effexor a day (a crazy high dosage)

                She was absolutely unhinged, but once again the sex was also crazy.

                I must have had the flu the day they had the “don’t stick your dick in crazy” talk.

                So anyway she was extremely dramatic and suicidal and would do things like try to hang herself in the closet, but not in a way that would actually work.

                So one evening she’s acting particularly nuts and goes to take a bath, after awhile I go to check on her but the door is locked and she isn’t responding to knocks or me asking if she’s ok. I jimmy the door open and she’s in the tub with a knife. Her arms cut open and the water is dark red.

                I freak out.

                Pick her up out of the tub shouting who knows what and call 911. Paramedics arrive and the rest is a blur. I woke up the next morning still at her place and see both of her parents sitting there, watching me, calmly waiting for me to wake up. They tell me their daughter is “troubled” (no shit) and that I should probably get out while I can and never look back. As it turns out the cuts on her arms were superficial and she had used red bath beads to turn the water dark red.